should have known better and yeah love is blind

BERTIEMATE

Hi, just had to add that I too had a 'relationship' exactly like the one you have described. That was 7 years ago and i can honestly say that my life has improved greatly even though I have no money and am starting an IVA with debts left to me my by ex plus debts built up to provide myself and my son with a new life. I am happier now than I ever was with him, can finally breathe and you too will be so so much happier. Please look after yourself, take time to concentrate on yourself and what you know to be true, keep strong and you too will be a stronger person for coming through this.X X X X

LittleMoog

burntfingers wrote: »

Yesterday wasn't as NSD either as I had to call the Enviromental Health to come and tackle the issues of the vermin. Had to pay out £68 by card over the telephone before they would come out. This includes 3 home visits... told aforementioned neighbour about this and she swears by cornflakes and antifreeze and is under the impression that the rats will leave as it is summer now!! Dunno where the dead bodies are ending up just hope its under their floorboards and not mine.:(

Hiya, been lurking for a while, you're doing brilliantly, stay strong My advice would be to get the divorce asap, and then break off all contact. I had a similar situation with my emotionally abusive alcoholic father, after my mum died, and it wasn't until I was rescued by my aunt and uncle, and broke off contact that I could see that I wasn't in the wrong for not being able to look after my brother and hold the family togethr (what with only being 18 and all) and start to adjust to normal expectations again. That was 10 years ago last week, and even now the thought of contact makes me feel sick and shaky. It's the anniversary of mum's death on monday, and I'll be turning off my phone to avoid having my happy memories of her ruined by the messages he'll no doubt send me asking me to get in touch etc.

just wanted to say, on the rat front, we had what we thought were mice last year, and had the council out free of charge to put down bait. If you have a dead rat somewhere you'll know about it soon enough. we had an unpleasant musty smell and plagues of bluebottles for a few weeks until one day I found the dead rat in the cupboard under our bay window (when I went to read the meter, eek!:eek:)

Anyway, hope that's helpful
Jxx

burntfingers_2

Thank you for all the messages of support they are greatly appreciated I was beginning to think that I was writing a very boring diary -:(

I know its just me, when someone has taken away your self esteem and confidence and your whole being exists purely round them, then when you find that you are on your own its a kinda scary place.

I did go out again on Friday night. Was a very cheap night as took (and I am ashamed to say ) was the old trick of vodka in the handbag scenario and just kept buying diet cokes (was a storecupboard item!! lol). Only trouble is was then so very hungry ended up taking my friend out for taxing me about and bought us both a starter and a curry to share totally £17.30 with drinks :eek: Still we had a laugh on the general side of things wasn't too expensive but came off my food budget. Very kindly refused her offer of doing the same over last night as I don't think my stomach would take anymore alcohol.:rotfl:

Lily my female jack russell has come into season and there is blood everywhere...OMG..she is proper miserable and howls really pathetically when I leave her in the kitchen but as it is lino then I can easily clean it up, the blood is dripping on the carpets and she can't sprawl out on my bed as usual. So one very unhappy Lily and one unhappy mum too!

My son went out last night to stay at one of his friends, so very little spends yesterday totalling £5.73 even with the Friday night escapades this totals £22.30.

Need to go and get some veggies for sunday lunch/through the week etc. So will have very little spends then at the most would say £10 topside. Then aiming for NSD Mon, Tues £5 SW, Weds AGM meeting get 2 free drinks bought = NSD, Thurs friends birthday night out, max £10 for meal, Friday NSD hopefully so aiming for 3 NSD during the working week.

burntfingers_2

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I haven't read the rest of the thread, sorry will do in sec but the general rule is pay off the highest interest rates first BUT I think if you have an overdraft that should be paid off first cos isn't it the only debt a bank can immediately stop giving you? and just use say your wages to pay it off essentially taking your money? I think that is right hopefully someone with more of a clue will be a long soon!

xxx

Buffy I changed my bank account almost immediately that he left as I knew it wouldn't be long before the sh**te hit the fan. Alliance and Leicester sent me a letter yesterday from Security Investigations Debt Recovery Division demanding the whole balance on my overdraft which has now increased from £1500 to £1563.36. They are asking me to phone them and discuss the repayment of the outstanding balance. I am not going to do this just send them a copy of my SOA which was provided by CCCS :T as I know that I will cry on the phone telling them my circumstances _pale_

I have set up a payment to go out on the 1st of every month for £5.00 token payment which is really more than I can afford to all of my creditors.

Buffythedebtslayer

burntfingers wrote: »

Buffy I changed my bank account almost immediately that he left as I knew it wouldn't be long before the sh**te hit the fan. Alliance and Leicester sent me a letter yesterday from Security Investigations Debt Recovery Division demanding the whole balance on my overdraft which has now increased from £1500 to £1563.36. They are asking me to phone them and discuss the repayment of the outstanding balance. I am not going to do this just send them a copy of my SOA which was provided by CCCS :T as I know that I will cry on the phone telling them my circumstances _pale_

I have set up a payment to go out on the 1st of every month for £5.00 token payment which is really more than I can afford to all of my creditors.

