How much should I "pay" my ex to have HIS kids

Dazzieboo

My Husband left in May 2005 and we are now legally separated with an amical financial arangement. The mortgage and essential household bills come to £760 per month, he pays this, according to both my solicitor and his the CSA payment would also be along these lines, so we both know it is fair.

Despite him having 2 properties with his new partner and only living 25 miles away, he hardly ever sees the children ( 8 & 10), he comes to see the village Dr but will not go an extra .75 mile to the house, he has had them to stay 4times in a year.

I am off to Greece with a friend in September for a well earned break and he will be having the kids for the whole week, 4 of the days they will be back at school. Last year, he refused to have them the whole time and my Parents had them while they were at school.

I was actually quite pleased he was going to do this and felt it would give them some quality time together, but now he has asked for all my monthly tax credit award, to cover the extra costs of having the children and his petrol costs in getting them to school. :mad: I was going to offer the child benefit of £110, but he wants £500 now I see through him and he didn't offer to have the kids as he loves them, he see's them as money makers. :eek:

Am I being unreasonable just offering him £100 ?, he has no intention of taking them away himself and is not one fortaking them somewhere nice, they will probably spend most of the time playing in his back garden. As for needing extra petrol to take them to school, he will be going an extra 10 miles per day out of his way.

Before I get totally out of my pram !! I thought I would ask other people for their opinions :beer:

wigginsmum

I'd say work out from your own income how much a weekly amount would be coming to you for the kids and give him that. He's certainly not entitled to a full month of anything if he's only having them for a week.

babysaver

Why not offer him £175.38? If he pays £760 per month, £175.38 works out at one week's money so it means he's not paying anything the week he's watching his own kids...

BrokeBrunette

I think he should be totally ashamed of himself!!!

It's disgusting for him to ask you for £500 to look after his own children for a week, particularly as it seems he isn't short of money (has 2 properties). It doesn't sound like he can be bothered to have them.

Words fail me to be honest. I really don't know what else I can say.

I've just edited this to add one thing; why should you divide your monthly money from him and give him one weeks worth. You still have to pay your mortgage and standing charges on bills etc while you are away, otherwise your children wouldn't have a home to come back to! £100 is more than fair

elisebutt65

Ask your parents if they'll have them again and put it to him that you can't afford his demands. Then you'll see if he really does want them, or just the money.

Personally I think 1 weeks worth of your tax credits and C/b is enough but when my sons go their dad for a fortnight during the holidays, he never asks for money and continues to pay (non-csa) maintenance quite happily. They usually come back with loads of new gear as well.

hobo28

I'd tell him to FRO.

Men like him make the rest of look like idiots. We're not all like that.

hollydays

This is quite painful to hear,it must be very hard for you.Break-ups do tend to get bitter.Rise above it and focus on loving your kids even more.whether you pay him or not.Is this just the sort of thing kids dont need at this difficult time in their lives.

Dazzieboo

His new partner manages a retirement home and gets a 2 bed flat with the job, this flat is 25 miles away, they live there Mon - Fri, they have bought a bungalow together for the weekends and holidays, this is 36 miles from us.

The bungalow was purchased in Jan this year and the kids were promised fortnightly stays, of course this never happened. He makes all the excuses he can not to have them, but it always stems down to her. She is 59 this year and she finds the kids hard work, but, as I have always pointed out, they are HIS children and not hers, she knew that when she prised him away from the family home (that is very polite for me !!!) and told him he could see them whenever he wanted, now of course he is under the thumb he lets her have her own way every time.

I think the idea of a quarter of the tax credits is a way of meeting him in the middle. My Daughter is aghast at the idea he wants money and has told me she will keep a spending diary and let me know what he spent on them !!!

BrokeBrunette

Dazzieboo wrote:

My Daughter is aghast at the idea he wants money

sounds like your daughter has her head screwed on, which is more than can be said for her father! He is going to lose something very precious if he doesn't spare time for his children. At least your kids have a loving, caring mum, despite the fact they have a stupid, selfish father.

calleyw

Personally I would pay him nothing. Yes he is paying for the mortgage etc. But he is having his kids for one a week in a entire year. This equates to having them over for 3 and half weekends. Would he ask for money then

When we took my stepkids on holiday it cost us extra because we had to have 3 bedroom property and extra food but I never thought to said to my husband we better stop the CSA payments or you better ask your ex for some money to cover the costs. We accepted the extra costs and made no issue out of them.

If he was having them half the week every week then that would be different. But once a year I am rather gob smacked by that.

That is a bit like me saying I am not pay my mortgage for two weeks next month because I am holiday.

I mean a bit of extra food for a week is hardly going to cost more than what £25 maybe £50 at a push and that is pushing it.

Yours


Calley

mishkanorman

What an !!!!!!, at least you can be clear on why he is an 'ex'

Personally, if he is after expenses, give him a new notepad and tell him to give the kids what they want, note down how much extra mileage he does and how many times they watch TV/ have a bath. If he wants expenses let him 'claim them' providing receipts and evidence like most people do.

Good luck with this, the bloke sounds like a right tit and im sorry you have to hear that from strangers about someone I guess you loved once. Rant over


mishka