How much should I "pay" my ex to have HIS kids

Lady_S

One of the most awful things in this thread is the amount of people saying that the father should be 'grateful' for seeing his kids for a week.

They are his children and he has a right to see them, he shouldn't have to be grateful.

elona

He should not be making a profit out of them either!

seven-day-weekend

BrokeBrunette wrote:

I'm sure it hasn't offended anyone, we are all entitled to have our opinions, hence forums such as this and discussion is always a good thing, however the OP has stated in her original post that she was going to give him the £110 child benefit. I think this is more than fair. He wants £500, which is a totally different matter.

Yes, I think the child benefit as a refund is fair.

seven-day-weekend

Lady_S wrote:

One of the most awful things in this thread is the amount of people saying that the father should be 'grateful' for seeing his kids for a week.

They are his children and he has a right to see them, he shouldn't have to be grateful.

Agree absolutely.

methekidsandthecat

Hi

a refund of the child benefit may indeed be fair but surely that would equal about £25.00 the amount sown is for a month's Child Benefit. I though he was having the children for a week.....

BrokeBrunette

methekidsandthecat wrote:

Hi

a refund of the child benefit may indeed be fair but surely that would equal about £25.00 the amount sown is for a month's Child Benefit. I though he was having the children for a week.....

He is! but the OP seems happy with that amount. Personally I don't think she should have to give any, but it's what the OP and her ex are happy with that counts, so £100 seems more than fair to me. It's not as though he has them on a regular basis and his costs have mounted up over a period of time. We are only talking of 7 days in an entire year!

At the end of the day they have to reach an amicable agreement and I don't think this is a subject that will ever have 100% agreement about one amount or another that is fair. She thinks £100 is fair and he wants £500. I still can't believe anyone in their right mind would ask for that sum of money to care for their own children for one week :mad:

ben500

elona wrote:

He should not be making a profit out of them either!

But of course it's ok for the mother to expect living expenses to be met by the father! It's just fathers that shouldn't expect money to raise children is it?

comping_cat

ben500 wrote:

Why is it always the father that is heartless to expect renumeration for raising a child but not the mother? Too many mothers these days see their children as a source of income.

Im a bit insulted by that comment, my ex left us for another woman, and fool that i was at the time, tried to get him to stay, not just for my sake, but the children as well. He went (i am so glad now, feel embarrassed that i asked him to stay now!!!) he does pay CSA, but its nowhere near half the costs it takes to bring up our 2 children. The CSA take into consideration the time the children spend with him (it should be more, but like OP, not enough) and i am paid accordingly. My children are not a source of income, and with the majority of mothers, that is the case. You will always get an exception but it is very obvious that the OP isnt one of those!!!! As the CSA do take into consideration time spent with the absent parent, he has a cheek to ask for any payment!!!!
By the way, i also feel as strongly about the mother who walks out of the family home, i personally know 2 single fathers who do a very good job with their children, and like me, do not profit from having the children!!!!!

calleyw

ben500 wrote:

But of course it's ok for the mother to expect living expenses to be met by the father! It's just fathers that shouldn't expect money to raise children is it?

Ben,

I think that is a little harsh. And just not comparable one week versus fifty one weeks of the year.

The parent with care (Be it mother or father) have day to day care so have extra expenses. As they have care most of the time. If you go via the CSA and as a NRP if your children more than 52 night a year you get a reduction. Seeing as he does not see his children at all. He would not get a reduction from what he pays if he was going via CSA. So hardly think it is fair to ask for money now.

As I said before when we took my stepchildren on holiday for the week. I still had certain bills to pay like the mortage, council tax etc. Even after paying for rental of the cottage and days out I did not even think to ask for money back. Why should we have

Nope because we only had them for 6 nights out of the year. Note I say nights my husband had day time access due to circumstances I will not bore you will at the moment.

What about the CSA mothers who are NRP. Again another story totally.


Yours


Calley

BrokeBrunette

ben500 wrote:

But of course it's ok for the mother to expect living expenses to be met by the father! It's just fathers that shouldn't expect money to raise children is it?

Ben, of course single-parent fathers should have money to raise their children in exactly the same way as a single-parent mother, but that's not the issue here is it? He is not 'raising his children', he is caring for them for 7 nights out of 365, hardly the same thing.

I actually feel sorry for the kids because their dad will know nothing about their likes and dislikes etc because he doesn't bother having any contact with them on a regular basis.