I am a Bridezilla and my confession is....

Brighton_belle

jtr, there may be positives in marying him sooner, as it ultimately limits the time for panic for him and these stressful episodes for you. We married 10 weeks after we got engaged for this reason really - (as well as elderly parents!) It has meant we have got on with the pleasure of being married much much quicker and the potentially stressful bit and worrying about it hasn't been strung out for over a year/18 months. I appreciate you want it to be somewhere special, and everyone is different, but my own experience was saying thse vows was just very special and it wasn't the venue that really mattered (but that's us). Part of me wants to say - just do it...next month!!

findingmyownway

I agree with brightonbelle - it sound like an 18 month build up to the day is going to make the situation worse not better. How would OH feel about doing it sooner?

jtr2803

I hear you both! I would have no problem with doing it much sooner but it was him who wanted to do it next September as he said he needed at least a year to get his head around it!! I asked yesterday whether actually having it that far away was making it worse, he said he isn't sure because it's on his mind regardless now anyway!

I have text him today to tell him I love him and I am not mad at him, I just want to do whatever we can to make it easiest for him and I would be happy either way.

BugglyB

jtr2803 wrote: »

I hear you both! I would have no problem with doing it much sooner but it was him who wanted to do it next September as he said he needed at least a year to get his head around it!! I asked yesterday whether actually having it that far away was making it worse, he said he isn't sure because it's on his mind regardless now anyway!

I have text him today to tell him I love him and I am not mad at him, I just want to do whatever we can to make it easiest for him and I would be happy either way.

Aww good for you. It sounds like you will be well suited in marriage as you can talk about how you feel and try and accomodate each other.

Get him down the registry office next weekend :rotfl:

MrsDrink

Obviously I can only speak for MrD and I, and our relationship dynamics. (And Jtr sorry if you've heard all this before lol I can't remember what I've told you and what I haven't lol)

For us it was about 2 months after he said 'alright' that we told our parents - he was REALLY worried about telling his mum incase she turn into a MILzilla, and began demanding how we should do it. (As I think she did his sister). I did point out to him that I'm a very determined lady and if she makes suggestions that we don't like I wouldn't have a problem telling her. Early on we briefly discussed what sort of wedding we wanted, and very quickly agreed neither of us wanted to be the centre of attention, we just wanted to get on with the next stage of our lives. We agreed we didn't want speeches, we didn't want a first dance, we didn't want a sit down meal, we didn't want a cake to cut, we wanted a very small intimate wedding. But after the initial conversations it was pretty much 'the elephant in the room', looking back you could say I walked on egg shells, not daring to bring the topic up because I didn't want to freak him out. We used to have the odd chat about it in the car when we were driving places - that way it was less pressure - it wasn't a 'sit down discussion' just a little chat. For us that worked, it gave him the time to come to terms that he was actually having a wedding. (It wasn't the idea of marriage that freaked him out, it was the idea of having a wedding). It was another 4 months before we set the date. I then began researching and planning (as I have already said this is my role in our relationship). Of course I asked for his opinion on things but I pretty much gave him a restricted choice after I'd done hours of research - it worked for us, meant his head wasn't swimming with ideas. He always had the option c) none of the above lol, in which case it was back to the drawing board. In the end we had a 29 month 'engagement' which was perfect for us. By the end of it he was showing an interest and he was making suggestions (like the lateish addition of the tables to the garden party). The look on his face when he saw me for the first time on the wedding day tells me he didn't regret it one bit.

I am sure that you will find your own way to compromise on things that meets both of your needs.

jtr2803

Am really very humbled for all of your kind words and support, it's not been easy and I have been tempted to throw my toys out of the pram so many times! Am actually very pleased with the way I have handled it

I spoke to him this afternoon and he seems in much better spirits, he told me he loves me very much and is grateful for my understanding. He has told me he still thinks moving it to april is a good idea and has asked me to get in touch with the photographer and car company to see if it is possible to change the date.

The more I think about it the more I am happy with it, it would certainly save me from worrying about setting up the reception venue as I would be able to take an afternoon off work to get it done ready for the evening and it means I have something to look forward to when we get back and I get to wear my dress again :rotfl:. I have also emailed the island to see what renewal of vows ceremonies they do and the cost, I think it would be lovely to do that as just the two of us (although interestingly I know of another 3 couples from the trip advisor forum that will be there the same time!) and I know they have a good photographer too so thats another little option.

The only thing I remain a little upset about is that I had chosen my 'honeymoon' island and we just cannot afford it in peak season but OH said we would still go there in September as planned, we might even be able to book it as our honeymoon as most resorts say it must be within 6 months of the wedding date.

I am finally starting to feel a little happier and more relaxed. I hope he feels the same way because I don't think I can cope with another change of plans!!

MrsDrink

jtr2803 wrote: »

It means I have something to look forward to when we get back and I get to wear my dress again :rotfl:.

A girl after my own heart

jtr2803 wrote: »

I am finally starting to feel a little happier and more relaxed.

Soo pleased that you have managed to find a compromise that you are both happy(er) with! x
So I have to stick around till April do I? :rotfl:

Roz_V

MrsDrink wrote: »

So I have to stick around till April do I? :rotfl:

Erm, I'm not sure if you're ever allowed to leave?

BugglyB

Oh good for you jtr. Your oh sounds lovely and I think in time you will reap the benefits for your great attitude towards him. You know any time you need to vent you can come on here

jtr2803

MrsDrink wrote: »

A girl after my own heart


Soo pleased that you have managed to find a compromise that you are both happy(er) with! x
So I have to stick around till April do I? :rotfl:

Yes, you do!! :rotfl:

BugglyB wrote: »

Oh good for you jtr. Your oh sounds lovely and I think in time you will reap the benefits for your great attitude towards him. You know any time you need to vent you can come on here

Thanks BugglyB, he seems fairly calm tonight. Have mentioned him going to the doctors and he said it was worth a try if things get any worse in the run up.

The car company replied almost straight away to say they are more than happy to accomodate the change and just to let them know as soon as possible so the photographer is the last big thing, just waiting to hear from her....fingers crossed!!