I am a Bridezilla and my confession is....

laurabllue

Oh Daisy! Have you asked your dad/best man if they'd like to do speeches? You might find that they're both dreading it, especially if they'll be in a room of (relative) strangers. Perhaps if they're not keen your OH could just do a quick 'On behalf of me and my new wife, thanks for coming' type thing...most of the guests will probably be relieved to not sit through 3 speeches anyway! Although you may find your dad keeps its short and sweet (tell him there's a time limit so you don't overrun ), perhaps get your mum to vet his speech first (thats my plan, otherwise I can imagine being mortified on the day!).

My plan for the first dance is to do just one verse and chorus, then I'll have my bridesmaids primed with their OH's and both sets of parents to join us straight away. I feel like it's the start of the evening and not sure what we'd do to kick off the dancing as an alternative if we skipped it. I'm not really looking forward to it though, I hate being the centre of attention!

daisiegg

laurabllue wrote: »

Oh Daisy! Have you asked your dad/best man if they'd like to do speeches? You might find that they're both dreading it, especially if they'll be in a room of (relative) strangers. Perhaps if they're not keen your OH could just do a quick 'On behalf of me and my new wife, thanks for coming' type thing...most of the guests will probably be relieved to not sit through 3 speeches anyway! Although you may find your dad keeps its short and sweet (tell him there's a time limit so you don't overrun ), perhaps get your mum to vet his speech first (thats my plan, otherwise I can imagine being mortified on the day!).

My plan for the first dance is to do just one verse and chorus, then I'll have my bridesmaids primed with their OH's and both sets of parents to join us straight away. I feel like it's the start of the evening and not sure what we'd do to kick off the dancing as an alternative if we skipped it. I'm not really looking forward to it though, I hate being the centre of attention!

My dad already has 15 pages of notes for his speech :eek: I think he has been living for this moment! :rotfl:

See, as we're having a ceilidh, we could quite easily kick off the evening without a 'first dance', because it's quite organised so the caller would just get everyone out on the floor for a rousing Strip the Willow or something else easy, and it would work quite well. As it is, I'm not actually sure how the transition from first dance to ceilidh is actually going to work either! Argh!

Sagaris

daisiegg wrote: »

But again...OH says we 'have' to have speeches too.

The thing is, if it was that he really wants a first dance or really wants speeches then that would be ok. But I know he has no strong feelings like that about it. It's just he feels it's 'expected'. Those two things are really stressing me out and almost making me dread the day

Expected? Tough! We had one speech at our wedding - MINE!!!! I thought it would be different for the bride to give a speech - BIL is quite shy and was really worried about it - and DH is pretty much the same! I speak to large groups of people in my job so it wasn't too daunting. I can't have been that bad as my sister has asked me to do the same at her wedding next year!

Go with what you want - it IS your day!!!! And good luck too.

nuatha

daisiegg wrote: »

My dad already has 15 pages of notes for his speech :eek: I think he has been living for this moment! :rotfl:

That would worry me.
Ours will have one short speech, a simple thank you and a toast to those who can't be present - though worryingly the Best Man has just volunteered to MC the bands.

See, as we're having a ceilidh, we could quite easily kick off the evening without a 'first dance', because it's quite organised so the caller would just get everyone out on the floor for a rousing Strip the Willow or something else easy, and it would work quite well. As it is, I'm not actually sure how the transition from first dance to ceilidh is actually going to work either! Argh!

Assuming you're not avoiding the dance floor all together, you could start the ceilidh with The Grand March, with the two of you heading the line.

74jax

OMG I seriously can't believe I, the most horizontal person ever, is actually posting as a..... der der der....... bridezilla.

I started a thread a while ago, about my OH's idea for a honeymoon. He is booking it and I don't want to know where it is until we are at the airport (hopefully on the plane). Anyway a few weeks back he asked how I'd feel about having the Honeymoon in December - we get married in June.

I said I wouldn't be keen etc etc and we talked about pros/cons (with me still not knowing where it is). I guessed Austrailia but I'm thinking now it's not necessarily that (from things he's said).

Anyway, OH has been away for the weekend and come back and said he's been talking to a friend who really likes his idea for a honeymoon and why don't we put the wedding back :eek: so the Honeymoon is closer to the wedding. Now he wouldn't actually do that, but I'm getting more and more upset over the idea of a Honeymoon 7 months after the wedding. For one it's not a Honeymoon then. So when everyone is saying 'ooo where's your Honeymoon' I'll be saying we're not having one. He said we could have a holiday after the wedding - errr isn't that then the Honeymoon?????

I hate feeling that this matters. It is soooo not me. I don't want to be this bridezilla person who cares about Weddings/Honeymoons, I like being laid back and only caring about the marriage and that at the end of the day we will both me husband and wife, and nothing else matters. Why on earth am I getting annoyed that he wants to plan, pay and sort a fantastic Honeymoon for me as a surprise. But yet I can't shake this feeling that I'm missing out on a Honeymoon and that i'm being so ungrateful.

