How much should I "pay" my ex to have HIS kids

Dazzieboo

I wasn't being critical, just pointing out the finer details, to explain to those who didn't understand, that I was not demanding this large amount, it is what he offered.

If the house was to be sold now, both of us would come out with not much, if the mortgage is allowed to run it's course, I get a house, he keeps his which I won't claim on and we both get some money from the endowement, so it is both of our interests to keep the house.

As for your final paragraph, he could see the kids on a weekly, daily, monthly basis if I had my way. It is not my fault he went off with a 60yr old who can't stand children. I made the offer of the money, so he could take the kids out and get out of her way.

Lady_S

I apologise, as the last paragraph wasn't aimed at you in particular, just that it seems to be the general emphasis on the board. At the end of the day he could have had a financial order set up so you couldn't claim on his new house anyway, and he still could have taken something out of the future equity of the house you are in now.

It is all swings and roundabouts, thats for sure.

angelatgraceland

Dazzie-you both seem to have taken a lot of care over everybodys futures-regarding the mortgage-properties etc.This blip will resolve itself I think. You have both done well in all of the circumstances and you are obviously cery caring. well done.

Jet

As a single parent who receives NO maintenance and has a mortgage and all other bills to pay, I am well aware that there is some financial benefit to me, when my ex has our son staying with him.

Perhaps because my finances are so tight, I notice when I don't have a mouth to feed for a few days, whereas others who can afford holidays abroad without children, may not notice that.

Personally, I don't see why any non resident parent should have to pay money to a parent with care, if they are not caring for the children.

I'd give him the maintenance he gives for a week. you will still get child benefit and tax credits.

Oh and before anyone mentions the fact that the OP needs to buy school uniforms etc. for kids, no child needs school uniform bought every week and child benefit and tax credits are still being paid regardless.

I don't think he is trying to "make money" from the children as the OP suggested but he may be trying to prove a point in that he does significantly increase your income each month.

moggins

I just find it amazing that some parents do not make the effort to raise their children together regardless of what the living circumstances are (and I am not lumping the OP in with this)

My XDH pays £45 per week towards our son, he also contributes half towards any trips, buys his shoes (which is now getting expensive as he takes an adult size 12) and goes half with me on anything that I would find expensive. We discuss everything about him, go to school meetings together and make sure that we back each other up on everything.

When we first broke up we hated the sight of each other for the first year but because we were so determined we would never let our son suffer we now have a better relationship than when we were married, he even helps out with the gardening (DH gets dreadful hayfever) and he and his fiancee come round for barbecues) He even paid half towards my daughters 18th birthday party and she isn't even his child. He would never see us go without anything and if they have a day out he usually brings back a present for my 5 year old DD.

His fiancee is a brilliant step-mum to my son and she is so approachable, I can't understand women who refuse to accept a man's children.

skylight

moggins wrote:

His fiancee is a brilliant step-mum to my son and she is so approachable, I can't understand women who refuse to accept a man's children.

Completely agree.

I met my OH when I was 17 - and he came as a package deal.

I insisted that I meet his daughter within the first week (not neccessarily to get to know each other), but I/We had to be sure that we at least hit it off. If we hated each other then the relationship could go no further with OH and I.

In fact, over the years, when the going has got tough (bl**dy tough sometimes), its always been me pushing him through courts etc.