should have known better and yeah love is blind

blue-bells_2

Just read through your diary and wanted to say hi

You have been doing so well and I wish you all the luck in the world :A

I will be following your journey *subscribes*

40somethingmum

Just caught up on your diary and wanted to wish you luck . I was in a relationship similar to yours 20 years ago. The best thing I ever did was walk out the door:T. I will be here supporting you

Love & ((hugs))

40SMXx

burntfingers_2

I have looked into selling my car to repay my debts. I originally put my car in part exchange and raised £2200.00 I then added a further £1200.00 cash and have paid payments of £147.00 for the past 14 months. They have told me that the settlement figure is £5452.00. I have been quoted a figure of £6785.00 by a web based company who buys the car from you. They have stated that this valuation is valid for the next 7 days, they charge an admin fee of £74.99 and you receive your payment 3-4 working days after that. They have requested that I take the settlement figure in writing which is dated within the last 7 days too. If I took this option this would then mean that I have £1333.33 to buy another car, pay for the insurance, mot and car tax.

At first I thought great frees up £147.00 per month which I can pay towards my debts which means in effect that it will take just over 3 years to pay off the debt. :T

Then ....

I then re-looked at my budget and the fact that I am in a deficit of around £77 pounds per month so this would leave about £70.00 per month which would then double the amount of time that I am in debt to about 7 years and thats assuming that the creditors freeze the interest and charges!!

Then I have the dilemma of

do I ...

Continue to pay my car, have a reliable car that does not need an MOT for another 2 years and which will last me several years more? I dont do high mileage and look after my cars and have them serviced regularly.

Or do I....

Opt for a cheaper runaround which maybe lasts me a few months/years, which may/not need expensive repairs/MOT and needs replacing because its more economical to scrap it....I am worried that without a car I cannot get to work. I do not know any mechanics that can do work on the cheap for me so would rely on garages for repairs.:(

Would appreciate other peeps advice?

I have 2 more viewings on my house tomorrow evening straight after each other! :jIF the house sells I will be able to offer full and final settlements eventually, and move into a rented house until my credit reference file improves and then decide as to whether to buy another house or to continue to rent?

As for the NSD I managed not to spend a penny. Tomorrow will be the same and also Thursday. Friday will need to get some groceries although just topping up, and will probably have to fill up the car with petrol at some point..

Pay day on the 15th April :jhopefully my ex hubby (the children's father) will pay maintenance on time this month £108, and my tax credits I have paid in weekly. The child benefit goes in monthly. I am hoping as I am taking a three month payment break on my mortgage that I can put this money aside just in case I need an injunction or to file for divorce proceedings in the future as I never know when I will need one.

My husband is very volatile and very unpredictable and now he has informed me that he is an alcoholic too! We have only been apart for 6 weeks and he never had any issues before that well never drinking everyday like he states that he is now. He is actually a compulsive liar and will say anything to play the victim, he has a way of making me feel guilty and is not happy until he has reduced me to tears. I know that all of this is part of the control that he has over me. I am getting stronger and can see through what he is trying to do. Its still scary though


Thanks once again to everyone for all the support. :A

judi24

just found your thread - you are doing great - i have been in an abusive relationship so know where you are coming from - this book was very enlightening
Living with the Dominator: A Book About the Freedom Programme: 1
by Pat Craven. I was given it but i bought it for a friend from amazon - i didn't go to the support groups either cos i didn't want to admit to being a victim - i always considered myself to be strong and tough! The book really helps to understand the situation and the fact that it is not ok nor your fault that he was abusive - good luck

diddly74

Hi there, and well done for getting rid!

I have a very close friend who was in a violent relationship and it took her so long to realise that she could cope without him and she and the kids would be so much better off without him giving her broken bones and bruises every weekend! The kids never knew what new bruises Mum would have when they got up for school! They were frightened silly and I have spent more than a few hours in hospital with her. He was an alcoholic, bought up in a violent home, just replaying his parent's marriage - but she is out now and happy.

You should be very proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and know that you are worth more than that!

Have you contacted the CCCS, National debtline or the CAB? They give free advice and for us certainly helped a lot. It was nice to be able to talk things over with someone who was sympathetic and also by the reputation of the organisation added weight to our correspondence sent to creditors. You have questions and worries, and if the advisor doesn't actually know the answer there and then, they usually know a person who will or have the means to get it! Our CAB advisor managed to stop the repossession of our house last year when my OH was out of work for many months. They were very helpful and like I said before, just by the association with them our creditors knew we weren't just pulling a fast one or bumbling around in the darkness of debt legalities we had taken advice and had someone behind us.

I hope things continue to get better for you and you get an offer on the house!!

D

Minxy_Bella

I just wanted to say how fantastically well you're doing!

Well done on getting rid of that person (!) - I know how scary it is living like that - as another poster has said, never, ever, ever take him back. He is toxic and will destroy the rest of your life if you let him.

So what if it takes a while to get out of debt - you and your son are safe now and can enjoy a relaxed home with your animals. Bliss!

xxxx

burntfingers_2

Well one of the peeps turned up for the viewing :Tand the other didn't although wasn't too sure as to whether he could find it, saw a guy drive past looking a bit lost and wondered hhmmm was that him? The estate agent will be on the phone tomorrow no doubt.

I have read the forum on suprising as to what sells on Ebay and has made me look at everything in a different light!! :eek: I am off work for a long weekend so going to download the turbo lister etc.

Just got out my digital camera and it has all the wedding pictures on it there was two pictures which were of my best mate (male) and myself. My bestmate asked me to email these pics as I hadn't sent them previously due to all the hassles etc. They have been deleted!! :mad: I am gutted as my bestfriend and I go back several years and have been through a lot together (he was seriously ill and it was touch and go as to whether he pulled through) by my possessive husband (soon to be ex husband) because we had to be married 1 year and a day before I could file for a divorce which is just up this week.

Only trouble is I can't afford to pay for one (and feel why should I it was Him that did this to us !!) besides which he isn't working at the moment so he won't pay for it either. Looks like I am stuck with him for the time being.

Will wait for the call from the Estate agents and if they don't want it may consider ringing 'Cash for homes' just to get a fresh start somewhere else for my son and I.

Got through another day without any spends !! Think will need to do grocery shopping tomorrow/fill car up with petrol and then aiming for no spends over the long Easter weekend! (thats the plan !!)

burntfingers_2

diddly77
I have completed the debt remedy online with CCCS. I used the figures that they had suggested. In my past experience I know Barclaycard insist on a £5.00 minimum payment and to be honest if it gets them off my back for 6 months then I will be in a lot better place than I am at the moment!!
Hopefully off the medication too:)

blue-bells_2

Morning!

Hope you're ok today. Did you decide what to do about your car? Good luck with selling your house, I hope something comes through soon.

Have a good day

Minxy_Bella

Honey - pay for the divorce! Get that man out of your life completely ASAP. It's worth it!

PS I'm sure there are some quickie divorce sites on the net where it might only cost a few hundred. Mine cost me two grand because the git wouldn't sign the papers for ages but it was worth every penny!

xxx