How much should I "pay" my ex to have HIS kids

Motherof1

The kids are his own flesh and blood....I think it's very low of him to ask his ex wife for any money. At the end of it all she is the mother and father...and has to do these two important jobs and to raise the kids on her own while he shows no interest in them. Lets hope he regrets it one day and gets his head out of the sand. Its very stupid and selfish of him. Money doesnt seem to be an object....in this case

ben500

Why is it ok for the mother to demand/request/expect money from the father for the upkeep of the children? yet when a similar request is made of the mother there is such and upcry. get real they are her children as much as his and if SHE expects HIM to support her when they are in her custody then she should be willing to make a similar contribution when they are in his.

angelatgraceland

hobo28 wrote:

I'd tell him to FRO.

Men like him make the rest of look like idiots. We're not all like that.

I'd say the same! I wouldn't give him a penny. What a disgraceful request. If he was short of money, fair enough.Any chance of sending them on an activity holiday or something instead?

ben500

Turning_into_scrooge wrote:

These days this seems to be how it works. A friend of mine had to give her ex husband so much money for having the kids and he hd to give her so much money for them living with her. All this ws done through the CSA. Must admit i find it very confusing and am really releived i'm not still in that position as its hrd enough being a single parent without having to worry bout this side of things on top of everything else. I would gie him 1/4 of what he pays as that is all really he is entitled to, 1 week out of 4.

I see where your coming from but if you only give him one quarter then that is merely refunding the money he is paying you and he is still out of pocket to the tune of one quarter as he has the children but no expenses to meet their needs. Why is it always the father that is heartless to expect renumeration for raising a child but not the mother? Too many mothers these days see their children as a source of income.

angelatgraceland

If it was the other way around I'd say the same. For just one week-the "missing" parent who rarely sees their children should be grateful for the opportunity-not haggling over it. Childhood is priceless-unfortunately, whatever arrangements are finaly made, the children will become "aware" of this situation and will suffer emotionaly because of it. If this was a regular thing-many weeks a year it would be different-but just for one week-its pathetic.

liney

He wants £500 out of the £760 he pays for one months maintinence, when one week actually equates to £175 without taking off the things which must still be paid like rent/mort and councill tax.

Who is using who as a source of income exactly?

The extra money he might shell out that week may go somewhere towards offsetting the money he would be spending if he could be bothered to visit them on a regular basis.

mishkanorman

Ben500 does have a really good point though, just because we all/most of us think its a bit morally wrong, to make things fair and equal he should get some money, whether he needs it or not.
I still dont agree that much more than £150-£200 is necessary though and if it was me I would just make alternative arrangements rather than keep an argument going.

mishka

BrokeBrunette

I think some people are missing the point about the money side of it.

The OP has stated that her ex NEVER has the kids and yes he gives her a sum of money each month to pay the mortgage etc, but he is legally bound to give her 20% of his net income (CSA - 2children) Both he and his solicitor admit the sum he is giving is a fair equation to this %. He is not paying any extra than he has to by law.

As stated many times on this thread, this amount does NOT just cover food and her ex will not be buying clothes or paying for anything for the children for the week, other than food and the slight additional cost of a weeks electricity - should they turn the tv on, showers etc. They are at school most of the week she is away. How therefore can he justify the sum of money he is asking for. He is making a profit from looking after his own children, which cannot be right. According to the OP he wants £500 for the week, yet is still asking her to give the kids their dinner money. I am so disgusted, I can't understand how anyone can defend something like this.

There are lots of dads who look after their children regularly i.e overnight on a regular basis and therefore the sum they give to the mother is lowered accordingly (as it should be). That is not the case here!

seven-day-weekend

Don't want to be contentious here, and I think the childrens' father is being a right so-and-so; but if they are living with him for a week, his ex-wife doesn't need so much money, does she?

I appreciate the mortgage, bills, council tax etc still has to be paid, but maybe she should refund him £50.

It's not a payment for looking after the children, it's a refund because she does not need quite so much money that month.

Hope this hasn't offended anyone.

BrokeBrunette

seven-day-weekend wrote:

Don't want to be contentious here, and I think the childrens' father is being a right so-and-so; but if they are living with him for a week, his ex-wife doesn't need so much money, does she?

I appreciate the mortgage, bills, council tax etc still has to be paid, but maybe she should refund him £50.

It's not a payment for looking after the children, it's a refund because she does not need quite so much money that month.

Hope this hasn't offended anyone.

I'm sure it hasn't offended anyone, we are all entitled to have our opinions, hence forums such as this and discussion is always a good thing, however the OP has stated in her original post that she was going to give him the £110 child benefit. I think this is more than fair. He wants £500, which is a totally different matter.