Nnot sure if this is the right place to be

eatandspendaholic

Hiya Everyone. Ok no more tears ( well thats the plan) its just small steps forward from today ( well thats also a plan). Logged on to two more PM, both of abuse that has manifested in different ways. I hope ths does not come over wrong, I am so inspired by these stories. So many peoples past issues have mainifeasted in over eating spending and sex. I hope that by discussing my issues I can in turn be of some help to others.

Ok todays update

Spending
I was not planning on going out until tonight (pictures with 3 of my friends) (couldnt bare telling any of them my issues, Id be thinking they would discuss in between themselves) ? that could be a bit of paranoia (spell check not working lol), not up to taking the risk. My Mam arrived at 10am and was going out to our local shopping centre, as there was a new clothes shop opening to day (similar to primark, it used to be the old woolworths store). Before I new it the words were out of my mouth, OO fab, I'll come with you :eek: more clothes.
Well I did not buy anything ( due to the que at the till being the lengthof the shop),

Food
Buying
Not having a budget at the moment, I just made conciouse purchases :T.
Eating

Had breakfast and lunch and wasnt the slightest big hungry at either of them !!!!

No thoughts on this today, as was out with man (explanation further down).

This of course is just day 1 and I expect to have lots of ups and downs, but just taking one day at a time and deal with that day only.

richardvc, Thankyou for kinds words and i too thank everyone for being so supportive. The irony was that I ran a tight ship as a business but never thought about applying it to my own personal finances - how ludicrous ??!! Its is very strangethe things we do !!!, and do I do strange stuff !!! One other comment I am assuming from your name that you are a man ? what a lovely post from a man to a lady on such a delicate issue :beer: (aplogies if you not a man) but lovely all of the same.

iambrianblessed, I still needed that validation that I was still attractive to other men!

I can relate to this. I know I should not need to have this validation but I do and until i can sort it out, I need to keep the thought that I do not need it, upper most in my mind. It has been a year since i acted on the issue fully, but daily flirt at any oppurtunity. This can be anything from a smile or striking up a converstion with a total male stranger.

Well i think thats it for the moment !!!

Thankyou.

eatandspendaholic

Hiya all. Replied to all my PM, it was hard to put it all into words but good to get it out. I hope when i feel more confidant, i can make more public and in some way help anyone else.

Finances
This years council tax plpped on the mat today £895. I already pay £60 a onth off my arrears and that will take until 0ct 2011 to clear, so new council tax payment £150. I can afford to pay this "If I do not overspend and waste money"

I have applied to do some bank work on my days off. they have sent for my references to my present employer and my othe referee. So i am thinking they wont have gone that far if they not interested ? so just waiting now.

Ok got to go now, going to the imax to see alice in wonderland in 3d, having tea out first. Another £25 spent but arrangements made before i found this site.

Thankyou - check in later tonight.

bank_of_slate

Hi eatandspend, welcome to the site!
Maybe it would help to identify the 'void' that you're trying to fill with the food and things that you buy etc...

Ignore the PMs, if any are offensive please report them and block the user! We can tell you how if you're not sure.
...Linda xx

richardvc

eatandspendaholic wrote: »

richardvc, Thankyou for kinds words and i too thank everyone for being so supportive. The irony was that I ran a tight ship as a business but never thought about applying it to my own personal finances - how ludicrous ??!! Its is very strangethe things we do !!!, and do I do strange stuff !!! One other comment I am assuming from your name that you are a man ? what a lovely post from a man to a lady on such a delicate issue :beer: (aplogies if you not a man) but lovely all of the same.

Well I am not a woman called Richard !!:)

Well done E&S, by coming on here you will find that a problem shared really is a problem halved - I have discussed things that I wouldn't ever have talked to my friends about once upon a time.

Funny thing is, now I am far more forthcoming about my debts and open and honest with my friends about any financial matters.

It turns out that I was the first one to speak aloud about money problems and it seems the majority of my friends are/have been in debt or have other problems manifesting themselves as debt ie loneliness, boredom, job hatred, greed and trying to look good and I am the one they come to for advice !! What a turn around, from the man who is in debt to the financial guru (so they christened me !!)!!! I get my answers from MSE and sound like a real expert !!:)

What I cannot get over is the British way that talking about money is vulgar yet we are all supposed to know how to manage it !! I couldn't and I am the son of an accountant !!!!!

eatandspendaholic

bank_of_slate, Thankyou there was only the one PM, all the others have been very supportive. I ask him to ask be publicly in my thread and I would reply, he hasnt.


richardvc, I agree talking to strangers, who's faces you cant see is easier and very theraputic :j, although it was not easy to type hard facts in some of my PM replies.

