condom split, whats the chances

Mupette

Julie03

What a nice mum.

You have dealt with a near disaster, well done.
You'd think the kids would of been listening in class with sex education, or hoped they had the classes.

I do hope they feel that they can come to you in the future, and there is nothing wrong with having a close relationship with your kids. :T

margaretclare

brighthair wrote: »

My ex and I used condoms until we were both tested for STDs. The condoms split on a regular basis, I think more so because we had to use non latex. I was on the pill, but also antibiotics and the condom split so I took the MAP. I got it from our local Primary care free of charge, and had no side effects at all. I don't trust condoms alone, I've had so many split!

I'm on the opposite side - my first husband and I used condoms (this was before there were any other options, no Pill!) Thank God none split - if they had, we'd have had a dozen kids instead of 2, both planned!

DH tells me that he always used condoms when he was a young guy and never had one split on him.

valos_mummy

It is a bit different for girls I think. Whereas the OP has dealt with this in the best possible way (imo), dealing with a son having sex is different to dealing with a daughter.

Sons usually get told to make sure they use protection and be careful. Daughters usually get told they are never seeing that boy ever again, boy's parents get telephoned and called irresponsible for letting their evil sons get near their precious little girl lol...Girl gets told how "dissapointed" they are in her and watched like a hawk for any signs she might be "at it" again. Even if they are over the age of consent.

If she's an A* student, her parents are probably going to make sure an unwanted pregnancy will not happen and defer her off the path of higher education. And if that means grounding for eternity so be it! I know my younger brother got away with far more than I ever did, including bringing girls back to the house. I didn't have boyfriends at that age (goody two shoes I was ) but if I did, I'm pretty sure my dad wouldn't have let them upstairs, except to the toilet with a chaperone lol!!!

I had no issues with telling my mother when I went on the pill, mind you I was 20 at the time :rotfl:

But back to the issue in hand, it'll be good to know for the girlfriend that there is an adult who will help her constructively and not come down like a ton of bricks. Not saying that her parents would, but when you're that age it's hard to imagine telling your parents you're in a sexual relationship without kick-starting WW3.

*miaomiao*

Some basic facts are really needed here to help make things easier for the OP and her son and his partner to understand:

The Emergency Contraceptive Pill (aka MAP) is effective for up to 5 days but works best if you take it immediately or as soon as you can.

The Emergency Contraceptive Pill isn't an abortion at all. It prevents a fertilised egg from implanting in the lining of the uterus (aka the womb) so that a pregnancy isn't able to take place. It works in the same way that the Birth Control Pill does, but its dosage of hormones is slightly higher and it is not meant to be used as a form of birth control because it isn't as reliable as other contraceptive methods that are regularly used. It is free on the NHS when prescribed by a doctor (ask for an emergency appointment at your GP or go to a walk-in medical centre) or just 26 Pounds when you purchase it at the chemist (free in many places for under 18s). Most women experience no side effects at all after taking the dose (usually 1 pill), although if you are ill (vomit) in the following 24 hours afterwards you need to get another dose. A period might come slightly earlier or later because of the hormones, but if you are worried about the ECP's effectiveness you can take a pregnancy test 2-4 weeks later.

BTW, the two partners need to use 2 methods of contraception to make sure that things don't result in a pregnancy, so for instance a condom and the Pill or another type of contraception. And only condoms can help to prevent the risk of HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections like chlamydia, gonorrhea, HPV and herpes.

From what I've read the young woman could still take the pill if she wanted to because they are within the 5 day window. It is her choice, however. She and your son both need to go to a contraceptive clinic to understand how condoms, the pill and other longer lasting contraceptives work. Parents really need to speak early with their children about sexual health. It's not about planting "immoral ideas" in their heads, it's about giving them choices and ideas on the best ways to take care of themselves.

Ring the Marie Stopes number above if you have questions about the ECP/MAP - they are a wonderful, supportive pro-choice organisation which means that they can give you advice on taking the ECP, having a termination, keeping the baby, or putting it up for adoption.

euronorris

heretolearn wrote: »

But on the other hand, a lot of women get no side effects/sickness. Luck of the draw.

