ARGH!!! Husband with money and attitude!

confusedroast

74jax wrote: »

I 'think' op is meaning she and her husband bought it outright, as in 'paid for it in full' so they are not paying out monthly for it now. I think anyway...

CORRECT - the money I have been "Squirelling away" paid for it :T

shellsuit

74jax wrote: »

I 'think' op is meaning she and her husband bought it outright, as in 'paid for it in full' so they are not paying out monthly for it now. I think anyway...

My husband asked me to borrow the car, and I must point out that it is my car as I bought it, paid outright, out of my money.


That's how I read it.

shellsuit

confusedroast wrote: »

WOW you really have read this thread PROPERLY and THOROUGHLY haven't you? Because if you had REALLY read it you will see that all the savings I have been "Squirelling away" as you put it are going into the loft conversion, the holidays I have paid for are now "Our" holidays as I see that he pays the mortgage every month so I should treat us as a "family" to a holiday!, Whatever comes out is ours now - I only put that it was my car as it was something else that we were going to buy and then he said he didnt have the money for... thats all

Well if he didn't have the money for the car, why did you buy it? So you could throw it back in his face and say you paid for it?

So because you paid for it, it is your car? It's not his?

Same with the holidays?

Same with the loft conversion when that gets done?

Well see the roof over your head ~ he is paying for that, so I don't think you have any cause to say 'I' paid for this and 'I' paid for that.

It's seems you are controlling him and trying to control all the money that comes into the household.

aliasojo

I agree shell.

I think this is one of those 'not clear cut' situations. I think both parties ought to have a look at their own thoughts and behaviour because it seems to me they treat each other like warring flatmates rather than 2 halves of a partnership.

I kinda lost track a bit but have the OP and OH done a budget together yet so they can see in black and white what comes in and what goes out?

shellsuit

aliasojo wrote: »

I agree shell.

I think this is one of those 'not clear cut' situations. I think both parties ought to have a look at their own thoughts and behaviour because it seems to me they treat each other like warring flatmates rather than 2 halves of a partnership.

I kinda lost track a bit but have the OP and OH done a budget together yet so they can see in black and white what comes in and what goes out?

OP hasn't mentioned doing that ~ but that's the only way they are going to be able to sort out the finances.

I just don't think it's right to be arguing about money, especially when there is plenty of it floating about!


And OP, there's no point getting stroppy with posters on here ~ you posted about your situation and people are going to comment on it. the more you get arsy with people here, the more I assume your hubby gets a rough ride at home. After all, it's him you have the problem with, not us!

Act like adults, sit down and TALK and work out what you BOTH want.

catriona79

Just had a read of all the posts in this thread.

I would say one thing: you need couples therapy and possibly CR needs to explore some of teh issues from her childhood on her own with a therapist as well.

I understand that being put in a foster family as a child must have had a huge impact on you, CR. It would have shattered your trust in others and confidence in them. It seems that you now act like you can only depend on yourself and you will do anything to make your life secure yourself, without the help of others, as you probably realise that those who give you safety/security can also take it away.

I may be wrong, but this may be part of omnipotence issues, tey are usually assosiciated with having to bear too much responsibility too early on in life.

The way you act makes your husband feel ok about having a free hand with money. You are his safety net. But who is yours? So you feel even lonelier, but his increased irresponsibility only means you have to be even more cautious and responsible. Guess what that does to him? Yes, it gives him confidence that you will take care of everything!

The fact that he conceals from you that he has money t pay for holiday and only tells you he's broke when you have already fnancially committed to the holiday should be a HUGE wake up call. That way he breaks all your trust in him. How can you treat him seriously if he does a thing like that? I think that's the worst part of what he has done - it shows that he lives in La La Land financially. Where does he think the money will come from for teh holiday, if he hasn't got it but tells you he has?

How does that make you feel about your future together? How can you trust him? Can you live in a relationship - and be happy - when your needs are not being fulfilled? When your major need is that for safety and he keeps disappointing you? You really need to open your eyes to the reality of your marriage.

It seems that you skip over the comments of the posters who lead you onto this path. You really need to look at yourself and your own problems and needs and decide whether your partner can fulfill them. Don't ask impossible things of him and then feel sorry for yourself. Maybe he can't give you what you need?

First though, you will have to ask him and talk to him about it, realising his and your own weaknesses.

Good luck.

bugbabe1970

Sorry, but this is one crazy thread!
My head hurts!

74jax

confusedroast wrote: »

CORRECT - the money I have been "Squirelling away" paid for it :T

But that money was goin on the loft convertion?????

The fact that he conceals from you that he has money t pay for holiday and only tells you he's broke when you have already fnancially committed to the holiday should be a HUGE wake up call. That way he breaks all your trust in him. How can you treat him seriously if he does a thing like that? I think that's the worst part of what he has done - it shows that he lives in La La Land financially. Where does he think the money will come from for teh holiday, if he hasn't got it but tells you he has?

How does that make you feel about your future together? How can you trust him? Can you live in a relationship - and be happy - when your needs are not being fulfilled? When your major need is that for safety and he keeps disappointing you? You really need to open your eyes to the reality of your marriage.

It seems that you skip over the comments of the posters who lead you onto this path. You really need to look at yourself and your own problems and needs and decide whether your partner can fulfill them. Don't ask impossible things of him and then feel sorry for yourself. Maybe he can't give you what you need?

Some brilliant observations here.

paddy's_mum

If ever a marriage was in desperate need of professional counselling, it must be this one!

ChrisCobra

For some reason when i read this thread i think of the crazy cat throwing woman in the simpsons.