JC's kick up the butt diary!

chevalier

Really feel for you. How long have you been writing this diary for? (goes back and looks). Coming up on 18 months. You have had some peaks and troughs on your debt free journey..

All the peaks are to do with YOUR efforts to pay off debt. All of the troughs are to do with OH SABOTAGING your efforts, by buying some carp, or just spending cos he feels like it etc.

The constant through your thread is his APPALLING ATTITUDE not just to you but to your DD. It isn't acceptable behaviour for a person (won't call him a man, that would give him too much credit) to shout at you so much you are scared into submission. For him to threaten violence is the ABSOLUTE LAST STRAW. He should be gone. FOR YOUR SAFETY. Do you want to be the next domestic statistic?

How can it possibly worse than it is now? You could be on a DMP that wouldn't be undermined by him just spending random money, or taking out credit etc.

He has NO redeeming features that i can see.

He has REALLY twisted your thinking if you were actually considering not starting a job that WOULD HELP YOU GET OUT OF DEBT.

Come on JC if it was your best friend telling you this about their life, you would be telling her to boot the no good lowlife scum out the door. So why shouldn't you treat YOURSELF that well?

You deserve a better life. REACH OUT AND TAKE IT.
chev

jasperconran

You are right of course Chev. Last night was so awful for poor DD. Yes I know she has got a bit of a bad attitude at the min (probably cos of teenage hormones, but sometimes I believe its cos of HIM!!)

She told me that she thought he was going to slap her around the face, she told him that she was gonna ring childline, brave kid.

I am going to tell you all something now, which I will probably regret lol cos it was stupid, but Ive learnt my lesson. I managed to secure a full time job working from home! (yes they are out there!!) Not bad money either. It caused a bit of havoc in the house, as I am not allowed to catch up at the weekends with housework etc as OH thinks that should be family time (yeah right!!!) but then slags me off when he says the house is a right mess:eek: So what did i do??? yep, you guessed it, I gave it up:(:( and now we are struggling more than ever, I had everything sorted out even without me working and now its messed up. Im stressed, worrying myself to the point of feeling ill everyday.

So last night I thought, right, thats it ive had enough. I dont care even if its just a dinner lady job, its better than nowt and who knows where things could lead??? I am gonna send my CV out to all the agencies asking for either permanent or even temp work, I dont care. THIS IS MY LIFE, MY LIFE!!!! and I will do want I want with it.

If he dares moan, I will freak out!!!! I am gonna put my foot down and do what I wanna do. I am literally sick to death of being the victim here, whats wrong with me????? Its about time, I starting doing what I used to do, and that is, stand up to that pig! I used to all the time, so dont know whats happened really.

I got a text from him last night (he works nights thank god!) saying we can all go out for lunch today together, awww how sweet....... NOT!!! oh yeah like thats gonna make everything ok, I DONT THINK SO!!!!!!:mad:

From this day forward (and you are all my witnesses) so if I wander, you can all shout at me lol and kick my butt!:rotfl::rotfl: JC WILL NO LONGER BE A VICTIM, FROM THIS DAY FORWARD I AM GONNA DO WHAT I WANT AND LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I WANT:)

have a great day all xxx

peaceandfreedom

jasperconran wrote: »

From this day forward (and you are all my witnesses) so if I wander, you can all shout at me lol and kick my butt!:rotfl::rotfl: JC WILL NO LONGER BE A VICTIM, FROM THIS DAY FORWARD I AM GONNA DO WHAT I WANT AND LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I WANT:)

have a great day all xxx

You go girl!!! :beer::j:beer::j

jasperconran

:(


Well, things are not getting any better I feel. I am going to have to sort out self managing our dmp now, as CCCS have dumped us!:eek: have got advice on here from a lady who has been self managing her dmp for the last 3 years no problems at all. I hope and pray to god, that the creditors just carry on accepting the payments like they have been. Its been so quiet on that front, im scared what will happen! I dont need anymore stress at the min.

Ive got an interview on Thursday morning, dinner lady at a local school but its better than nowt! Also got some casual work delivering leaflets near where I live, again not much but it all counts towards paying for Xmas etc. We have had credit every year for Xmas and I would love for this to be our first one not on it!!!! Not holding my breath knowing what OH is like:mad: he likes showing off and being generous, which is no good when its not paid for!!!!!!

Im also applying for 2 other jobs, must get my applications in as cut off date for both is this coming Thursday:eek: need to get my butt in gear!!

Hope you are all ok JC xxx

MFWannabe

Hi
This is the first time i've read your diary and tell me to butt out if you want.

Many years ago i was in a violent relationship, which started firstly with verbal abuse. As much as people told me to leave i was scared about doing it. Before this i'd been very independent and knew and spoke my own mind. It completely changed me. He cut me off from my family and controlled my life; just as your hubby is doing to you.
Looking back now i really cannot believe that was me and that i put up with that crap!

