Lose weight 29

de1amo

i am now being reminded why i never wanted kids in the UK-i dont blame the parents or the kids- it is the 'have it all' culture that has been spun to us by politians and advertisers--it just doesnt exist where i am and my step daughter is happy with just having normal things in life--she gets good things because she is a good girl and deserves a treat or two not because she emotionally blackmails us--if she did that she knows she would get nothing because that is the right of a child!

retiredlady

de1amo wrote: »

i am now being reminded why i never wanted kids in the UK-i dont blame the parents or the kids- it is the 'have it all' culture that has been spun to us by politians and advertisers--it just doesnt exist where i am and my step daughter is happy with just having normal things in life--she gets good things because she is a good girl and deserves a treat or two not because she emotionally blackmails us--if she did that she knows she would get nothing because that is the right of a child!

I agree it is a difficult time to have teenagers - but then when wasn't it?:) I don't think you can tar all kids with the same brush though. I work with teenagers and have got to say most of them are delightful people. I know they can have their moods but so can anybody really. It is just with age we learn to handle and control ourselves a little better - well most of the time anyway!

Victory I am sorry you are having such a hard time with yours! Did you ever get that ticket money sorted out? Didn't you say you had booked tickets to see comedians for 3 weeks in a row? What other shows did you go and see?

de1amo

i sure i had my moments when i was young but it didnt involve emotional blackmail for personal gain--i teach kids from 3 years up to mature adults and the teenagers just have different challenges(notibly getting some homework from them) -in many ways they have the same feel about them as the times when i was that age--i wouldnt teach in the uk because of the monster element that has been produced-i sympathise with you Victory!

victory

We went to see Jim davidson and jimmy carr, peter kay tickets sold on ebay but he did not pay and now they are on again to sell to get some money back from what the car cost.

Son read the letter, tore it up and left it outside his room with his cups and plates, I LAUGHED, OH told me off, I was laughing at how much he had NOT learnt, he left the plates outside convinced I would take them down:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Hezzawithkids

victory - right with you girlfriend, time to go on strike. As if tearing your letter up isn't bad enough leavng the plate outside the door is outrageous. How long can you take the Mexican stand-off? If I was in your place I'd be doing exactly the same, time for some tough love. Let him get his own food, do his own washing, buy his own toothpaste, he'll soon find out what real life is all about.

I remember my big sister (and all my 3 brothers) having some furious rows with my parents when I was young; when she was 16 she decided she was going to move out and I came home from school that day and walked into the middle of a doozie of a row with my mum. When my dad got home from work my mum told him that my sister was moving out and my dad said: "Great, I'll help you pack. Do you want a lift?" That brought her up short, the subject was dropped and she never mentioned it again.

victory

Thanks hezza:D I have black bagged up his washing he left by the washing machine and shoved it in a cupboard, I closed his door of his bedroom, he has left it in a state and his curtains are still drawn so door closed do not have to see it, I am obviously doing all the rest of the housework just making sure I do not touch anything that has to do with him:D
He went off to school this morning not a bye nothing, he has chosen not to speak to us but he knows we are here for him when he decides to be an adult and talk this out.
I HATE IT, sure he does too but he has to learn and tough love it is:D

PepPop

Hezza that reminds me of my sis, she decided after an arguement with my mum before school that she was leaving after she came home that afternoon. She walked up the path to find her suitcase packed and sitting on the doorstep. I was peaking out the curtains upstairs - her face was a picture.

victory Still thinking about you and your situation. Hopefully things will improve over the weekend - but I agree with everyone stick to your guns and hang in there.

victory

His washing have put back in his bedroom in a black bag with a note saying that as we do nothing for you as you clearly stated your washing is returned, until you can apologize and realise that we do things for you, you will be unable to join us for meals and have anything done for you. Respect has to be earnt and as you have no respect for us we are not able to do anything that involves you.

Sold the peter kay tickets for exactly the same price I paid for them, you win some you loose some and boy do I loose some:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

sarymclary

Victory, I'm glad he's back home. That's the biggest hurdle dealt with, so that you at least know he's home and safe. I am also glad that you and your OH have presented a united force for him to have to deal with. Singing from the same hymn sheet is essential, because if you don't, children spot a chink in your armour, and play you off one another.