There it is then...... my post on I'm a bridezilla .........:eek:

Roz_V

74jax wrote: »

OMG I seriously can't believe I, the most horizontal person ever, is actually posting as a..... der der der....... bridezilla.

I started a thread a while ago, about my OH's idea for a honeymoon. He is booking it and I don't want to know where it is until we are at the airport (hopefully on the plane). Anyway a few weeks back he asked how I'd feel about having the Honeymoon in December - we get married in June.

I said I wouldn't be keen etc etc and we talked about pros/cons (with me still not knowing where it is). I guessed Austrailia but I'm thinking now it's not necessarily that (from things he's said).

Anyway, OH has been away for the weekend and come back and said he's been talking to a friend who really likes his idea for a honeymoon and why don't we put the wedding back :eek: so the Honeymoon is closer to the wedding. Now he wouldn't actually do that, but I'm getting more and more upset over the idea of a Honeymoon 7 months after the wedding. For one it's not a Honeymoon then. So when everyone is saying 'ooo where's your Honeymoon' I'll be saying we're not having one. He said we could have a holiday after the wedding - errr isn't that then the Honeymoon?????

I hate feeling that this matters. It is soooo not me. I don't want to be this bridezilla person who cares about Weddings/Honeymoons, I like being laid back and only caring about the marriage and that at the end of the day we will both me husband and wife, and nothing else matters. Why on earth am I getting annoyed that he wants to plan, pay and sort a fantastic Honeymoon for me as a surprise. But yet I can't shake this feeling that I'm missing out on a Honeymoon and that i'm being so ungrateful.

There it is then...... my post on I'm a bridezilla .........:eek:

I know a lot of people who haven't had a honeymoon until a few months after the wedding so I think it's becoming more common, however controversially my advice if you choose this would be don't go on a holiday straight after the wedding as that's what OH & I did and people assume that our 5 days in Iceland was our honeymoon, when actually we're having a big exotic holiday next year which is our proper honeymoon (jeez how spoilt does that sound?! ). Have a night or two away in a hotel in the UK but not an abroad holiday.

And after the wedding you'll probably be grateful to have something to look forward to as well!

BugglyB

daisiegg wrote: »

You know how all the wedding magazins and forums etc say 'it's your day, don't feel you HAVE to do things just because it's tradition'? Well...I was talking to OH about this last night. There are two things really stressing me out. Firstly, I really really really really really do not want a first dance. If you asked me to name on of my worst nightmares it would be being put in a situation where I am forced to try to dance and people are looking at me! I know OH isn't looking forward to it either so I suggested that we just don't have one.....it was met with a blank look and 'don't be silly, we have to' and that was it, no more discussion.

The other thing is speeches. I wish we didn't have to do them it just feels weird. I'm worried about the day as it is as there are going to be so many different groups of people there who don't know each other or even don't know one or other of us (I.e. OH's work friends who I have never met....my old uni friends who OH has never met...my family and his family will barely have met once before - etc) that speeches somehow don't feel like the right thing to do as people won't have the same sort of frames of references and I'm worried they will just fall flat and I will be sitting there mortified. My dad, I love him to pieces, but he has a rubbish sense of humour that no one 'gets' and I know his speech will be terrible and I'll be the only person doing sympathy laughing. OH's best man is his brother who I have only met once and who is an unemployed ex heroin addict who lives with his mum...............I'm not convinced he'll even be able to stand up and do a speech, let alone a good one!

But again...OH says we 'have' to have speeches too.

The thing is, if it was that he really wants a first dance or really wants speeches then that would be ok. But I know he has no strong feelings like that about it. It's just he feels it's 'expected'. Those two things are really stressing me out and almost making me dread the day

Dasiegg I just wanted to post, not to say that your concerns aren't valid, but to try and provide some reassurance. The part I've put in bold, honestly, most weddings I've been to, especially big ones like yours, have been like that, and its fine. People expect to be surrounded by people they dont know. They either stick in little groups of people they do know, or if they're the type, they mingle, and it gives them something to 'open' with - 'how do you know dasiegg/her husband'?

The vast majority of people will be on their best behaviour and the day will pass much quicker than you think it will. OH's friends and your friends will either talk or not talk, mingle or not mingle, and I guarantee you will not notice!

Lots of love to you. Do not! dread your day. Try not to worry x

daisiegg

BugglyB wrote: »

Dasiegg I just wanted to post, not to say that your concerns aren't valid, but to try and provide some reassurance. The part I've put in bold, honestly, most weddings I've been to, especially big ones like yours, have been like that, and its fine. People expect to be surrounded by people they dont know. They either stick in little groups of people they do know, or if they're the type, they mingle, and it gives them something to 'open' with - 'how do you know dasiegg/her husband'?

The vast majority of people will be on their best behaviour and the day will pass much quicker than you think it will. OH's friends and your friends will either talk or not talk, mingle or not mingle, and I guarantee you will not notice!

