JC's kick up the butt diary!

BLT_2

jasperconran wrote: »

hi all, thank you for your support and advice.

Its been an awful tense day with accusations being sent backwards and forwards via text etc. When OH came home, we still were not talking. then we exchanged words and I got the impression that he wanted us to stay together for the sake of DD only.

However about 10 mins ago, he said that wasnt the case. He apologised (again, roll eyes!) for being such a hot head. and that he does love me and wants us to stay together. I am concerned however, that I am passed this, and I dont want this life/marriage anymore.

I think I may have got thru to him with regards to the bike issue which I am relieved about. However, I dont think that I will trust him 100% just yet, and I will be keeping a close eye on him over the next couple of days.

I am still a bit upset, however, I need to clear my mind now and focus for my course coming up. This is very important to me. I have also been seeking advice with regards to separating our finances etc.

Thank you all again for your support and advice, its appreciated. I dont think that I could get thru these tough times without you all

I am mentally exhausted, so im off to bed now for an early night.

hope you are all ok, speak soon xx

I truly hope you have got through to OH, however I suspect not, having watched the situation with interest he appears to be a creature of impulse. It is the bike at the moment, but once this mountain is climbed, if indeed it is, doubtless there will be another fancy which involves serious debate, don't let him watch any active sports TV or you may wake up one morning and find a hang glider in your garden.

Your DD is the one to worry about and the impact on her, I note your comments about getting the feeling that your OH was only interested in staying together for the sake of her. I stayed in this situation for 4 years with a woman I eventually hated the sight of, we lived in different rooms once the children had gone to bed and had constant rows which affected them.

Once we eventually split the children were much happier, this can happen provided both parents are sensible and maintain contact, and we can now talk to each sensibly and even laugh at things.

Another aspect is of course is that men and women stay together because they are frightened of the unknown, regardless of the position in which they are living they will put up with it rather than cope with an uncertain future. Unhappy security is for many far better than happy insecurity.

However I have said it before, and will no doubt repeat myself, you have to make the stand or live the rest of your life the way you are currently, and even through the written medium it is clear that you do not see this as an option.

Keep smiling

Choc-addict

BLT wrote: »

I truly hope you have got through to OH, however I suspect not, having watched the situation with interest he appears to be a creature of impulse. It is the bike at the moment, but once this mountain is climbed, if indeed it is, doubtless there will be another fancy which involves serious debate, don't let him watch any active sports TV or you may wake up one morning and find a hang glider in your garden.

Your DD is the one to worry about and the impact on her, I note your comments about getting the feeling that your OH was only interested in staying together for the sake of her. I stayed in this situation for 4 years with a woman I eventually hated the sight of, we lived in different rooms once the children had gone to bed and had constant rows which affected them.

Once we eventually split the children were much happier, this can happen provided both parents are sensible and maintain contact, and we can now talk to each sensibly and even laugh at things.

Another aspect is of course is that men and women stay together because they are frightened of the unknown, regardless of the position in which they are living they will put up with it rather than cope with an uncertain future. Unhappy security is for many far better than happy insecurity.

However I have said it before, and will no doubt repeat myself, you have to make the stand or live the rest of your life the way you are currently, and even through the written medium it is clear that you do not see this as an option.

Keep smiling

Very well put BLT x

Keep your chin up JC- you'll get there no matter what, you've come this far xx

jasperconran

hi guys,

Just thought I would pop in quickly whilst I am on a break!

Well, things are a bit better this morning. Have had a text from OH being all nicey nicey lol. That doesnt cut any ice with me really, it just stops me from stressing and feeling awful.

Hopefully he has seen the light with regards to the motorbike, although I think that BLT has hit the nail on the head. If its not the bike, it will be something else. I know deep down that OH has always been like that, this is why we are in this mess of debt!

On a lighter note, I found 11p whilst I was out with the dog :rotfl: so that will go into my pad jar!!

have a good day everyone, enjoy the sunshine. speak later xx

Herewego

Hope all is ok and your keeping positive good news on the 11p it all helps.

ps. If you have sunshine please send some my way forgot what the sun looks like

jasperconran

morning all.

Things are still ok at the min between me and OH. I must get my backside into gear and sort out another basic bank account. I have been putting it off, but now I realise its something that must be done. I will have all the direct debits transferred so at least I know that all the bills are getting paid.

I have decided that seeing as I am feeling that I cannot trust OH 100% (and he acts like a child) he can keep our joint current account and I am going to deposit money into it every month and that will be his spending money. And once its gone, its gone!! thats it. I am not prepared to bail him out anymore.

Not much else going on really, back on my course today, so I shall be off shortly.

Have a good day everyone, speak soon xx

turfy6

:T Sounds like a good plan JC with the accounts. Im lucky in that I have control of the account and dont let OH have a debit card, he doesnt even know the pin number :eek: He does have a card and a pin but doesnt know it or indeed need it.:rotfl:

savingwannabe

Well done JC. You sound so in control. Gradually the stress will lessen and you will be able to face everyday without worry. We are all glad you are ok.

Big hugs,

:j

jasperconran

can anyone recommend a good basic bank account? I have looked on moneysupermarket.com and the 2 that stand out for me are co-op and natwest. Has anyone got any experience with either of these two and could perhaps offer some help/advice?

Course finished for today now, I have got a splitting headache and to top it all i feel absolutely awful, like im going to be ill. I can only put it down to all the stress/arguing thats been going on this week. To top it all, misery guts has been at home all day feeling sorry for himself, cos he's been sick all night. thats all I need. I have had no time to go food shopping, or do any housework. I feel dreadful.

When men are ill, they are flaming dying :rotfl: WE just get on with it, otherwise nothing would get done! I feel like going to bed myself, but then, where would we be!? no one will get fed :rotfl:

Hope everyone is ok.

xx

savingwannabe

Look after yourself JC. I know nothing about bank accounts. Someone clever will be on soon.

BLT etc where are you all?

:j

Choc-addict

I've heard good things about the both. If it were me i'd just compare the two accounts and see if anything differs in favour of your needs.

Hope you feel better soon JC xx