From an outsider's viewpoint, it sounds like he's trying very hard to stick with his tantrum, and opinion that he is hard done by. What you have to remember is that he's speaking with immaturity, without a proper understanding of quite how hard parents have to work at keeping a roof over their head, and the bills paid. They switch on a light, and don't see the pennies pouring out of the house.

I think we have to accept that despite our very best efforts to raise our children with good values, to love and respect one another, etc., that their own personality will always be there too. My own rebellious son is very different from his 3 siblings. He's the square peg in the round hole, and the most selfish of them all. He's not like me at all in that respect, so I have to accept that is just who he is, although I may not like it. Nonetheless, while he lives with us, he has to fit in with us, he has to abide by our family values. He's much like your son Victory, not wanting to take on any of the responsibilities within the family, he's not as caring and fond an older brother as his own older brother is. He has one chore, to unload the dishwasher every couple of days, and to keep his side of a bedroom tidy too, but even that's too much sometimes.

We all live differently, but if your son isn't respecting the home he's living in, and isn't prepared to care properly for the space you've provided for him, then I'd have to rethink the house rules for him. We don't allow any food/drink upstairs anymore because the plates & cups never came down. They have to empty their own rubbish bin & clean their own room, because it was always too messy for me to do.

My only advice here would be to not exacerbate the initial issue any further. I'd leave him to brood, and eventually his temper tantrum will run it's course. He'll eventually have to back down, because he needs you, but in the meantime try to keep your cool, and stay as unemotional as you can. Maintain a business as usual attitude for the rest of your family. He will realise the world does not come to a grinding halt when he refuses to partake in family life. Make as little fuss as possible about his washing, cleaning & general needs. If you're not making him any meals, then he'll help himself. Once he's calmed down, then you can get the talking done, but before then you'll be wasting your breath, and keeping him wound up I'd guess.

I think it says a great deal about the group of friends he has around him, that they were colluding to all get the season tickets bought for them. I do think it's wrong that other parents seem to provide money & 'stuff' to their children just because. When mine tell me about a friend who has been bought a car or moped, or skiing trip, etc., I remind them how lucky that friend must be, but it's usually come at a price; divorced parents, parents have always worked f/time so they were with child-minders, or in daycare, or I point out that the parents don't have a house that's paid for, or even a car for that matter, their life is provided for on borrowing & debt, whereas what we have is paid for cash. We may not have a flash car, holidays abroad, or even an LCD TV, but what we do have is our's. They don't go without, but we don't over-indulge them either. As adults we're making our own sacrifices, and going without, so they have to sometimes be reminded of that. I gave up my career when son no.2 was born, and I've dedicated my life so far to raising my children, because I thought that was more important than me having a better job and fancy title. The sacrifice I made now means I am finding it nigh on impossible to get back into the workplace, and I've had the occasional jibe from older sons about me not working now (now they don't need me there), even if their younger brothers may do.

I have already promised my older 2 boys that I will be giving them a try-out of being a student in the next year or so, and giving them a £10 p/w budget to feed themselves, but they have to buy everything they eat with that, apart from seasonings. Initially it sounded like a large amount of money, until they realised it had to provide all their meals for the week & not popping round to their girlfriend's parents for dinner each night.

Being a teenager is about self. Discovering who you think you are, and thinking about the person you believe you want to be. Realising you may be different from your peers, not matter how that may manifest itself. It's a frustrating time, because you think you're so grown up, you think you know it all..... only time can make you realise the truth.

Eric, I hope you get through this bad patch. Don't lose sight of your long-term goal, and don't allow this hiccup to spoil your dream.

Beanie - if all you've ever done is your best, you could never have done any more, or any different for your children. Loving your children can never have failed them.

de1amo - not all kids are the same, not even here in the UK. The problem is that the majority of kids who just get on with it, and are much like we all were as children don't get mentioned, but the difficult ones are the topics of conversation. My other 3 boys are delightful, and make being a mum worthwhile. My eldest, who's now 18, asked me to make a cake for his last physics class this week, so I did, and later he said 'mummy, you do know that I truly adore you, don't you?' I can cope with all the tantrums along the way knowing that you do get appreciated eventually.

de1amo

Teaching a class of 30 odd teenagers and the bad apples will dominate the class-its no fun being no fun with kids. i enjoy teaching good kids and hate the bad apples for disrupting the lessons. i own my school, i just eject them and return their fees with no chance of appeal-its my kingdom and i am not having the bad element taking control. My school is growing fast under my policies and getting a good reputation.