condom split, whats the chances

Doom_and_Gloom

Personally if I was to get pregnant now I would be 21 when the child is born. If said child was a girl and in 16 years time (so I would be 37) was in the situation I would not want her to take anything she didn't want to. It sounds to me as if this girl has been sweet talked into taking this pill which I do not like. I would be very p!ssed off with the boyfriend and his mother if this was to happen to any daughter I had. If my daughter got pregnant then I would support her fully as would my partner (who also wouldn't want a daughter we have to take anything she didn't want to as I asked him). In this day and age you can take A-Levels over the internet, in night classes etc. This would mean she could be 18 or 19 years old and go to uni (just as her peers would be) when she has a 2 or 3 year old. Difficult maybe but not impossible. There is no longer a need to wait until a child is in school to gain a qualification although at 21 she wouldn't be the oldest person doing so anyway as mature students are becoming more common - with children or without.

Torry_Quine

*miaomiao* wrote: »

Some basic facts are really needed here to help make things easier for the OP and her son and his partner to understand:

The Emergency Contraceptive Pill (aka MAP) is effective for up to 5 days but works best if you take it immediately or as soon as you can.

The Emergency Contraceptive Pill isn't an abortion at all. It prevents a fertilised egg from implanting in the lining of the uterus (aka the womb) so that a pregnancy isn't able to take place.

Actually if you believe life begins at conception then anything that acts after that is an abortifacient! 'Pregnancy' may not be established until implantation but that is only an important stage in the life journey.

Ring the Marie Stopes number above if you have questions about the ECP/MAP - they are a wonderful, supportive pro-choice organisation which means that they can give you advice on taking the ECP, having a termination, keeping the baby, or putting it up for adoption.

Not really as pro-choice as they like you to believe

shaz_mum_of__2

julie03 wrote: »

i never once pressured my sons girlfriend to take the MAP. sticking your head in the sand and hoping she is not pregnant when they are both taking exams is not an ideal situation. they both want to stay on and do A- levels and she is an A* student and my son not far behind her. they were both faffing about, and needed an adult to take charge. hoping for the best is not a decision, its madness.

i will not be approaching the girls mother, i've been told that if i do it will make things extremely hard for her, she is 16 and of legal age so i will leave it at that.

i have told my son and his girlfriend they can come to me anytime for advice and he seems to have got over his initial embarressment about talking to his mum about the subject.
thank you for the posters who supported my decision to "interfere" but i would do the same again, we don't need any more unwanted pregnancies in this world, its overpopulated as it is, and protecting my son is my first priority

Well said and for those who think the girl was pressured in any way staff at FPC do a competency test(Gillick test) to make sure it is their decision and no one elses and that they understand the side effects risks success rates etc some even ask for you to go back in a few weeks to check it's worked. My son is 18 and hope he would come to me if this happened.

julie03

Doom_and_Gloom wrote: »

Personally if I was to get pregnant now I would be 21 when the child is born. If said child was a girl and in 16 years time (so I would be 37) was in the situation I would not want her to take anything she didn't want to. It sounds to me as if this girl has been sweet talked into taking this pill which I do not like. I would be very p!ssed off with the boyfriend and his mother if this was to happen to any daughter I had. If my daughter got pregnant then I would support her fully as would my partner (who also wouldn't want a daughter we have to take anything she didn't want to as I asked him). In this day and age you can take A-Levels over the internet, in night classes etc. This would mean she could be 18 or 19 years old and go to uni (just as her peers would be) when she has a 2 or 3 year old. Difficult maybe but not impossible. There is no longer a need to wait until a child is in school to gain a qualification although at 21 she wouldn't be the oldest person doing so anyway as mature students are becoming more common - with children or without.

i never sweet talked her into anything, her mum already told her ages ago if she comes home pregnant she will be disowned and chucked out of her home. this may be a threat just to make her be careful but his girlfriend felt totally unable to talk to her mum, it isnt a good relationship. and as a poster has said she would have been talked to at FPC and i didnt force her to go she went with my son of HER OWN FREE WILL, all i did was make an appointment and as i have said before she is extremely shy and needed an adult to take charge

and not everybodys situation is a lovely happy relationship with their parents so its not as cut and dried as you seem to think

galvanizersbaby

Doom_and_Gloom wrote: »

