How much should I "pay" my ex to have HIS kids

Dazzieboo

hankc35 wrote:

I think its disgusting that you want X amount of money from him, yet when the situation is reversed you want to offer a token payment of £100, what was the extra that he would pay for that week going on? holiday cocktails?

Many thanks to those who have replied to this statement. I would also like to add, at no time have I ever asked for the monthly amount, this was the figure HE worked out and asked if it was acceptable, my solicitor agreed it was just about spot on.

I am worn out and in order to continue to give my kids 100%, I need a break.

My Daughter is 11 next year and goes on the annual school trip, which costs £180, if she doesn't go because I can't afford it, she will be the only child in her class who does not go, so I am paying a monthly amount, her Father asked if she had to go by law, the answer being no, she doesn't HAVE to go, his answer, he won't contribute. Unless you have children at school, you have no idea the amount of money which is needed to bring them up.

Spendless

I think I'd be tempted to do a spreadsheet and work out exactly what one weeks worth of child benefit, tax credit and maintainance comes to and put that down then in the outgoings column deduct one weeks mortgage, work out one weeks gas, electric and every other bill you have to have cos of the kids and enclose a cheque for the difference if there is any;) .

A couple of years ago I had my friends kids to and from school to help her out but couldn't have them all the time as they attend a different school to mine. Their Dad had them at other times and then charged my friend for having the kids for whilst she was unavailable -she was in hospital at the time :eek:

nenya

Sorry Hank, but do you actually have a clear conception of how much it actually costs to look after children, run a household etc etc. Me and my OH don't have kids at the moment, yet for us to survive (thats us spending the bare min) it cost £800 a month. Yes, that's for TWO of us.

So to run a larger household with kids will be a massive amount of money and it does not get any cheaper until the kids move out.

My mother was a single mother for a long time after our father left us, and she got into massive debt because all he would pay her for looking after us was £5.00 each per week - not even enough to cover the cost of weekly school dinner (which thankfully my mum decided not to inflict on us).

So Hank, I think you need to get some perspective, because £800.00 a month only works out at £200.00 a week, and in the grand scale of things that isn't much.

OP - I think you should tell your ex to run up a list of how much he spends and get him to provide recepits and then pay the money back - that way you won't be shelling out any extra money. Of course, if it were me - i'd tell him to sod right off.

Dazzieboo

£800 ?? where did that come from ?, he pays £760 for 10 months of the year and in the 2 months where there is no council tax, I get £700.

He has a legal obligation to house me and the children until they are 18, he also has a legal obligation to maintain the family in the way we were used to.

What I just hope, is he maintains this high standard he set before he left while the kids are at his house for a week, probably not as he has already asked if I will leave the kids dinner money.

BrokeBrunette

hankc35 wrote:

at £800 a month I think the father is doing that.

and if he had to pay a childminder for the 365 days a year that the Op looks after THEIR children, how much would that cost him!!!!

hankc35

nenya wrote:

Sorry Hank, but do you actually have a clear conception of how much it actually costs to look after children, run a household etc etc. Me and my OH don't have kids at the moment, yet for us to survive (thats us spending the bare min) it cost £800 a month. Yes, that's for TWO of us.

So to run a larger household with kids will be a massive amount of money and it does not get any cheaper until the kids move out.

My mother was a single mother for a long time after our father left us, and she got into massive debt because all he would pay her for looking after us was £5.00 each per week - not even enough to cover the cost of weekly school dinner (which thankfully my mum decided not to inflict on us).

So Hank, I think you need to get some perspective, because £800.00 a month only works out at £200.00 a week, and in the grand scale of things that isn't much.

OP - I think you should tell your ex to run up a list of how much he spends and get him to provide recepits and then pay the money back - that way you won't be shelling out any extra money. Of course, if it were me - i'd tell him to sod right off.

Its funny what people assume, I looked after my daughter from when she was 18mths old till 3 1/2 years old as a single parent, her mother refused to pay a penny towards her upkeep. When her mother got her life together and I said my daughter could live with her guess what the first think she asked for was? Yep ££££££££££££.

I just dont have any sympathy for "hard done by" single parents, its not that hard, been there and done it.

nenya

ooo, well done, congratulations, you managed to bring up a daughter for two years and then shake of any financal responcibitily once she went back to her mother. Really well done.

You are a poor excuse of a human being if thats what your daughters upbringing ment to you.

Personally i don't think you have a clear conception of cost despite your claim because if you did you would know that on average that the cost for say two school uniforms at secondary school ages is..... around £200 per child and that just clotheing them can be around 300.00 per shopping trip.

hankc35

nenya wrote:

ooo, well done, congratulations, you managed to bring up a daughter for two years and then shake of any financal responcibitily once she went back to her mother. Really well done.

You are a poor excuse of a human being if thats what your daughters upbringing ment to you.

Personally i don't think you have a clear conception of cost despite your claim because if you did you would know that on average that the cost for say two school uniforms at secondary school ages is..... around £200 per child and that just clotheing them can be around 300.00 per shopping trip.

Again, its funny what people assume, I pay £400 a month, so your wrong

hankc35

because if you did you would know that on average that the cost for say two school uniforms at secondary school ages is..... around £200 per child

lol thats cheap, in order to be able to manage my life my daughter went 9-3 to a private school from 2yrs, the Kilt nearly cost £200 !

Prudent

Dazzieboo wrote:

Many thanks to those who have replied to this statement. I would also like to add, at no time have I ever asked for the monthly amount, this was the figure HE worked out and asked if it was acceptable, my solicitor agreed it was just about spot on.

I am worn out and in order to continue to give my kids 100%, I need a break.

My Daughter is 11 next year and goes on the annual school trip, which costs £180, if she doesn't go because I can't afford it, she will be the only child in her class who does not go, so I am paying a monthly amount, her Father asked if she had to go by law, the answer being no, she doesn't HAVE to go, his answer, he won't contribute. Unless you have children at school, you have no idea the amount of money which is needed to bring them up.

I had to say to my daughter that I could not afford school trips too - you feel bad doing it. I found this an especially ironic aspect of my situation as her dad a headteacher.