JC's kick up the butt diary!

savingwannabe

This is like a pantomime, but thank you BLT.

jasperconran

morning all,

well within 8 hours of that text I got from OH, he has gone back on his word and told me last night that he wants to get this bike he wants now:eek: I told him no way, I said you have gone back on your word. Its cos he has been offered more than he thought he would get on his old bike. I have told him again he wont get finance, I dont want anymore. He is so inpatient, it drives me mad. I found out that he is due a bonus from his work, hopefully in the next 2 months, so I said, why dont you just wait for that and then you can pay for the bike cash (see, Im even trying to compromise here). But at the moment he wont budge. We had yet another massive row last night, and DD told me last night she has had enough of us arguing. We have never ever gone to bed on an argument, we have always resolved things, not last night. We are now no longer on speaking terms. I am not backing down, I will fight this to the end, he will just have to learn to wait. He says Im telling him what to do, im not, I tried to explain that whatever I say, its all with the best intentions, I've got his best interests at heart. But he wont have it.

Half of me is very very angry, and the other half of me is sad cos I think that this could be the end of our marriage. I've had enough of being verbally attacked, everything is my fault. At this precise moment in time, I cant see a way forward for us.

I cant believe that a marriage that has lasted for such a long time, could end over a stupid lump of metal!:eek:

catch up later guys xx

Choc-addict

:grouphug:Aww, sending some (dodgy looking) virtual hugs your way JC. Keep your chin up and just remember you are the one person who is seeing sense and the bigger picture in all of this and it's only natural (and right) that you want more from life for both yourself and your daughter.

Can I suggest that perhaps you take yourself and your daughter to stay at your parents this weekend to get some time and space away? Perhaps the realisation of how serious you are will make him think harder? I only say this as it may be good for your daughter not to be around you arguing. I've been there, the child through the break of my parents marriage and it wasn't pretty in that it was abusive (verbally)and scary in the end the police were involved - it took me a long time to forgive my parents (I was 11 at the time) both my Mum and Dad for various reasons.

Having said that I am now on good terms with both of them as are they with each other - they are both better people for not being with one another. It's sad but right in their situation.

Gosh, so sorry, waffling there. I 'really' hope that your OH can see the light and also that perhaps if he spent a couple of years really ploughing at the money some stress (which I am sure he has deep down) of the financial restrictions will be far less and life more enjoyable.

Good for you sticking to your guns though JC! Are you still opening separate banking accounts for bills and your debts? If you hand over his money/debts back to him, he'll soon realise how hard it is!

Take care and have yourself a good day xx

turfy6

Hugs JC I hope he begins to "get it" soon, I know what you mean on going to bed on an argument and I try never to either, it was the one really good piece of advice my parents gave me, its so right. I must admit though that I have gone to bed on an argument but that was when OH had been drinking so rather than let it carry on we did go to sleep on it. Im rambling on now too. Sorry. Hope you get it sorted and I hope you dont give in to him as he needs to sort himself out with a little patience, after all your not saying No indefinitely. Take care

Herewego

I agree with choc addict maybe you need some time away, and i would let him apply for credit maybe the shock tactic he needs as he clearly isnt listening to you.
Keep positive and keep posting we are all here for you whatever you do, but you must keeping putting yourself and your dd first. Life is short and you deserve to be happy.

turfy6

yes definitely get him to apply for the finance, that should do the trick and hopefully he will see things more clearly. I agree with choc and herewego about having the weekend at your mums sounds like a good option.

savingwannabe

Excellent advice from everyone. I will be praying for you and hoping he wakes up. You and dear daughter spend quality time together. Make sure that you will not be liable for any new debt that is incurred whether it is on your joint cards or joint accounts - talk to someone at CAB about this or your bank.

Can anyone else offer advice. Fingers crossed he will change but keep protecting your financial future.

:j

BLT_2

turfy6 wrote: »

I know what you mean on going to bed on an argument and I try never to either

I second that, I use a mattress, or occasionally a waterbed (don't get excited ladies).

Lets be honest this is not about the bike, the bike is merely the straw which is breaking the camels back. My only worry on the advice to actually allow him to go ahead and seek a loan is that they have a mortgage, there are a number of organisations out there who I am sure would love to provide a loan on a secured basis.

Its a radical idea I know, but has OH actually thought of using his bonus money to help out in your endeavors, oops that ganja is really starting to kick in, I am having crazy ideas

jasperconran

hi all, thank you for your support and advice.

Its been an awful tense day with accusations being sent backwards and forwards via text etc. When OH came home, we still were not talking. then we exchanged words and I got the impression that he wanted us to stay together for the sake of DD only.

However about 10 mins ago, he said that wasnt the case. He apologised (again, roll eyes!) for being such a hot head. and that he does love me and wants us to stay together. I am concerned however, that I am passed this, and I dont want this life/marriage anymore.

I think I may have got thru to him with regards to the bike issue which I am relieved about. However, I dont think that I will trust him 100% just yet, and I will be keeping a close eye on him over the next couple of days.

I am still a bit upset, however, I need to clear my mind now and focus for my course coming up. This is very important to me. I have also been seeking advice with regards to separating our finances etc.

Thank you all again for your support and advice, its appreciated. I dont think that I could get thru these tough times without you all

I am mentally exhausted, so im off to bed now for an early night.

hope you are all ok, speak soon xx

savingwannabe

Sounds like a really tough day. Have a good sleep. Goodnight JC.