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JC's kick up the butt diary!
Comments
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Here is a great place for help and support
http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/advice-support-40/you-being-badly-treated-41/
Please get help from someone before something worse happens to you...for your daughter's sake if nothing else.Sending you positive energy and thoughts (( ))0 -
Hello JC, just heard about your situation from Mouseann's thread. Hope you don't mind me sticking my oar in, but I have been married twice, and sometimes it is one single event that tells you "No more! It's over!" With me it was when my OH threw our 5 year old daughter's lemonade in her face because he was in a temper with me. At that point I commenced divorce proceedings. This was a long time ago, but I recall the awful feeling of being in a dead relationship with just contempt on both sides. There are always faults on both sides, but it sounds like the situation is totally unredeemable, and if he used physical violence on your daughter then it is time to get out now, while you and your daughter still have a chance. I don't know your total financial or domestic situation, it may be that getting an injunction banning him from the house is a better idea. However, even if you and your daughter are the ones to get out, you still will have a claim on the property and all that is in it, so don't worry about losing everything. Certainly a new bank account in your name is a good idea. And don't worry about the debts - if you end up living in rented accommodation and going through bankruptcy, then so what? People have done similiar and have survived. One thing I can guarantee - once you have taken action you will have the best night's sleep you have had for ages, and you will look back on this in years to come and wonder why you put up with a living hell for so long. You are number one, daughter is number 2 -if you don't look after yourself then you are in no fit state to look after your number 2!One life - your life - live it!0
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I hae just sat and read the whole thread. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through! I really feel that you must start to make plans for the time when you feel you can/have to leave because I think that time will come. Open that new separate bank account now. You could set it up paperless or have statements sent to your parents address. Consider collecting together identity documents ie birth certificates, passports, driving licenses for you and dd and if you think you can get away with it, take them to a safe place ie your parents. If you think he will notice this, then at least make photocopies and keep these in a safe place away from home. You will also need clothes for you and dd, dd's essentials like uniform, school stuff, any important posessions, photographs, etc. I am saying this because I suspect that if/when you go, it might be difficult to get back in the house and/or you may not want to go there for a while anyway. I'm sorting my kids out for bed now but after that I will post up some links for you. xxxxxxxxxxx
Skint but happy with my lovely family
Hypnotherapy rocks :j0 -
My personal view is that this is the final straw, as can be evidenced from JC's comment that she believes the marriage is now over. It is an awful predicament to be in, however, to actually offer violence to your children is crossing the line, and once the line has been crossed it will be so much easier for him to do it again.
I confess to being at a loss to understand why JC is remaining in this relationship. It is bringing her nothing but debt, misery and now violence. I understand the concerns about staying together for her daughters sake, however her daughter is now suffering both mental and actual abuse. The separation of parents does not sunder the connection between father and daughter, excepting in those cases where the father did not care enough in the first place.
I'm afraid time is running out here and without wishing to add to JCs stress she really needs to investigate the financial implications of separating, in particular with regards to accommodation, funding etc etc. Stay together and the only person she actually cares about will suffer, will leave at the earliest opportunity to escape her surroundings and JC will be left alone with a person she has come to despise.0 -
Thanks BLT. I can understand why you keep trying though JC. You think he will change and maybe you think you are the trigger for his violence. But you are not to blame. He wont change. He is wrong and you and your dear daughter need to be safe.
I hope you are ok. You should have replied by now. I hope the !!!!!!! has not hurt you and you are with your mum and dad.
Big hugs,
SW.Aiming for a minimal spend 20220 -
savingwannabe wrote: »Thanks BLT. I can understand why you keep trying though JC. You think he will change and maybe you think you are the trigger for his violence. But you are not to blame. He wont change. He is wrong and you and your dear daughter need to be safe.
I hope you are ok. You should have replied by now. I hope the !!!!!!! has not hurt you and you are with your mum and dad.
Big hugs,
SW.
But therein lies the problem SW, if JC believes she is the trigger for the violence he has already won. That is the primary weapon of the abuser, they persuade the other party that it is their fault, this then results in a loss of self confidence in the abused and it is a constant downward spiral. The only solution is to break the circle of violence before you become too downtrodden and insecure to actually do it.
One wonders how many people are actually living a life of abject misery as they have been persuaded that it is their fault that they are existing as they do.
There is never only one path to take in life, and we all have an option to choose the road we walk down (personally I wish someone would put up signposts as I always take the wrong path). JC is at the crossroads, and whether she remains there or moves on is up to her.0 -
The fact that she has written it all down on here is a sign she would like to escape. JC you seem so strong to me. I hope you are planning an escape from him. I am sure you are.
We all believe in you. Dont let him destroy both of your live's. There is so much more you can do with your life my friend. I escaped. I am a new person now.
:jAiming for a minimal spend 20220 -
scrooge2008 wrote: ». The book, "Women Who Love too Much", may help too xx.
Alternatively the book entitled 'how to kick a man where it hurts' may be a good read0 -
BLT why do men hit women?Aiming for a minimal spend 20220
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JC - SavingWannabe told us about your problem and we want to let you know that everyone is here for you but you must be strong - if you have not left yet you need to do so straight away - for the sake of your daughter and yourself - the further it goes the worse it will get and you may not be able to escape
He had made your life a misery with verbal and mental abuse and has now taken that step into violence - no matter how much he says he is sorry, you can't believe him - he has said it so many times before - and you will come to blame yourself for his problem - they only thing you have done wrong is to stay with him when he does not deserve you.
You say your daughter wanted him to stay - she can't want this situation to continue - if you can get the pair of you to your parents, she will settle away from the situation - she is old enough to understand now the violence has begun
PLEASE PLEASE do not stay with him - either get out or seek advice from CAB on getting him out with an injunction to keep him away - but do let the police know what has happened so, if it happens again, there is a history on record at least
Then get on with your own life looking after your daughter
Best wishes and loads of hugs
3DogsMr 3Dogs 3-7-12
3Dogs'Mam 31-3-13
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