should have known better and yeah love is blind

burntfingers_2

Update for everyone....life has been very much a roller coaster ride and at the beginning of July my husband told me that he had met someone else, he had lovebites on his neck etc, then he wanted me and told me that he had broken the relationship off with her....needless to say it didn't happen, all part of the control thing...but at the time couldn't see that at all....I caught him drug dealing one evening. I was driving to meet him one night to tell him that it was over and that I really didn't want to get back with him etc...anyways to cut a long story short..as I approached him in the car I saw him talking to someone then I saw him pass something to this guy, who then scurried away. When he got into my car, his eyes were like saucers, he stunk of weed...that was all I needed he knew that I hate anything to do with drugs....he then took a wrap out of his pocket and offered me some...he was just so smug...I reported him to the police for drug dealing....

Several months later I am still getting text messages from him etc...usually abusive, the new girlfriend emails me and tells me that anything that they get from me as a divorce settlement is for their future together...(poor deluded woman!!!) he obviously has smooth talked himself into that relationship...(at least the domestic violence is noted on his record, so any future cases should be flagged up !!)

Hubby has filed for divorce against me on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour ?!?!?!....he has put a charge against my property although my solicitor says that he is not and will not be entitled to anything taking into account the amount of debt that he has left me with...I have put the house on the market with an Estate agent so far I have had an offer for £85k the house is offers over £89,950.00 with a view to obtaining around £110k although the house has been valued at £135k but in the present climate if I can get £93k then I will be happy as this will clear the vast majority of the debt and pay off the mortgage.

I have moved out of my house recently as my in-laws lived next door. I have been re-housed by the local council so my rent is relatively low. I have met someone else too, he was my first boyfriend from over 31 years ago, we were both 14 when we met, we were together for about 18 months...although my parents didn't think he was good enough so I was banned from seeing him...we have been together 3months although it feels like years...we are so very happy together and life is really looking good.

It is almost a year since I kicked my husband out. I never, ever thought that I would be free from him, this past year has been a real roller coaster but I have got through it and I have come out of it the otherside, happier and more contented than I have ever been. The (new) old fella is my rock. He supports me with my decisions and is there when I need a shoulder to cry on, he spoils me to bits and my happiness is paramount to him....

So I would say for all those people out there who are going through a similar situation to mine, there is hope and there is light at the end of the tunnel....you will find a way and no matter how long it takes you to escape you will and then you will be free and you can be happy....that you will go on and meet someone that justs lets you be you, that you will not have to explain why your wearing such and such, or who was that on the phone, or why you were 1 minute late etc....you will have a life that is happy and contented and even if that is on your own then so be it.....but nobody deserves to be a punchbag for anyone, whether thats verbally or physically be it male or female.

burntfingers_2

I have had a private plate for several years and when I bought my present car HE would not allow me to have this on my new car as he said that my Ex had bought it... ex hadn't bought it but no amount of explaining would make him believe me...so it was just easier to leave it off.

Today I went to the DVLA and have had private plate but back on my car.:T...the only trouble was that the retention document was in my single name and log book was in married name.:mad:...oops DVLA said did I have copy of marriage certificate:question:...answered no as in process of getting divorce....and its with the solicitors:sad:..luckily had foreseen problems so had taken solicitors letter....said that the only way that I could do it was to revert back to my maiden name, so log book sent off in maiden name, which then prompted me to come home and change my name by deed poll......so officially from today I am no longer a MRS but a MS.... :jjust need to get the divorce through now !!!

Shoe_Gal

:j:j go girl!

Nottoobadyet

I'm so happy for you and your new life!!

burntfingers_2

I am again faced with a dilemma....so any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.... my own property is on the market (in my sole name)...was originally valued at £135k . Put it on the market with an online estate agency which said that they would sell the house within 23 days blah blah blah, advised to put it on cheaper which would encourage more interest and then they use the Scottish bidding system to get the price higher....which should achieve £100-£110k so I went along with it, thought that this reflected the true value especially in today's market.

Plus psycho hubby thinks he is entitled to some of the equity too so any money that I get IF I HAVE to pay him out is less money for him....

On this spiel from the estate agents I have now missed 3 months mortgage payments, thinking that the house would have sold before that time ....I have been in touch with the mortgage company and said that I can pay half of the monthly mortgage which is £250, I haven't heard any response from them so far, (don't feel able to talk to them over the phone as still have some issues with confidence etc).

The house has been up now for 3 months....I have reduced it to offers over £84,950 but I have been advised that an offer has been made for £82,000 today and that is the maximum he can offer, he has a deposit and a mortgage in place and is a FTB.

I do not know whether to move back in with my OH and son and catch up on the arrears and hope that in the future the market picks up again....or do I cut my losses....??

I have broken away from the fact that it used to be a house that I lived in with my abusive soon to be ex husband...or that his mum lives next door...so I could realistically live back there, plus have a garden, a 3 bedroomed house in very good condition, a large kitchen instead of a 2 bedroomed council flat...but if I move back in then I cannot pay off the debts that I have as I was going to use the equity to pay these off.

I also am under the threat of redundancy as my job is funded, and there is no more funding after June. My OH has said that he will cover the mortgage payments if I am made redundant and would live with me whether I lived in a tent as long as it meant we were together....:T:j

I know its down to personal choice but just need to say it out loud and someone else give an opinion which I haven't already thought...

burntfingers_2

update on previous post...

