Lose weight 29

Pud_ding

So sorry Eric :-(

Do keep at it, at 750 fewer caloires per day to compensate for not exercising you'll still continue to lose over a pound a week.

Can I ask on what ground you have been barred from exercise, is it heart, lungs or joints? (ignore this if you'd rather not say)

beanielou

Keep plodding eric.

grannynise

More hugs to you Eric. What about hugging SWMBO or is that too much exercise too? Is it worth getting advice from a different dr - or maybe the present one could refer you to a physio who can advise on some very limited exercise? At least you'd still feel as if you were in command of your body.

Victory - love to you. Nothing to add to the other folk's wise words.

victory

sary thank you from the heart;) he is back, will not speak so am writing him a letter to put through his door:D what sparked it, jealousy from his point of view for what his mates get and he gets nothing, he kept screaming at me 'are we poor?' are you saying I can have nothing? I get nothing, everyone has a moped, a season football ticket, a holiday abroad, excellent xmas and birthday presents and he gets nothing. He stood sobbing with gut wrenching tears of frustration over what he does not get and how hard done by he is and I wanted to crumble with pain but on the other hand I wanted to slap him for turning into such a self me me me !!!!:rotfl::rotfl:
He says he is a slave (he is asked to pick his brother up from school, he passes it on his way home so it is no hardship, I am at work) because he can't be bothered to give and help out he told me to give up my job and be a 'proper mother' to my youngest by picking him up or ask my boss for 10 mins off to go and pick him up, take him home and go back to work:D
Everytime I ask him to do something he says 'do it yourself' 'why do I have to do it' I am not a slave, you make me do this and that and why should I? fAMILIES do things for each other he says no, he is not doing it, I do nothing for him, ever, give him nothing so he is doing nothing, he refuses to pick his brother up, do anything to help so we are doing the same to show him we do loads for him always just can't help him financially, we will help him with his CV, school work, help, love and support, feed, nurture, care, listen but our bank account is very small and we can't provide his monetary needs.
From what my analytical brain tells me, 4 kids at school concoted a plan to get parents to purchase £255 season tickets for their local football team, various white lies of how they had already got them and he was the only one without one etc but one of his mates came round and let slip that he was asking his dad but had NOT bought it, I was asked to buy it 'as a xmas present' over a 10 month pay monthly plan, etc I said no, we have just had to fix the car....madness ensued:D

OH was made to intervene because usually he is at work and hears all this second hand but not this time, I let him deal with it and he ended up slamming shoes on the floor infront of son saying 'these I have had for 3 years' these I have had to make do with because..these I bought...etc showing him that not everyone can have new Nike trainers, a new phone, a new season ticket etc, save and reward yourself (don't forget he earns daily money from school sweets/coke sales and we have made that happen for him ,we travel from supermarket to another getting all the best deals for him,buying in bulk for a better deal and letting him pay us back later all so he can have luxury disposable income while he sits on his xbox and tells us what he would like to sell) THAT HAS ALL STOPPED, we do nothing for him so we are not.

We can't cave in, all his feeding, washing, ironing, shop buying, all stopped, other arrangements have been made for my youngest school pick ups so that he does not think he can win this one, I FEEL physically sick and have never felt so shaky in all my life but it has to be done, he has no respect for me, as bb says he talks to me like a worthless piece of dirt, how did I manage to raise him? He makes me question my parenting, I consider myself a good person and a very hands on great mum, you do the best and because of not being able to provide him with endless pots of money I am to him scum and not worth talking to.

victory

Forgot to mention all his peers are getting a car when they are 17, son says to me when I sorted out the windows (seals gone need replacing) 'don't have them done and all that money you save, put it towards my car because I am having one on my birthday,it is my youngest birthday in 2 weeks, eldest 'you buy him everything and I get nothing'.. he is getting off ebay £2.72 for xbox headphones and a second hand phone, pointed that out and he said 'you buy him things all the time and I get nothing' Would you like youngest phone, 'no, I wouldn't be seen dead with that, I have the oldest phone in my class , it is 3 years old':rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Fellpony_2

Victory, You are so doing the right thing, I hate to admit it but when I was about 14, 15 I did the same thing. I was a real nasty selfish horror, and I am very not proud. I know it seems harsh but you have got to keep up your "you really are going to find out what nothing is" stance. He will not appreciate it, but when he needs something he will know what it is to need, not want because everyone else has it.

Well done to your OH for standing up to him too.

Hope you're ok Eric, you will only quit if you give up.

Hope all is well with everyone else
x
x

beanielou

victory~ I know its not any consolation but have to say its much the same here.
I actually feel I have failed as a parent TBH.

PepPop

Oh Victory sending you major hugs. Don't you wish you could wind the clock back to when there was no mobile phones, designer clothes etc. or better still to when he was a cute little tot that wouldnt treat you like that. Stand by your guns - he'll only get worse if you give in to him and he'll always be like this. You're doing the right thing. We're always here for you - even if it is with virtual wine, coffee and cake.

Brighton_belle

thanks for the update Victory. As I mentioned this morning - my colleagues have been going through exactly the same for the last 18 months. Their boy was 'the only one not being bought a car for his 17th' as well and his mother really feels she has failed as a parent too: the way he speaks to them and acusations that they don't know what love is. And yet the have been great parents and done loads for their kids.

I think 16 is such a ghastly age to be (who here would volunteer to be that age again?). Hormones, peer pressure, trying to be a man but trapped in half man half boy body and mind and susceptable to the onslaught of consumerist hype and trying to be cool. Horrible.

I'm really glad your OH has witnessed this and is on board so you are not bearing this alone. A united fornt is the only way forward and I think you are doing the right things. But I so feel for you.
I feel for you too beanie. it must be horrible feeling you have failed as a parent:(.

Eric , sorry your news isn't any better.

De1amo - I agree, bmi can be very misleading.

Well done for the new pan Lois:T

victory

beanilou I presume at some stage of parenting every parent feels they have made mistakes, could have done better, maybe listened more or had more time or worked less and went out with them more, it happens, it helps to look at the whole wider picture, the sacrifices behind the scenes, the going without financially, food wise, clothes wise, holiday wise so they have the best, the best start in life, so the mistakes our parents made don't come anywhere near them, the protection, the unconditional love,, it is all there for them to appreciate it when they have their own kids, when they are in there 3rd decade or many 4th decade, when they can see the wider picture and put themselves in our shoes.....

I know I raised him well, he will undoubtedly lack of designer gear and mobile phones and season tickets argue that he is empoverished and a laughing stock at his school but if he could only see some of the parents 'buy their kids love' because they have not got the one thing I have given him.....my time to invest in his future for him to be the best he can be.

I gave him the letter, he never looked up.

It clearly states we love him, we are here for him, we don't wish this to happen but he has to give and take, give respect, help and be helpful, save and buy his luxuries as we do, when he sees reason we will do for him as he does for us.:D