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JC's kick up the butt diary!

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Comments

  • savingwannabe
    savingwannabe Posts: 16,619 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts
    When i was little i grew up in an environment like this. I was always hurt, it was always my fault, people always looked the other way.

    It is not your fault. You did not hurt your shoulder. He hurt you. He did this. Your doctor will explain it to you.

    Have you ever heard the songs Luka and Marlene on the Wall by Suzanne Vega? That is what kept me going as a kid. They are two of the most empowering songs i know.

    Have a good day my dear friend.
    Aiming for a minimal spend 2022
  • Choc-addict
    Choc-addict Posts: 1,894 Forumite
    JC, no need to write anything more as you have already had immense support and advice to which I just echo.

    Keep your chin up, get out of there asap and move on with your life - you won't look back, promise! Take good care of yourself xx
  • 3Dogs
    3Dogs Posts: 14,092 Forumite
    Relieved to hear that you are 'OK' and glad that you are planning ahead for your 'escape' - these plans empower you - you are now in control - don't let him take that control back

    Are you telling the doc how you got your injuries? You must as this will be 'evidence' together with your diary

    Lot of hugs jumping0044.gif
    :( Mr 3Dogs 3-7-12 :( 3Dogs'Mam 31-3-13 :(
  • LillythePink
    LillythePink Posts: 800 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts
    Hi
    I saw SW's comments about your situation in Mouseann's (like many others)

    It's a bad situation to be in and although people can urge you to leave or give you advice, only you know what you can do - but people will be here for you

    Regarding the bank accounts - no - it's not wrong not to tell him - to be fair, before I got to the last few pages - when the bank account subject was bought up - I thought - no - don't tell him - and put money into it from your Ebay stuff - even every time you buy groceries, get £10 or £20 cash back etc and put it in there.

    If you are not going to tell him about it but are going to move dd's to it - how are you going to explain the sudden reduction or payment out of your joint account to pay for them?

    In another respect, why not just open another account at the same bank as your joint on (for all of these dd's) so you know that they will get paid, but still open the "secret" one as well as your escape fund? That way, if he ever does notice the lack of dd's or large deduction of funds from the joint account, you can explain it away and even show him the account to "prove" that it's just a reorganisation to make sure the utilities or important things are paid for

    As for the bike - encourage him (but just make sure you take out some additional life assurance first)!!!

    Be strong - your DD is the main priority as if another episode of violence etc happens - just ask her right out whether she still wants you both to stay together if this is going to be the norm?
  • jasperconran
    jasperconran Posts: 756 Forumite
    Hi

    In another respect, why not just open another account at the same bank as your joint on (for all of these dd's) so you know that they will get paid, but still open the "secret" one as well as your escape fund? That way, if he ever does notice the lack of dd's or large deduction of funds from the joint account, you can explain it away and even show him the account to "prove" that it's just a reorganisation to make sure the utilities or important things are paid for]QUOTE

    hi LillythePink (love the name by the way!)

    thanks for popping in. what a great idea, I never thought to open a basic bank account with the same bank. Doh! lol. I have just not been with it at all for quite sometime now. That would be a much better idea i think, so will do that.

    thanks! x
    LBM: April 2009 - honest debt figure: Secured: £0.00!! (paid back april 2017) unsecured: £53117.48 (roughly):eek: back with CCCS starting again:(
  • LillythePink
    LillythePink Posts: 800 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts
    Hi

    In another respect, why not just open another account at the same bank as your joint on (for all of these dd's) so you know that they will get paid, but still open the "secret" one as well as your escape fund? That way, if he ever does notice the lack of dd's or large deduction of funds from the joint account, you can explain it away and even show him the account to "prove" that it's just a reorganisation to make sure the utilities or important things are paid for]QUOTE

    hi LillythePink (love the name by the way!)

    thanks for popping in. what a great idea, I never thought to open a basic bank account with the same bank. Doh! lol. I have just not been with it at all for quite sometime now. That would be a much better idea i think, so will do that.

    thanks! x

    Hey JC

    The one at your current bank is for you to have peace of mind that stuff is being paid for and you can explain it away as such if he found out about it

    The other one at another bank - that would be your secret - it would be with funds built up over time ie ebay etc - something only for you

    It's about being sneaky but truthful as well - ie he says where has this money gone - you can show him the other account with payments out for dd's - that's the truthful part, but the sneaky part is you moving money out of your joint account (cash back, £20 out of the cash machine instead of £10 etc) and banking that so you have your own secret fallback incase you need to get out in a hurry!

    I would go for both to be honest!

    xx
  • Nargleblast
    Nargleblast Posts: 10,763 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Debt-free and Proud!
    JC, glad to hear you are ok and have an action plan. May it come to fruition soon, then your nightmare will be over.
    One life - your life - live it!
  • Herewego
    Herewego Posts: 2,541 Forumite
    My thoughts are with you keep safe and keep posting.
    Remember you have a right to be happy :D Heres to happy times to come
    MARCH 2016 DEBT £25750/ £25035
    EST DFD JAN 2021 (that needs to change)
    NOW JAN 2019 (that still needs to change)
  • I'm glad you're ok today JC. Make those plans honey xxxxx
    :D Skint but happy with my lovely family :D

    Hypnotherapy rocks :j
  • savingwannabe
    savingwannabe Posts: 16,619 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts
    Goodnight JC.

    :j
    Aiming for a minimal spend 2022
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