Its good that you have a new bank account and I think you are doing the right thing not phoning them. Good for you xxxx

burntfingers_2

Haven't posted for a few days, been struggling with every day tasks, difficult to get out of bed and get motivated the sleeping is still an issue which means when its time to get up I am sooooooooooo tired.

Santander are insisting on ringing me still even though I have told them that no-one of that name lives there!. I know its a lie, but feel so ashamed and have already written to them twice. Why don't they read the information instead of hounding people.

I have had to re-issue financial statements showing my income and expenditure to all creditors as no-one seemed to be listening.

Having said that today I have received 4 letters today all from MBNA as I have two accounts with them (Virgin) & LFC platinum (MBNA) on the virgin they have asked me to ring them to discuss the matter further and maybe they can offer me assistance. On the second letter it states that they understand that I am experiencing severe financial difficulties and have accepted my £5 offer and have agreed to suspend the charges and interest:j

On the LFC card (MBNA) they have asked me to ring them to discuss the matter further and maybe they can offer me assistance and then the second one regarding the LFC states that they have reviewed my account and a restriction has been placed on the account and cut up my cards, as no further transactions will be authorised. Which is fair enough.

But why the different answers when they are both the same company???:(

Another payment is due on the 1st for each of them. I know that I cannot afford more at the moment so will just persevere with paying what I can afford.

On the plus side I sent 2 phones off for recycling and received a cheque for £38.25 (it gave me great pleasure as one was my actual phone that HE broke and the second was HIS phone!!) :rotfl:

Hope everyone has a lovely Bank Holiday :T

LittleMoog

Hi BF,
You haven't posted for a while, hope you're ok?
Julesxx

burntfingers_2

Hi All

I haven't posted for a while as the medication along with increased pressure from my husband made me feel like a quivering wreck...I have stopped taking the medication and feel human again, I can now sleep and don't feel anxious anymore.

I have changed my landline number which was done last week and I am starting to pick myself up a little bit.

My husband is having counselling and keeps promising me that he is changing..on the rare occasions that I do see him if he wants 'to talk' then I can not see any difference in his behaviour.

I know he is trying to manipulate me even now 4 months down the line. I know I have to take the steps to divorce him and have considered using divorce on line. He says that if that is what I want then he will sign the papers (when he is been rational) and when he isnt he is saying that he wants back what he paid into the house etc...which was his wages and no lump sum, he didnt own anything apart from a bin bag of clothes. He didnt have any property to sell which he then put into mine. My solicitor that I spoke to initially has said that he is not entitled to anything. Especially as it was a short marriage and the fact that I am the one left with all the debts etc.

So far, the creditors, MBNA x 2 have frozen the interest and the charges, Barclaycard passed my account over to Mercers despite me contacting them on a regular basis. They had stated that they would freeze interest and charges once they had received my financial statement. I wrote advising that this was done immediately and would they consider refunding the charges?? (Cheeky I know !!!)

Alliance and Leicester bank account have frozen the charges and each month they send me a receipt for my £5.00.

Different story though for my loan. They keep sending me letters in my maiden name, I have written back in my married name and have advised them that this should have been changed when they updated my account details. They had passed it over to debt collection and was demanding 2 months payments.

As for my Marks and Spencers I have ashamedly been spending on this I have paid the monthly payments on a regular basis as requested but know that I can't meet their payments next month. I need to pay them £175.00 this month, which I can afford to do as I took the 3 month payment break. I now have enough money to pay for my divorce if needed.

Sorry for the long waffle was ashamed to post the last bit...:(

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello Burntfingers xx

glad to see you back, and don't be ashamed, you are doing really well, look the main thing is you have the money for your divorce and you know what is happening money wise. You are tackling this hon xxx
very happy you posted tho,
Buffy xx

burntfingers_2

Tomorrow I am speaking to my ex husband about increasing the maintenance payments (haven't been increased since my son was 3 & daughter was 4 now aged 17 next month and she is already 18!) I am looking at all avenues of increasing my income and cutting down on my spending.

Only trouble is 'cos hubby wants to come around and discuss 'how we move forward ' and I have said that I can't as I don't know when he will bring DS back and pick up DD. That I didn't know how long it would take (quite reasonable considering that he lives about 110 miles away) and guess what??? I am having an affair with ex hubby, and that he hopes that I think about hubby when I am in bed with him!!! What a charming man!!! NOT.:mad:

I am so wound up by it all that I could quite literally file for divorce right now...but then I think why should I pay for a divorce??? Hubby in one of his previous rant modes has already told me that he wants to find someone else that he can marry as he is young enough to do that...part of me doesn't want to make it easy for him...as I know he will fight me through court and make me suffer again. If I can keep things ticking over for another 6 months then we will have been separated the same time as we were married and then he won't have a cat in hells chance of getting anything as he is not contributing to the household.

Or is it that I am just losing the plot??? :rotfl: