should have known better and yeah love is blind

MiaowMiaow

Hi BF
I have just read your whole diary and am amazed at how strong you have been , you should really be proud of yourself. You have come along way and I am so glad you have met someone who makes you happy, I will be reading with interest. Lots of luck and great news on the house sale!
xx

LittleBoots

LOVE THE LIST!!!

Great news about the house sale, must be a huge weight off your shoulders. At least now you can put it behind you and get on with your new FABULOUS life.

tattycath

WOW!! what an inspiration you are-I've just read the entire diary. You've been on such a roller coaster and have been so strong. You should be VERY VERY PROUD-continued good luck with everything hun.
I was in a violent relationship for 10 years-physical violence and emotional cruelty.I was at rock bottom when i left with my little ones-I ended up being a single parent for 6 years and went bankrupt as a result of all the goings on. I'm in a much better place now and married to a wonderful man who's my rock and always there for me. I'm so very lucky.
So I can relate to your predicament-to a degree. (((hugs))) to you hun. Onwards and upwards

I always say : Every knock back makes me stronger Everything I have gone through, everything I've experienced-good and bad, makes me the person I am today. I like the person I am today-so there's a lot to be thankful for-turning negatives into positives.

burntfingers_2

Thank you all for the responses.

There must be many, many women out there like me who have gone through a similar situation and if this one little diary helps another women live a situation or can recognise the warning signs then so be it.

I never, ever thought that I would ever be in that position. Thought that it was very black and white if someone hits you or cheats on you then that is it.....when in reality it is something very very different and when you do realise how far in you are its really difficult to get out of it. Your self esteem is at rock bottom, your debts are crippling but still you daren't tell anyone.

I had a good life, good job, nice home and car and was comfortable financially. I have always been careful with money and the most that I had on my credit card was £600 that was when I first met him. He was a charmer alright and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.:eek:

He smashed things in the house on purpose if I refused to upgrade anything. My parents would come around and ask what has happened to this etc. and I used to lie and cover up what had really happened because I was ashamed

Every where I went I was up against a brick wall. The police were worse than useless and I have been told that I should make a formal complaint when this is all over....which I will do, once the divorce is through in the next few months. :j

Through the information that I was given when I telephoned the domestic helpline I suffered and endured months of physical and mental abuse. At one point they even contacted me and left a message on my ansaphone asking for me to call them back and this was by a Sergeant who should have known better. He heard the message and questioned me about it, of course I denied it, but when you dialled the number it came up with domestic violence unit :mad: They even took him away one time and then locked him in a cell 'to prevent a breach of the peace' I received a telephone call asking if he could come home, I said 'yes' not knowing that I had a choice. They then gave him a lift home in the police car

Support workers told the hostel where he was living that I had reported him for drug dealing that was on the Friday. On the Saturday he text me to tell me that he knew of it and woe betide me. Rang them on the Monday they denied it and then rang back and apologised saying that it should never have happened....but it did and they had left me vunerable all weekend without any support.

Then when I did eventually make the decision to kick him out on his arris they told me that I couldn't press charges against him as the last time he was violent was in the November and this was the February. Again I have found out after all this time that I could have and should have pressed charges against him, he most certainly would have got a custodial sentence.
But even after all of that I am free of him. :beer:. If he goes down that route with the poor girl that he has moved in with, then at least it is recorded with the police what he has done and he won't be able to get away with it again.:T

burntfingers_2

Another night of tossing and turning....feel sooooo tired this morning and really didn't want to get up.....:(


Last night when I was typing all my posts etc... my OH told me that he loved me very much (which is nothing new tbh) but the way that he said it made me realise that I have come such a long way since my diary began.

He told me that there is nothing for me to worry about and that if ever I feel stressed, I don't have to tell him the reason why or if I am angry about anything then I can just ask him for a cuddle. :A If I feel like talking he will support me that he will listen and will not judge.

I love him so very, very much. My life is so much better now that he is in it. :kisses2: :blushing: and for the first time in years I can relax and just be myself. :j

We have been invited to a birthday party which the host is my soon to be ex sister-in-laws. The !!!!!! isn't invited but my father-in-law will be and that side of the family. (His mum and dad divorced a number of years ago....Domestic violence!!)

I was in two minds as to whether I should go? but as I knew the host before I met !!!!!! and was friends with the whole family prior to meeting him then I have said that we will go. They can't wait to meet OH as they have seen how happy I am. It will be good to catch up especially as his mum (MIL) was my best friend for a number of years.

Tomorrow we are going out with my sister and her OH. It will be very MSE :money:night as we both have tesco clubcard vouchers and are using them at a local restaurant. Will be the first time we have all gone out as a foursome so I am really looking forwards to it. :beer: :rotfl: :T

tattycath

FWIW i think you should go to the party-or it will be like he's still controlling your actions. If you want to go-then you should forget everyone one else, you need to do exactly as you wish now hun (((hugs))) xx

burntfingers_2

I think its good that they still think of me as part of the family, and the fact that they haven't bothered to even ask !!!!!! to it.:j

As for my father-in-law he is nothing but small fry...and yeah I had never thought about him still controlling me by not going....gotta to look my best too !! :A

Nearly home time and then getting the glad rags out ready for tonight....:beer:

LittleBoots

Hiya

I think you should go to the party, but only if YOU want to. Your OH sounds lovely, bet they will all love him as he is making you so happy.
Have a great weekend

burntfingers_2

Just a quick update...

The party went off really well on Friday evening. My OH paid for the taxi's and the alcohol so all in all a cheap night for me :beer:

The host even invited us as a couple to her house for a meal. Nothing arranged for definate but even if we don't go it was a nice thought...:)

My other sister in law said that she had never seen me this happy and even hugged OH :cool:

Did the supermarket run and I try and stick to £70 pw shopping for 3 adults, it came in just at £73.63 so not too bad considering last week I only spent £38.00. Did get some treats from Mr A as the B & G icecream was on offer and it is sooooooooooooo yummy!!!

Last night we went out with my sister and her OH, we used some tesco clubcard vouchers so all in all cost me £15.00 for the night out including us both having a three course meal...:rotfl:


Today I spent £4.50 on the car wash so all in all not too bad a weekend.

burntfingers_2

The morning started off a bit rubbish as I was trying to be very MSE :money:and make a sandwich for work. Only trouble is I burnt my hand on the cooker and it is very, very painful and I can see a blister appearing too :eek:

Nothing has changed on the work front and the funding is still an issue as yet we haven't been able to secure anything else and it does look more as to when and not if I will receive my redundancy notice .