Have rang the solicitors today to find out if my (!!!!!!) hubby can stop me from selling the house which is in my own name only to be told that he has to agree for me to sell it at £82k. (He has registered a matrimonial intereston the land registry).:mad: Knowing him and seen as though 'he only married me for my money and what he could get':( etc then I feel that he won't agree for it to go through as he believes that the house is worth more, and yes it is, but in this present market its not..:embarasse

If he doesn't agree to the sale then I have been advised that I will need to take it to court which the listing is in 3 months time and by then I will have lost my buyer and more than likely my former home.

I have been advised by my solicitor if that is the case then I could take court action and 'as it is exceptional circumstances' and could ask that the judge make an order for it to be taken off allowing me to sell the house. The money would then be put in a 'pot' until we could agree the finances.

This is money that I just don't have. The solicitors are already asking me for another £350 on top of the £500 that I have already paid for the divorce etc. It now appears that my husband does not have sufficient grounds for divorce and thought that by threatening me with a divorce on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour :eek: .....I would cross petition him and cite his violence, and the fact that he committed adultery amongst other things....but this backed fired on him and as it was the cheaper option and less stressful for me as a court hearing and having to face him again would have me back to the quivering wreck that I was a year ago....He was going to issue the divorce petition to me before it went to court as that was the beginning of December and I still haven't received my divorce petition its looking more likely that he is just trying to be clever.

I have told my OH of the debts and the predicament that I now face myself in and he has said that he will stand by me no matter what, and if I want to move back into the my old house then we can do.:kisses2:

The alternative is allowing the house to be repossessed which ensures that he gets nothing....:rotfl:

burntfingers_2

The offer for my house has now been increased to £85k which I have accepted.:j Spoke to my OH who agrees with me totally and whilst I can hang on for a better price in realistic terms I may end up with a worse offer and have to sell it even cheaper.:(

Solicitor told me that she has received the draft divorce petition which my husband has stated that ' I would instigate an argument and accusing him of having affairs and be verbally aggressive' and also ' that I allegedly told him that I was sending text messages of a sexual nature to other men, that there was 2 men who wanted to take me out. That I refused to give him access to my mobile which led him to believe that I was having sexual relations with another man which caused him great distress!!' and the third one was that I had 'changed the locks and refused to let him back into the former matrimonial home without any explanation!! :eek::mad:

At first I was shocked and could not speak to my solicitor when she told me, she told me to just let it go, that everyone who knows me knows the truth, plus I have the proof of the domestic violence/abuse through the police, my support worker and also the local women's aid refuge...I have been advised to sign the divorce petition and to let it go, she knows that I cannot cope with a court case. I am just getting my life back on track and putting it all behind me with the help and understanding of my wonderful OH. He is my rock, without him I would have crumbled so much sooner. :kisses2:

As each day that goes by I get stronger and it is one more day nearer getting rid of that scumbag that bullied me mentally, phsycially, verbally and sexually....and know that I am one step nearer to being free from him for ever.:T

burntfingers_2

*gulps*_pale_

Just had to pay £350.00 for divorce...:mad: whilst (!!!!!! soon to be ex hubby) the abuser is getting legal aid...:mad::mad: so far because he has insisted that the house is worth more than the selling price and then had the audacity to deny the domestic violence :eek:what was initially going to cost me around £700 is now looking at costing me £1400+ :mad:

Thankfully I believe in Karma....:rotfl:

funnyflipp

Read your diary from start to finish yesterday, You should be SO SO proud of yourself, whatever the !!!!!! gets he deserves (as long as it's not happiness or finances)
I hope you can soon move froward and begin your positive new life

Huge Hugs

xxxxx Funny

burntfingers_2

I do have debts from our marriage and will post them up when I eventually get the statements etc back from the solicitors. The house which is in my sole name is to be sold and at the moment its looking that my solicitors will have to do an undertaking to say that I cannot have the money until the divorce is finalised along with the finances.:mad:

So basically I have had to sell my house, the equity released from it will not even pay half of the debt.:eek: I will have spent hundreds on solicitors to get a divorce. He will have walked away scott free even though he promised to repay the debts, without having even paid a penny for his solicitor. These debts will take me years to pay off.

The !!!!!! even denied having any knowledge of the debts, he bullied and cajoled me into buying items for the house, paying for holidays, buying him a motorbike and all the kit that went with it...his designer gear, latest tv's etc.

But still that wasn't enough, even supporting him when he lost his job because of his temper and appauling attitude, was never enough, he bled me dry, left me penniless and huge debts. I even had to resort to using my credit card to pay for the groceries as that was how bad it had got, there was no money in my account when I kicked him out, and even then he asked me to draw out some money for him on my credit card!!

That was then and this is now I have something that money cannot buy. I have the love of a wonderful man, he is my rock, nothing phases him, he gives me so much love and support. He wipes away my tears and holds me whilst I sob at the things that have happened. Those days are getting less as time goes by and with him beside me I can get through this and I know that I can hold my head up high because I know I did not do anything wrong.

Yes, he is aware that I have these horrendous debts and has said that we are in this together and he will help me where and whenever he can. He has offered this month to give me £200 etc to 'help out' as he knows that I have had to pay my solicitors.

There are other women out there who are going through what I have gone through. I haven't posted half of what went on and there is really no need to, but I never thought that I would be free of him.

Yes, its over a year now since I kicked his sorry ar*e out, but I have to say whilst its been the toughest year ever, its also been the start of something so much better.

If you can't escape now then you will in the future. You will find the courage to leave and you will have a better life. The women who have escaped from such a relationship have had the words freedom tattooed and also the date too of when they were set free. I symbolised mine by having a tattoo of a butterfly....