How much should I "pay" my ex to have HIS kids

Dazzieboo

Prudent wrote:

I had to say to my daughter that I could not afford school trips too - you feel bad doing it. I found this an especially ironic aspect of my situation as her dad a headteacher.

I know, it is hard I almost said that to mine, but my Parents said they would pay.

I won't let them, but they will pay for her spending money.

She gets picked on because her Dad left, I won't have her picked on because we can't afford the annual trip.

calleyw

hankc35 wrote:

at £800 a month I think the father is doing that.

You are missing the point he has no contact with his children and never looks after them.

If you are anything of a father you will want to spend time with your children. So you are saying even though my husband takes his children out for days and buys lunch and takes them out to places that cost money. He should be putting in a claim for money for his ex Even though they go home each night.

My husband would have bitten his left arm off to be able to have looked after his children after school and at weekends if it was practical. But it was not. He is their father and not a childminder. It is done for love and not money. I know you could say that about the mothers but they have day to day to care so it is slightly different.

Sorry but looking after your children one week a year when you are not having to buy anything extra apart from some food and maybe one/two extra loads of washing and to ask for money is disgusting.

So you are saying if your children came to to stay for one between college or moving house you would charge for them to stay.

I am rather flabbered by some replies on this whole thread.

Asking for money would have never entered my head. Personally if I read that e-mail I would say to my mother that I don't want to stay with my so called father as he money grab git.

Yours


Calley

Ems*Honie

hankc35 wrote:

lol thats cheap, in order to be able to manage my life my daughter went 9-3 to a private school from 2yrs, the Kilt nearly cost £200 !

Whilst keeping way out of the single parent debate (never done it and if I did I would be a shambles at it, totally disorganised) Wouldn't nursery be cheaper, my little ones went to a private nursery school with uniform, and it cost no where near that much, if it had I would have changed schools. No offense meant by the way, it just caught my eye on the cost and made me curious.

Kimberley

Dazzieboo wrote:

She read the e-mail :rolleyes:

Thats between you and him, the children do not have to know anything do they Kids should be kept out of it. She shouldn't have been able to read it, still it's done now :rolleyes:

My kids dad pays maintenance and is taking them on holiday for the week in August, he tried to say that he doesn't need to pay the maintenance for that week as he has them, but i stood my ground and said maintenance is paid for their upkeep, if you take them on holiday then that is a treat from you to them. he couldn't say nowt as his GF agreed with me

Your kids dad should be pleased he has a week to spend with them, he shouldn't even ask for money, the money he pays out now keeps a roof over their heads and them in clothes etc.

Good fathers wouldn't grumble

hankc35

Ems*Honie wrote:

Whilst keeping way out of the single parent debate (never done it and if I did I would be a shambles at it, totally disorganised) Wouldn't nursery be cheaper, my little ones went to a private nursery school with uniform, and it cost no where near that much, if it had I would have changed schools. No offense meant by the way, it just caught my eye on the cost and made me curious.

I did visit some Nurseries they seemed to be staffed my min wage teenagers, the chain Nurseries were like battery farms and the private nurseries were in small converted houses, then I visited the pre-prep part of the school and it was like another world, an 18th century converted manor house with extenive grounds, tree lined driveway. The downside was the uniform had to be purchased from John lewis and the Kilt ordered specialy. I never regreted the decision, at 7 yrs old she can practically speak french and is about 2 years ahead of her friends academically, there is only 8 in her class.

Ems*Honie

hankc35 wrote:

I did visit some Nurseries they seemed to be staffed my min wage teenagers, the chain Nurseries were like battery farms and the private nurseries were in small converted houses, then I visited the pre-prep part of the school and it was like another world, an 18th century converted manor house with extenive grounds, tree lined driveway. The downside was the uniform had to be purchased from John lewis and the Kilt ordered specialy. I never regreted the decision, at 7 yrs old she can practically speak french and is about 2 years ahead of her friends academically, there is only 8 in her class.

So it was a choice then, not in order to run your life I have to say I know where your coming from though, if I could afford somewhere like that for my children then I would send them, as it is we are moving to a new house to make use of a far better school and their after hours french club

iwanttosave_2

Dazzieboo wrote:

Am I being unreasonable just offering him £100 ?,

Well thats £100 more than I would be giving him, at the end of the day he is their father.

My dad used to pay CSA to my mum for me, and he used to have me every weekend, he would do the 30 mile round trip on a bus to see me, and then drive it when he had a car. He used to take me on nice holidays, to America for 3 weeks, France ect, days out on the spur of the moment, and not once did he ask my mum for any money. He should see it as a gift that he gets to see his kids for a week, not many dads get this luxuary.

Scarlett1

debsue wrote:

I dont often post but your post has made my blood boil, he doesnt deserve to be their father. The money you get not only feeds them but puts clothes on their back and shoes on their feet, pays for school expenditure etc. If they were my children I would make other arrangemts and tell him to go forth.

I couldnt have written that better myself :T

Turning_into_scrooge

BrokeBrunette wrote:

I think he should be totally ashamed of himself!!!

It's disgusting for him to ask you for £500 to look after his own children for a week, particularly as it seems he isn't short of money (has 2 properties). It doesn't sound like he can be bothered to have them.

Words fail me to be honest. I really don't know what else I can say.

I've just edited this to add one thing; why should you divide your monthly money from him and give him one weeks worth. You still have to pay your mortgage and standing charges on bills etc while you are away, otherwise your children wouldn't have a home to come back to! £100 is more than fair

These days this seems to be how it works. A friend of mine had to give her ex husband so much money for having the kids and he hd to give her so much money for them living with her. All this ws done through the CSA. Must admit i find it very confusing and am really releived i'm not still in that position as its hrd enough being a single parent without having to worry bout this side of things on top of everything else. I would gie him 1/4 of what he pays as that is all really he is entitled to, 1 week out of 4.

liney

I think i would rather cancell my holiday than pay my sons dad to take care of him for a week.