should have known better and yeah love is blind

terryw

On the subject of divorce, here's a contemporary thread which has some good general advice and links which may be of use to the OP.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=31439647#post31439647

anneleyskiing

Hi there.

I'm really sorry to hear what has happened to you. It seems like you have already had some legal advice. I agree with the other poster that you should get a divorce and a 'clean financial break' from this man. You may not be ready for it right now, but it is worth finding out your options.

You might qualify for Legal Aid, which might not be free but at much lower cost of instructing a solicitor privately.

I tried to put figures into the Legal Aid calculator (although I had to guess some).

http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/calculators/eligiCalc?execution=e1s1

You don't have to launch straight into doing anything you don't want to do, but you should get independent advice.

If you don't qualify, then you could see if local firms have a low cost or free first interview.



Wishing you well

burntfingers_2

Managed to get a refund on the overpayment for my car. My monthly statement arrived for my gas/elec which they had over estimated which shows that our usage has gone down.

Removed all items from storage this saves me £65.00 per month, It wasn't listed on my SOA as I knew I would be giving it uup shortly - received a refund of £46.00 which I should receive from them in the next 10 days?

Received first letter acknowledging my letter to A&L they have taken me over my overdraft limit by paying their loan to themselves. Charged me for this and have now said that they will charge me a £15.00 administration charge for allowing me to go onto reduced payments, which again will be added to my overlimit overdraft taking me even further over my limit ...eeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk

On the plus side i found my nectar card and enquired as to how much I had to spend turns out it was £25.00 so I went with my son and got some groceries which came to a grand total out of my budget of £3.34, I then went onto Tesco to get my other groceries and spent £45 there too. Got 2 weeks worth of shopping for £48.00 although have to get some dog and cat food again this week sometime.

After the storage pick-up slight downfall we had a macdonalds £7.78 for 2 of us. Neither of us had any breakfast (I was borrowing my fathers van and needed to be there early to collect it as they were going away for the weekend). It was way past lunchtime and I was feeling quite ill.

Grand total of spends yesterday was groceries £48

Todays spends £7.78 mcdonalds.

Will look into a divorce through divorce online etc.

Shoe_Gal

Sounds like you are keeping on top of things - don't worry about the odd treat/slip up - we all have them sometimes

honeybear_2

Wow, honey, you're been through such a tough time. I'm so impressed with how you're keeping yourself together & getting on with things.

Best of luck with the house, car etc etc.

xx

burntfingers_2

I am trying to keep positive and deal with things as easily as possible. To be honest the past year has been a nightmare. Dealing with the money side of things is easy for me at the moment, as I am back in control of my finances.

My husband always had his money paid into my account but made sure that he always spent all his wages in one way or another leaving me to make up for the shortfalls, hence the overdraft kept increasing, then I would end up doing a balance transfer to clear the overdraft as I was worried about the charges etc and the fact that the mortgage payment may bounce. Whether it was for alcohol, takeaways or cigarettes and if he wanted new trainers or clothes and if I ever dare refuse then he would kick off big time. Ensuing row would follow and then I would be verbally/physically and emotionally battered so it was just easier to give in to him.

But that was then and this is now, looking forward to the future and whatever it may bring. At least my son and I are now safe, it maybe a few tough years ahead but one where we can now live in relative peace.

Thanks again to everyone for the wonderful support.

yesterdays spends were £35.00 to fill my car up with petrol and I gave my son £10.00 to go out with his friends. He never asks me for anything so I didnt mind giving him this. I get paid in 11 days so as I have been really careful then I can afford to do this as a one off.

The other downside is that I need to get my electrics sorted out in the house. When my daughter was home from college the other weekend she hadnt put the shower curtain in the bath properly and water was coming through the light fitting in the lounge. I thought it looked a bit loose and just needed tightening up but the whole thing more or less dropped down. As I was having a viewing I had to tape it to the ceiling ...omg !! felt a right fool but explained what had happened and that I was waiting for the electrician to come out and mend it.

The electrician is coming out on Tuesday night to give me a quote, but when my husband originally fitted the centre light as it was on a loop(?!!?) my bedroom light and porch light has stopped working since and I really need to have a new fuse box....!! I know a valuation will show that this needs doing anyways. Hopefully it wont cost more than my mortgage payment this month to get these jobs done.

I have sold a couple of items over the weekend and raised a total of £120.00 this is going towards the divorce fund!

Have just about managed to unpack the storage boxes and amnot throwing anything away....I now look at how much will that bring on Ebay?

Well Happy Easter to everyone although there isn't much left of it !

paybacktime2008

Hi again.

have you got contents/building insurance? if so claim!

burntfingers_2

Morning all well just about anyways

Am having trouble sleeping at the moment and took some herbal sleeping tablets last night the only trouble is I have woke up with a banging headache. Feel like I have been on the red wine all night (I wish!).

Loads of stuff to do today like sorting out all the 'stuff' that I got out of storage! Trying to find space for it all, surely I can have accumulated more since the boxes went into storage??

I am hoping to get the following done today as I am back at work tomorrow! At least if I stay at home then it will result in a NSD which surely is a bonus.

[STRIKE]
change bedding
[/STRIKE][STRIKE]tidy up my bedroom[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]
find space for all items brought out of storage
[/STRIKE][STRIKE]vaccum bedroom [/STRIKE]

[STRIKE]wash aforesaid bedding[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]three wash loads to do[/STRIKE]

[STRIKE]tackle kitchen worktops [/STRIKE](full of 'stuff' out of storage)
[STRIKE]take dogs out for a walk [/STRIKE](although at the moment she is asleep on my knee with her head resting on my arm! so cute !!)

Try and fend off unwanted messages from no doubt drunken husband accusing me of all sorts because I don't want to see him etc.

Will look into house insurance/contents covering electrical wiring and will give them a call tomorrow! Thanks for that :T

Well better get off here oh and I forgot to mention that it would be better if I got dressed before I take the dogs out !!

Enjoy the rest of your Bank Holiday for those that are not working of course!

BF xx

thrifty_fifty

Hi There,

Just to say sorry that things have been bad in the past for you, but you are amazing, and what a role model you are for your kids. You'll get through this and even stronger than you are now. As each day goes by you'll start to feel better and realise that you are so special.

I firmly believe that these people don't even see what they are doing is wrong, they feel completely justified in their actions. You know better and don't ever have to put up with that again.

Counselling is good, it took me a good few sessions to realise that it wasn't me who was to blame for the way I was being treated. Although I wasn't physically abused I did suffer mental abuse in put downs, which destroyed my confidence. I felt like I was the one who 'just didn't get it'. Until one day after many sessions when I was reversing the car, and yet again he was instructing me how to drive, I ignored him telling me to go when I wasn't ready and his response was 'why can't you just do what I tell you to do, when I tell you to do it?', and because I was stronger by that point and could see him my response was 'well if I need to answer that question for you, then it isn't worth my breath'

Just thank your lucky stars every day that you are not one of these people. They are in the dark and you are a shining star.

I wish you all the very best in your amazing journey to freedom.

xx

Chrisblue1962

Dear Burntfingers, just a quick note to say "well done". You are making giant strides already. The site has loads of nice DFW'ers who are always willing to give advice, kind words or a virtual hug.

Good luck, will pop in soon to hello again.