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'Quality' Time?

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  • shellsuit
    shellsuit Posts: 24,749 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Combo Breaker
    I used to love spending time playing with the kids, but they are older now, so the only 'quality time' we have together really is either when me and DD have a girlie day out (shopping and lunch) or my son actually wants to talk to me and we have a normal civilised conversation lol

    That's teenagers and hormones for you!

    Thing is with me though, I hate mess, so anything crafty, or painting was done outside on a warm day! We did do cutting out and jigsaws and board games etc inside though!

    The baby is 10 months old now and it's great now he is wanting to play. We had fun at bathtime last night when we were banging plastic cups together (sounds stupid but it was fun honest lol!).

    I don't think quality time has to be actually 'doing something' either. Just spending time with them, ie eating together, chatting, or even watching TV curled up on the sofa together is quality time IMO.
    Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...
  • fernliebee
    fernliebee Posts: 1,803 Forumite
    I completely agree with Mr Cow about how you see some parents avoiding the quality time. What child want's to spend 5 hours at a shopping centre? however I think a bit of both going out and about, and staying in is healthy and just because you are out and about with your child doesn't mean you're not having quality time. Me and DD tend to go out in the mornings and either go to a sure start session or toddler time (where I spend the whole time playing with her, just means we get different toys, activities than home) or we will go to a friends house, but my friends and I think similiarly on kid's activities so we play with the girls whilst having a chat at the same time. Some morning's though we will have to run errands and so I try to make it as fun as poss (if it's raining we do puddle jumping while walking to shops etc, just little things) then she has a nap after lunch and I try and get boring stuff done, then afternoons we do something in the house, like sticking, cooking or just get some different toy's down from her room etc.

    This morning however DH is off work and he is playing downstairs with DD while I have a bath (or have a look on here while it runs :D)

    My pet hate is when people say "oh no it's the holidays I have to see my kid's all day." Well yeah, they are your kids? My mum used to love the holidays with us, and when I used to look after children the holidays were the best time as you had them the whole day rather than just a few hours, filled with boring homework/ dinner/ bed routine.
  • kegg_2
    kegg_2 Posts: 522 Forumite
    Too many parents think they have to occupy every spare second of their childs existance with so called quality time and quality activities.

    I think it is just a bit to much and you end up with a child who is unable to entertain themselves.

    Quality time cn be just spending 5 minutes at the end of the day laying on my 12 year olds bed with him whilst he prattles on about his last football game but then mine are older now and would be horrified if i wanted to play in the park with them.
  • seven-day-weekend
    seven-day-weekend Posts: 36,755 Forumite
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    edited 10 March 2010 at 11:28AM
    MERFE wrote: »
    My attention span for some of the games the kids play and want me to play with them is so tiny, its awful. I must try harder. My son likes trains and plays with them constantly and can often be heard saying 'come on mummy, come and see' I must comment 'oh yes its the longest train I've ever seen' before I'm allowed back to the housework I'd rather be doing. I can only watch my son jump silly on the trampoline for 5 mins. However I can do cooking with them every week, read to them daily, get the playdough out, sit and do colouring, get out the arts and crafts, go for long walks, bike rides etc So sometimes they have to play and entertain themselves and sometimes I do spend time with them. If its during activities we both enjoy it'll be more quality imo. Mine are 3 and 4 and so have just about reached the board game age so some evenings we just play hungry hippos, do jigsaws etc.

    Incidently when I take them to the beach I can not sit still so end up building them a boat in the sand, huge castles, go paddling etc I need to be kept busy as well as the kids so I think my son understands that I cannot sit and play trains for hours on end.

    I have friends who like to be out and about too rather than at home, I dont think its awful, people are just different. I like to get out and do stuff but most the time I'd much rather be at home. I love being at home, thats just who I am so it takes a nice summers day or an organised event to get me out.

    Oh! Just remembered! I liked walking and bike riding with him. I also used to like taking him to a nearby animal sanctuary, we both enjoyed that, I used to take his friend along too.

    I think it was things to do INSIDE the house that I disliked, even reading, because I wanted to read my own grown-up book, not his kiddie one. :( And I am not one for cooking or craft work, never have been and still not although I'm now 60. My husband did cooking and lego with him though.

    Oh and just to clear something up. I didn't spend five hours in a shopping centre! When I said we went out, I mean we visited friends who also had small children, went to mums and toddlers, went to a childrens' activity at church, went to the park and fed the ducks or go on the swings - you could do these activities with another person so I had some grown-up company....we didn't sit around in Macdonald's all day!
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,390 Forumite
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    SDW - I had very similar emotions. I find it hard to play pretend games with dolls with my daughter but she has had an imaginary game where she is 'mum' and the rest of us are her 'family' and I can talk and pretend that game for hours with her.

    Though my son was not so much into 'imaginary' games, I would always prefer to take him swimming or to a play group where he could paint a picture alongside other children.

    Some things come more about as they've got older I've found (mine are 10 and almost 7). I will play on the wii and play them at monopoly. Eldest was taught to play chess by his dad (I can't play) and within a few weeks was beating him.