Its having the guts to be the first one to open up face to face with your issues to family and friends. Well done you on being your friends money guru, for all you get your info from here to make you look good :rotfl:that made me laugh. Yes us british on the whole are very straight laced and proud arnt we and what does it get us, pain stress and heartache !!!! I went to the pictures with my 3 friends last night (cost me £20, tea out includeded) I should have be able to say to them at various points of are different activities, No thanks I cant realy afforded it or I'll need bit of warning to budget etc but I feel that I will look silly and they will talk about me, not being able to afford it. I have thought over the past couplle of days, well if they do talk about me, are they the friends i want ? and going along with them is just as bad. Because spending with them (and on my own) is causing me stress as my bill money is short or I run out of money before my next payday !!!!!!! Yes Richard we are very stupid arnt we !!!! When you write it out it just stares you in the face.

Plans for today

Now today would usualy turn into a big spend day. As I have 5 hours of free time and our car to run around in. So it would be speedbank and the shops "usually". I am picking my brother up from is day centre ( he has special needs, he has downs syndrome) and we are going to buy "mothers day gifts" Luckly we are not a family that go too over board with gifts, so they wont be expensive.

Now what to I do in the 5 hrs the pull to spend will be strong !!!! I'll get back to you's before I go out at 10am with my "plan of action"

Thankyou :A

eatandspendaholic

Ok I have a plan. Mam has been asking me for a while, to sort out some problems on her computer, so I am going to go and get that sorted.

Thankyou

WendysWorld

Hope you managed not to spend! And had a nice time with your brother.
I bet if you just mentioned it to your friends that you've been feeling the pinch lately, they would sympathise. Most people are at the moment.
When my husband was made redundant a year ago a small part of me was relieved to have an excuse to plead poverty! Even when he did get a job, we had to be careful because he was on a much reduced wage.
My friends were great, we still meet up but do cheap things like a bottle of wine at someone's house - a takeaway at a push! And go for walks in the forest with the kids. All just as nice (well, almost!;)) as doing expensive things.

Wx

richardvc

E&S,

Just an idea - maybe it's the time to be totally honest with your friends - explain that life is a bit 'tough' financially and that £20 is a big deal. If they are your friends, they will be understanding, thoughtful and considerate.

We now host evenings at home and it really has been fun. Everyone brings a bottle and a bit of grub and we all muck in. We have had some good nights at a fraction of the cost of going out.

We even had a 'film' night - remember those ? When friends used to come round and watch a video !!!!

Everyone enjoys the evenings and likes the fact that it is loads cheaper than going out but that doesn't mean we don't go out any more - we are just more particular where we go.

Anyway, it's one step at a time E&S ! You sound like you are moving in the right direction now !

eatandspendaholic

Hiya Every one, well would you believe it ! dropped DH at work, worked on mams computer, went to pick up brother, got the the shopping centre and I had left my speedbank card in other bag !!!. Talk about meant to be. I had £12 in my purse, so no petrol, and I am working 2 12hr day shifts saa and sun, so DH will have to go get it and he wont overspend and he is doing the shopping tomorrow, me being at work. All I got was food shopping i needed and a card for mam for sunday. DH will pick up present tomorrow. What do you's think of this. Mams loves her garden and flowers. Local garden centre has lovely hyisthus, just half out, all colours, 3 bulbs in nice a pot for a £1 a pot, they are fab but i feel reeeeeeeeeeeeealy bad spending £3 on mams present (will get 3 pots different colours). She has everything else she could possibly want.

All in all had a good day, I have had 100s of good 1st 2nd 3rd and 4th days, its keeping them rolling thats a problem.

Richard what a fab idea. thinking about a girly night, painting toe nails, drinking wine and doing hair etc, all bring a snack (healthy one of course) oo im so excited to tell them. Thankyou very much for that idea. Then think about an idea for a mixed night at home.

I just lurrrrrrrv this site. It could quite possibly be my salvation ?

Thankyou x

Hope you all had a good day too

eatandspendaholic

BabyMother wrote: »

Hope you managed not to spend! And had a nice time with your brother.
I bet if you just mentioned it to your friends that you've been feeling the pinch lately, they would sympathise. Most people are at the moment.
When my husband was made redundant a year ago a small part of me was relieved to have an excuse to plead poverty! Even when he did get a job, we had to be careful because he was on a much reduced wage.
My friends were great, we still meet up but do cheap things like a bottle of wine at someone's house - a takeaway at a push! And go for walks in the forest with the kids. All just as nice (well, almost!;)) as doing expensive things.

Wx

BabyMother You made me think, I have realy lossed touch with life, walking and forests etc, never done it for years. Something else to add to my to do list, its growing daily.

I have been given suggestions of a few books to read, so i am going to check out a site called readitswapit, as i do like to read ( have lots of books) I would love to own a book shop. Or I'll check out Amozon.

Thankyou :A