Personally if I was to get pregnant now I would be 21 when the child is born. If said child was a girl and in 16 years time (so I would be 37) was in the situation I would not want her to take anything she didn't want to. It sounds to me as if this girl has been sweet talked into taking this pill which I do not like. I would be very p!ssed off with the boyfriend and his mother if this was to happen to any daughter I had. If my daughter got pregnant then I would support her fully as would my partner (who also wouldn't want a daughter we have to take anything she didn't want to as I asked him). In this day and age you can take A-Levels over the internet, in night classes etc. This would mean she could be 18 or 19 years old and go to uni (just as her peers would be) when she has a 2 or 3 year old. Difficult maybe but not impossible. There is no longer a need to wait until a child is in school to gain a qualification although at 21 she wouldn't be the oldest person doing so anyway as mature students are becoming more common - with children or without.

Hmmn yes but the girl concerned did not want to be pregnant and have a child and OP hardly put pressure on her to take the MAP - I think everyone's situation is different but I can't see the relevance of discussing how easy it is to further your education with a child in tow or people not wanting to take the MAP (for valid reasons other than they are too shy) when in this girl case it isn't actually relevant!

Doom_and_Gloom

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Hmmn yes but the girl concerned did not want to be pregnant and have a child and OP hardly put pressure on her to take the MAP - I think everyone's situation is different but I can't see the relevance of discussing how easy it is to further your education with a child in tow or people not wanting to take the MAP (for valid reasons other than they are too shy) when in this girl case it isn't actually relevant!

It's relevant as the girl is havig sex with the OP's son (her boyfriend) and no form of contraceptive is 100% effective. If they can't grasp the fact that a baby could happen and what would follow even if they use contraceptive then they shouldn't be having sex! When I decided I was ready for sex it was with the knowledge that even though my partner and I at the time were using condoms that a baby could still happen.

To julie03:
The girls parents sound horrid. Even threatening to disown and chuck out their own daughter if she were to get pregnant is not right :eek:. No wonder the girl doesn't want to talk to her parents and is so shy about this kind of thing. Her parents have made it clear to her that they think her having sex is wrong even though she is legally old enough.
By the way you making an appointment for her probably made her go and in a way forced her to get the MAP. It was not her choice as she was talked into going by you and your son by doing this. Even if she 'needed an adult to take charge' you should have taken her opinion into consideration. It sounds that she doesn't have the confidence to do what she wants to do due to her relationship with her parents if I'm honest. It just looks like you did all this as you don't want your son to have a child yet which seems very selfish. Fair enough he is young as is she but that does not give you the right to do what you did.

By the way for the record my parents and I don't have a very open relationship but they have always trusted me and taken my opinions into account. They would not have been best pleased if I had got pregnant at 15,16,17 or 18 as I was in education but they would have stood by my decision if it had happened. That's what parents should do!

foxy-roxy

I took the MAP at 16 and it didn't make me sick or anything, and the reason why I made sure I took it was because I was terrified of my mum, she would of gone bonkers.
If I wasn't so scared of her reaction I wouldn't of taken it and who knows how my life would of turned out. Maybe for the better maybe not who knows.
But the main thing is to do what is right at the time, and if this girl wants to go to uni etc then NOT having a baby now will make that much easier for her.

Well done OP I think you did the right thing.

Loz01

I admire the OP for stopping them faffing about and getting them to the clinic! Each day of procrastinating is another wasted day where the MAP could not work. Good on you OP for having such a good relationship with your son, far better he come to you for support than the two of them try and struggle through alone. A Levels and Uni are the future for them, not a baby at 15/16 years old and dashed dreams.