Lots of love to you. Do not! dread your day. Try not to worry x

Aww thank you, what a kind message

daisiegg

74jax wrote: »

OMG I seriously can't believe I, the most horizontal person ever, is actually posting as a..... der der der....... bridezilla.

I started a thread a while ago, about my OH's idea for a honeymoon. He is booking it and I don't want to know where it is until we are at the airport (hopefully on the plane). Anyway a few weeks back he asked how I'd feel about having the Honeymoon in December - we get married in June.

I said I wouldn't be keen etc etc and we talked about pros/cons (with me still not knowing where it is). I guessed Austrailia but I'm thinking now it's not necessarily that (from things he's said).

Anyway, OH has been away for the weekend and come back and said he's been talking to a friend who really likes his idea for a honeymoon and why don't we put the wedding back :eek: so the Honeymoon is closer to the wedding. Now he wouldn't actually do that, but I'm getting more and more upset over the idea of a Honeymoon 7 months after the wedding. For one it's not a Honeymoon then. So when everyone is saying 'ooo where's your Honeymoon' I'll be saying we're not having one. He said we could have a holiday after the wedding - errr isn't that then the Honeymoon?????

I hate feeling that this matters. It is soooo not me. I don't want to be this bridezilla person who cares about Weddings/Honeymoons, I like being laid back and only caring about the marriage and that at the end of the day we will both me husband and wife, and nothing else matters. Why on earth am I getting annoyed that he wants to plan, pay and sort a fantastic Honeymoon for me as a surprise. But yet I can't shake this feeling that I'm missing out on a Honeymoon and that i'm being so ungrateful.

There it is then...... my post on I'm a bridezilla .........:eek:

Oh Ajax I actually COMPLETELY understand. I don't think you're being a bridezilla. It reminds me of something I've said before about a Facebook friend who keeps going on about her 'two honeymoons'...she is going away straight after the wedding and then a year later in the summer. Every time I see it I just think 'no you're not having two honeymoons, you are having a honeymoon and then a year later you're going on a summer holiday!' Obviously it doesn't matter whatsoever what I think, becausee SHE is having two honeymoons and that is what she thinks and what makes her happy so that's what matters. But it is the same the opposite way round - if you don't feel like the honeymoon a few months after the wedding won't feel like a honeymoon then that is what matters too.

I think I would be the same. I suppose it depends how you feel about honeymoons. Some people feel the 'honeymoon' is the amazing once in a lifetime holiday, whether it happens a day or a year after the wedding. That's fine. But I'm different, for me the 'honeymoon' is the one where you're still high from your wedding and incredibly loved up and full of excitement, etc, and when you go away leaving the chaos of the wedding stuff behind you and really escape the world for a little while. I think it also depends whether you're used to having amazing holidays. We are (not to sound like a spoilt brat) and every time we go on holiday people say things like 'you're so lucky, some people don,t even go on a holiday like that for their honeymoon!' - so I suppose that also takes away the feeling of the honeymoon being the 'once in a lifetime' holiday.

I think you need to talk to hubby to be and really explain to him how you feel. Don't feel like you're being stupid, it is (touch wood) the only wedding and honeymoon you'll ever have. I'm sure whatever you decide the holiday(s) will be amazing, but you need to get it sorted in your head so that whichever way you do it you don't feel like you're missing out. Good luck.

74jax

daisiegg wrote: »

Oh Ajax I actually COMPLETELY understand. I don't think you're being a bridezilla. YEY :j so I can go back to being a laid back bride :j It reminds me of something I've said before about a Facebook friend who keeps going on about her 'two honeymoons'...she is going away straight after the wedding and then a year later in the summer. Every time I see it I just think 'no you're not having two honeymoons, you are having a honeymoon and then a year later you're going on a summer holiday!' That is sooo how I see it too. The honeymoon is the holiday after (or close to the wedding).

for me the 'honeymoon' is the one where you're still high from your wedding and incredibly loved up and full of excitement, etc, and when you go away leaving the chaos of the wedding stuff behind you and really escape the world for a little while.
Yes, yes and yes!!!!!!!!!!!! If even said this to OH who replied with 'if we're still not loved up 7 months after the wedding we've got problems'....... I think he missed my point :cool:

I think it also depends whether you're used to having amazing holidays. We are (not to sound like a spoilt brat) We are too, and again I don't think it's a 'spoilt brat' situation, we both work and are in a position to spend money on holidays. I LOVE my holidays :T

but you need to get it sorted in your head so that whichever way you do it you don't feel like you're missing out. Good luck.

This 'missing out' bit is key here. I feel I'm missing out on a honeymoon, which is silly, as I'm getting married to get married, not to have a honeymoon for goodness sake. So I feel worse for thinking I'm missing out on it and going round in circles.

I hate the thought of having to say 'were not having a honeymoon' when asked - I know I know, how self centred! But I seriously couldn't say we were on honeymoon 7 months later, that I am certain of.

Thing is, we agreed, he'd book and I'd be happy with whatever - I just didn't think it would be 7 months later...... See, this why I'm not have obay in the vows :rotfl:

Thank you for your reply though, it has made me think.