Like me you will only leave when you are ready to and when you have definitely decided enough is enough.

You say he works hard for you and your dd but seems to blame you for the debts and as i see it has taken no admission for his part of the debts and is doing nothing to help sort them out. You seem to be taking it all upon yourself

Please take care and don't let him destroy your life; there is so much life out there to be lived. You are only here once and believe me life does get better x

jasperconran

thank you Freez, I understand what you are saying. You are not butting in, its fine.

Well after following some advice from a fellow MSE'r over on the DMP support thread, we are gonna go for it and go it alone.

The CCCS have 'dumped' us anyway, and cancelled our plan:mad: sick of arguing with them anyway. So Ive now got the added stress and aggro of writing to all our creditors (11 in total) and asking them for bank details etc so that I can set up the standing orders in time for Decembers payment:eek: will be getting same amounts, so hopefully wont get any issues, and none of em will be bloody awkward!!!! its about time I wrote to Barclaycard about my account anyway, they wrote and promised to freeze all interest and charges, and having been bloody charging me for months!:mad::mad:

Things have been so up and down with our dmp, but quiet. I so hope this doesnt rock the boat, cant see why, nothing changes and the creditors still get their money! Was gonna go to payplan but they might start asking questions, dunno might give it a go, if I get any trouble.

its not as if we pay token payments, we pay in total, £1004 per month!:eek: good decent amount if you ask me.

Oh well, no wonder I always feel so flaming ill I am so desperate for another job, applying tommorow for 2 as deadline is thursday:eek: arrrgghhh best do that first thing, I dont want to miss out! Interview thursday, lets hope I get something to start the new year with! Fingers crossed, New year, new job and new life!!!!!

Hope you are all well x

jasperconran

well, totally had enough of ebay, been soooo unlucky:( I listed 37 items, sold 13 for pennies:( and have had 7 non payers:eek:

So I found some groups on facebook where you can list and sell your goodies including a page called Facebay:rotfl: so gonna try that and see if I can shift the clothes and winter coats and hopefully get more money!!!!

Thank you again to Skint for looking at my listings and giving me some advice but its just not shifting and I dont know why!! the gear is like new!

Oh well, never mind. still waiting to hear from flaming CCCS. I need to get this so I can write to the creditors before they start:eek:

Watch this space!

have a great day all

jasperconran

blimey, where is everybody??:rotfl: its been quiet in diaryland just lately lol

Well, not much to report I suppose. not got a job yet:( but still trying and trying!!! As Ive said in previous posts, thanks to OH and other circumstances my 'build your credit' credit cards are still pretty maxed out, so this year will be the first xmas not on credit and I am finding it scary lol. As I am trying desperately to get a tight grip on the money and a close eye on OH!!!! But all I get is your just like scrooge!:eek: I think I am gonna have to accept the fact that he just doesnt get it!

All that aside, I think (fingers crossed) its looking like all of xmas including food will be paid for cash:j:j first time ever!!!!! Ive still got a few things that I need to sell as I said, im gonna try facebay and other groups (sick of ebay now:mad:) which should (I hope) bring in a few hundred, so no credit cards and catalogues:j:j

I keep on checking and double checking the figures lol on my online banking. And it does all add up. All bills and xmas paid for! So why dont I feel good lol. I spent all last night stressing and worrying about money, when really it should be ok. Im sick of thinking about it!!!!

Oh well, at least the sun is shining lol have a great day everyone xx

peaceandfreedom

jasperconran wrote: »

Well, not much to report I suppose. not got a job yet:( but still trying and trying!!! As Ive said in previous posts, thanks to OH and other circumstances my 'build your credit' credit cards are still pretty maxed out, so this year will be the first xmas not on credit and I am finding it scary lol. As I am trying desperately to get a tight grip on the money and a close eye on OH!!!! But all I get is your just like scrooge!:eek: I think I am gonna have to accept the fact that he just doesnt get it!

That is frustrating but I don't know what to suggest. I'm not sure though why you let your OH anywhere near your credit cards - or are they joint cards? You need to slowly but surely separate your finances from him as far as possible, so you can build up a decent credit record and a decent secret stash of money.

jasperconran wrote: »

I keep on checking and double checking the figures lol on my online banking. And it does all add up. All bills and xmas paid for! So why dont I feel good lol. I spent all last night stressing and worrying about money, when really it should be ok. Im sick of thinking about it!!!!

Yes, well I know that feeling all too well myself. It'd be so nice not to worry about money but I can't remember the last time I didn't. But the day will come when all will be well, you've got to have that faith, Jasper and stay strong. :T

Skint_but_Optimistic

Hi chick.

Sorry about ebay but keep at it and remember to put as much info in the title as you can and brighted up the pics.

Im sorry Ive been in hospital with DD2.

Ive caught up and your husband is behaving like my ex husband. I left, he told anyone who would listen I had run up loads of debt.

Get your job and move out if he wont go, save your sanity. xx