Yeah, have taken it twice now.

Once in the UK years ago. It was still 2 tablets then. No illness, nausea or bleeding.

Then again here in NL, mid last year. 1 tablet this time, but again, no illness, nausea or bleeding.

But, in both cases, I was at the chemist pretty pronto, ie, within the first 6 hours, so not sure if that makes it better. Or if I am just lucky.

Person_one

valos_mummy wrote: »

It is a bit different for girls I think. Whereas the OP has dealt with this in the best possible way (imo), dealing with a son having sex is different to dealing with a daughter.

Sons usually get told to make sure they use protection and be careful. Daughters usually get told they are never seeing that boy ever again, boy's parents get telephoned and called irresponsible for letting their evil sons get near their precious little girl lol...Girl gets told how "dissapointed" they are in her and watched like a hawk for any signs she might be "at it" again. Even if they are over the age of consent.

If she's an A* student, her parents are probably going to make sure an unwanted pregnancy will not happen and defer her off the path of higher education. And if that means grounding for eternity so be it! I know my younger brother got away with far more than I ever did, including bringing girls back to the house. I didn't have boyfriends at that age (goody two shoes I was ) but if I did, I'm pretty sure my dad wouldn't have let them upstairs, except to the toilet with a chaperone lol!!!

I had no issues with telling my mother when I went on the pill, mind you I was 20 at the time :rotfl:

But back to the issue in hand, it'll be good to know for the girlfriend that there is an adult who will help her constructively and not come down like a ton of bricks. Not saying that her parents would, but when you're that age it's hard to imagine telling your parents you're in a sexual relationship without kick-starting WW3.

I think that's a bit of a generalisation. Each family is different, and they aren't all sexist hypocrites! My parents let my boyfriends stay over from when I was 16 (if they'd met him, liked him, trusted him and me both) and I was an A* student.

julie03

thank you for all the replies and support on how i dealt with the issue

miaomiao- thanks for the pm. when she went to the fpc they talked about the pill and have told her to go back anytime, i think by going there it has reassured her about MAP and she has taken it, probably a little out of the 24 hour time frame so fingers crossed it works

galvanizersbaby

jd87 wrote: »

Am I the only person thinking that the OP has way too close a relationship with their son? And why do you know about how "regular" his gf is????

I think that's a strange and frankly rather sinister comment to make and I'm not certain what you are trying to say/imply?!

OP only found out about the whole incident because she borrowed her son's mobile phone and even if she hasn't accidentially found out what would have been so strange if her son had confided in her because he was worried?

I think OP found out that the gf was usually regular in her cycle because she either asked the gf or her son (who in turn probably asked the gf)
I do not think for a minute that she would normally have an interest in the gf's cycle but for the relevance to the obvious dilema they were facing an the time!

poppyolivia

julie03 wrote: »

i never once pressured my sons girlfriend to take the MAP. sticking your head in the sand and hoping she is not pregnant when they are both taking exams is not an ideal situation. they both want to stay on and do A- levels and she is an A* student and my son not far behind her. they were both faffing about, and needed an adult to take charge. hoping for the best is not a decision, its madness.

i will not be approaching the girls mother, i've been told that if i do it will make things extremely hard for her, she is 16 and of legal age so i will leave it at that.

i have told my son and his girlfriend they can come to me anytime for advice and he seems to have got over his initial embarressment about talking to his mum about the subject.
thank you for the posters who supported my decision to "interfere" but i would do the same again, we don't need any more unwanted pregnancies in this world, its overpopulated as it is, and protecting my son is my first priority

I'd do the same as you! there is too many underage mothers/fathers these days because the parents of them haven't taken charge.

pulliptears

jd87 wrote: »

Am I the only person thinking that the OP has way too close a relationship with their son? And why do you know about how "regular" his gf is????

Yes you are.

And if OP didn't have such a close relationship with her son there is a good chance she may have been having a close relationship with a Grandchild in 9 months time instead.....