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

I'm glad the OP didn't go to the girls parents though if i'm honest - she is of legal age after all, however the reason i say this is because i had an abortion at 17 after the pill failed (i was with my boyf for over a year already and living together in a hostel - long story - he is actually my hubby now many years on ) But had anyone told my parents i would have got some serious hell - and i am glad we had the chanceto sit down and be adults and talk through it ourselves rather than be made to feel dirty, like my parents were dissapointed etc etc - which would have happened 100%.

OP i hope your son feels better, i hope the g/f believes she has made the right choice, and i do hope she'll form a good relationship with you as it sounds like she might not be getting that at home. Please don't be dissapointed with her, or at least if you are please don't show it - she is probably feeling pretty embarrassed and fragile at the mo Remember it takes two to tango, but praise them for trying to be careful (honest truth is you'll never stop them) and if poss guide them both with reasurance and advice if they need it (even if it's leaving a contraception leaflet with a note saying your there if they need any advice or just to talk in sons room to read and poss read together with his g/f. Doesn't have to be too embarrassing for anyone!

Well done OP - hats off to you, i think you made the right decision in this situation! x

Triggles

have just found out my nearly16yr old is having sex with his girlfriend. he borrowed my phone using his sim card but the texts were left on the phone. apparently the condom split yesterday, and her period ended last monday 5th april
i have said she should take the morning after pill but she has told him its like abortion. what are the chances of pregnancy, she is pretty regular,

told him to really push the morning after pill and said i would pay for it if nessecary
if she doesnt what are the chances?

I'm actually a bit surprised by this.

First of all, everyone that is patting the OP on the back because her son "came to her" with this problem - she said in the original post that she had just found out that he had been having sex with his gf and the condom broke. He didn't come to her with this, she found it out after seeing some text messages left on a mobile. So quite feasibly, chances are that if she hadn't found those messages, it may have been quite some time before she was privy to this information about him even having sex, much less the pregnancy.

Secondly, I am horrified that pressure was put on this girl to take the MAP. The OP states there was no pressure put on the gf to take the pill, but it is already fairly obvious from the first post that she had no qualms about this girl being pressured about it, or about manipulating her son to pressure the girl as well. And to push a girl of that age to take medication of this type without even contacting her parents at all - extremely irresponsible! What if she had some type of medical condition that meant she couldn't take it? At that age, it sounds like she is still living at home with her parents. What if she got seriously ill after taking the pill? If she needed emergency treatment of any sort after taking it, her parents wouldn't have a clue and wouldn't be able to give medical personnel any information on what she had taken or what might be causing the problem. And what about her and her parents' religious beliefs? It's so easy to say "oh well she can't be a catholic as she wouldn't have sex prior to marriage" but maybe, as teens often do, she has blurred a few of the lines of the rules. Some rules are not an issue, whereas others (perceived abortion, regardless of "how pregnant" someone is) are more engraved in stone.

I would be livid if someone encouraged my daughter (when she was a teenager) to take the MAP without speaking to me first. My DD knew if she got pregnant at that age, I'd be upset about it and most likely initially cross with her, however, that doesn't mean I wouldn't sit down with her and discuss her options and help her with whatever decision she made.

And it's probably smart to remember the phrase mentioned earlier "it takes two to tango". I have sons as well, and if they came home with this situation, I couldn't in all honesty push for abortion or MAP. I would have to stress to my son that they need to make sure that the girl has information on all options available to her, their support for whatever decision she has made, and that she has informed either her parents or an adult she can trust. IMO that adult needs to be someone strictly in her corner, who will look out for her welfare and wishes solely, so she's not getting a one-sided view from the boy's family. Maybe it's having a daughter as well that makes me concerned about the girl in the situation, but I get rather aggravated when a boy's family in these circumstances pressures the girl or treats it like "well, if she doesn't abort or take the MAP, she'll just be ruining their lives" and such. The responsibility for the situation lies with BOTH of them... but the ultimate decision is hers. I've said it so many times, as I tire of hearing men whinge that they should have a say in whether a woman has their baby....they DO have a say. And that time is just before they have sex. It's called abstinence. That is their ultimate form of birth control.