I am a Bridezilla and my confession is....

heartbreak_star

I don't think it's bad manners to split a couple for the meal. My OH was a best man and on the top table - I was on one with some of our friends. When I was best man, the top table was family only and officials were on the next table.

I also don't have an issue with not inviting +1s. Why should you have to fork out for an expensive meal for someone you've potentially never met? If it's going to be an issue, the guest can always enquire to the bride/groom.

HBS x

duchy

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

First of all, it's rather rude to invite an adult without a plus one.
Secondly, it's really inconsiderate to split couples. Is your perfect "top table" going to fall apart if your best man's wife sits there as well? We had two witnesses (my best friend and my husband's best friend). My witness came with her husband, my husband's alone. We sat at the top table - us, my friend & her husband, my husband's friend and their other good friend, so that she didn't feel lonely.
The rest of the guests could sit wherever they felt like.
We wanted our guests to enjoy themselves, not to be just a decoration on our wedding day.

Nonsense - that's a very outdated view (I know our Polish friend won't mind my bluntness -my heritage is Polish/Lithuanian-we speak our minds -she didn't mean to be rude saying people who didn't do it HER way were rude). If a "plus one" has never bothered getting to know the bride or groom before the day - why would they want to go (free meal excepted) ?
- Top tables are for the wedding party not for the plus ones traditionally- but in this day and age with so many "blended families" it is often more complicated -For example say the bride has divorced parents who have both remarried -and the groom's parents are still married - it may not be appropriate to seat them all at the top table - both for reasons of tact and also of balance and space.
Often seating plans are done way ahead of time anyway -before the "plus one" even existed
My ex-MIL didn't want to sit at the top table unless her partner also could -but neither of them wanted to share the table with her ex husband - so they opted to sit elsewhere -not a problem-everyone acted like grown ups. No-one wanted an atmosphere at the table spoiling our day.

Ultimately every wedding is different as circumstances can be different - however I do find people who moan that they can't sit at the side of their partner for the length of the wedding meal a bit needy -if the partner is close enough to the bride and groom to be a member of the wedding party then it's hardly like all the other guests will be strangers.... It's usually only a couple of hours anyway as once the meal is done the top table disburses anyway. Being best man or MOH is a "job" surely the plus one can let them do their job without distraction .....it's not like the plus one expects their partner to take them to work with them every day ...is it ?

ska_lover

trinity_enigma wrote: »

An enjoyable day? You're asking them to sit apart for probably a max of two hours not the entire day! Tbh in our life if someone is close enough to us that we've asked them to be in our wedding party then their partner will likely be part of our social group and will know others. Also our friends tend to be independent enough of their partners to spend a little time apart.

Any who none of this ended up applying to us as we did away with the top table- I couldn't find a way of not having my dads girlfriend on it without them both throwing a huge strop so it was easier not to hard it!

It is not a maximum of two hours in every case, that is a very short reception! What about couples getting married in the morning and the reception party starting around lunchtime? It is likely to go on for the rest of the day and evening.

trinity_enigma

ska_lover wrote: »

It is not a maximum of two hours in every case, that is a very short reception! What about couples getting married in the morning and the reception party starting around lunchtime? It is likely to go on for the rest of the day and evening.

But they are only sat at separate tables for a couple of hours. I would find it a very unusual reception if they all sat at tables for the rest of the night.

Of course I will assume if someone is unable to sit at separate tables then they spend the morning at the partners side while the bride/groom are getting ready! What about the ceremony? Would like the partner to have to sit in a pew- best stand them up at the front in touching distance of the best man/bridesmaid.

I can understand that it is sometimes a little daunting to sit at a table of strangers but honesty, how do some people manage in day to day life! You can't always have your partner there to hold your hand- sometimes they have other duties to perform.

scousewife

I will be MOH for my sister's upcoming wedding & was aware that it was tradition to sit on the top table but with 2 young & boisterous boys I didn't think it would be possible to sit away from them as 1) my DH would not be able to control them & 2) they would not understand why mummy was sat on a different table to them & would want to come over all the time. I explained this to my sister who completely understood & said it was fine for me not to sit on the top table & to sit with my DH & kiddies instead. Tradition can be nice but not very practical!

xxlouisexx56

I was at a wedding on Friday. My DP was best man and sat at the top table. I was sat at the table with 3 bridesmaids (one was my sil and one was my dd1) and 3 ushers and one of their partners and my dd2.
I didn't mind being sat away from DP and my SIL helped me with the kids. Although dd2 is only 2 and kept running away to go and sit with daddy and ended up eating her dinner whilst sat on his lap at the top table.

ska_lover

trinity_enigma wrote: »

But they are only sat at separate tables for a couple of hours. I would find it a very unusual reception if they all sat at tables for the rest of the night.

.

I think people like to have their own chair at a table, it is a base to return to, a place to hang your jacket, somewhere to nibble some buffet, and somewhere to sit once the dancing becomes too much - and can be uncomfortale if you return to your place at a table, and someone else has parked themselves there.

I would find it an unusual reception if after the speeches etc, everyone started playing musical chairs and started moving to where they really wanted to sit. In my mind, that would be a pointer that I had got the seating plan all wrong in the first place.

Ahh well each to their own

trinity_enigma

ska_lover wrote: »

I think people like to have their own chair at a table, it is a base to return to, a place to hang your jacket, somewhere to nibble some buffet, and somewhere to sit once the dancing becomes too much - and can be uncomfortale if you return to your place at a table, and someone else has parked themselves there.

I would find it an unusual reception if after the speeches etc, everyone started playing musical chairs and started moving to where they really wanted to sit. In my mind, that would be a pointer that I had got the seating plan all wrong in the first place.

Ahh well each to their own

And what about the evening guests? I take it they are not allowed chairs? It's actually very common for the rooms to be entirely moved around between day and evening receptions- you are very lucky not to have lost your jacket at these weddings.

burnoutbabe

xxlouisexx56 wrote: »

I was at a wedding on Friday. My DP was best man and sat at the top table. I was sat at the table with 3 bridesmaids (one was my sil and one was my dd1) and 3 ushers and one of their partners and my dd2.
I didn't mind being sat away from DP and my SIL helped me with the kids. Although dd2 is only 2 and kept running away to go and sit with daddy and ended up eating her dinner whilst sat on his lap at the top table.

not sure anyone minds that sitation, where you are sat with people you know. Its more where you are sat with people you do not know. In that case, they ought to sit the couple together. Same reason for inviting a plus one for people who won't know anyone else bar the bride and groom. Its about making it a nice day for your guests as far as possible.

ska_lover

trinity_enigma wrote: »

And what about the evening guests? I take it they are not allowed chairs? It's actually very common for the rooms to be entirely moved around between day and evening receptions- you are very lucky not to have lost your jacket at these weddings.

evening guests..as in all guests were 'all dayers'.