    I've just had a local theatre group's brochure put thru my door and straight away I've thought whether my daughter would like to go see Peppa Pig on stage and if son would like Horrible science. That comes more naturally to me than sitting with a peppa pig playset or helping with a science experiment.

    I don't resonate with taking them for hours to shopping centres either. My kids hate shopping so I don't like taking them. ;):p

    Out of interest (and don't answer if you don't feel comfortable) did the way you feel contribute to you not going on to have another child?
  • mumslave
    mumslave Posts: 7,531 Forumite
    Quality tie in this house tends to be doing something i like to do with them. Seflish probably but its the only way I dont end up bored to tears and desperate to escape. I dont play dolls, or my little pony, or dolls houses. I like to read them books, do jig saw puzzles with them or their little work books. Educational things I suppose. With my 17 month old, its shape sorters, touch and feel books, nursery rythmes. I hate craft things, but i do put out the aqua draw for them and the playdough, though I rarely actually take part. Occasionally i will bake cakes and biscuits for them to decorate. On the whole though, I expect them to amuse themselves, with 4 under 5, life is constant washing, either dishes or clothes, cooking meals, ironing school clothes and all the other usual stuff that comes with having lots of young children.
    :starmod:Sealed Pot Challenge Member 1189:starmod:
  • Spendless wrote: »
    SDW - I had very similar emotions. I find it hard to play pretend games with dolls with my daughter but she has had an imaginary game where she is 'mum' and the rest of us are her 'family' and I can talk and pretend that game for hours with her.

    Though my son was not so much into 'imaginary' games, I would always prefer to take him swimming or to a play group where he could paint a picture alongside other children.

    Some things come more about as they've got older I've found (mine are 10 and almost 7). I will play on the wii and play them at monopoly. Eldest was taught to play chess by his dad (I can't play) and within a few weeks was beating him.

    I've just had a local theatre group's brochure put thru my door and straight away I've thought whether my daughter would like to go see Peppa Pig on stage and if son would like Horrible science. That comes more naturally to me than sitting with a peppa pig playset or helping with a science experiment.

    I don't resonate with taking them for hours to shopping centres either. My kids hate shopping so I don't like taking them. ;):p

    Out of interest (and don't answer if you don't feel comfortable) did the way you feel contribute to you not going on to have another child?

    Not really. There was a time when we wouldn't have minded if one had come along, but we did nothing in particular to make it happen (!) and then after a couple of years we decided that one was enough. Also I had a problem with the pregnancy for which I was in hospital for three months, and I would have to have treatment for it if I was pregnant again, that put me off somewhat. And for a year after the birth I suffered from PND.

    So no, this wasn't one of the deciding factors particularly.
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • I think people put a lot of pressue on parents to find and enjoy quality time with their children. As a stay at home mum, I'm in a lucky position to spend a lot of time with my 2 children. However, it's a balancing act and I've still got the house to run and cooking and cleaning etc. I find some of the most enjoyable time I have with my children is when we're doing household chores. They both love being mummy's little helpers and really enjoy washing up and playing with the bubbles. I've got a dishwasher so it's a luxury to spend some time together doing a basic chore. For me it's about spending time with your child and getting to know them, not the activity you do. My working friends think quality time is time at a ball pool with the children burning off energy. I disagree, as it's a time when mums get an hour for a chat and coffee and there's no bond with the children. I make dens, bake,have dollies tea parties and spend time colouring and sticking, but there are times when i'll put a dvd on too for a bit of peace. It's how you balance your life and make your children happy. It's not all about money and thinking back to my childhood memories it's the free activities that I loved the most. My favourite was an hour on the beach playing in the sand with mum helping me collect shells.
    Starting again and working towards our new df life!
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  • retro_bluebell
    retro_bluebell Posts: 1,276 Forumite
    edited 10 March 2010 at 12:57PM
    kegg wrote: »
    Too many parents think they have to occupy every spare second of their childs existance with so called quality time and quality activities.

    I think it is just a bit to much and you end up with a child who is unable to entertain themselves.

    Quality time cn be just spending 5 minutes at the end of the day laying on my 12 year olds bed with him whilst he prattles on about his last football game but then mine are older now and would be horrified if i wanted to play in the park with them.

    I totally agree with this as I used to be one of these parents (not for the reasons that Mrcow mentions) I used to have an activity planned for my 3 year old every afternoon (she goes to nursery in the mornings), and it all became too much I felt like I was rushing from nursery, home, lunch off to another group that i never really did have the chance to spend good quality time with her. I realised I was doing this because I thought thats what she needed, but she really needed more time with just me and her.

    Now we have 3 activities out of the house, the library singing and story group on Mondays, Tumble tots on Thursdays and ballet on Fridays, so we have Tuesdays and Wednesdays free to do whatever at home, we dont really do much on these days, she loves crafts and I dont mind the mess so every so often we get the craft box out and make a mess. Most of the time we are sat on the sofa reading.

    I used to dread these days but now I look forward to them.I must admit I dont really do much playing with her as shes into strange games like pretending shes a dog/cat/frog whatever animal favours that week...it would be easier if she just wanted to play shops lol. her dad is very good at that though and I found them under a stack of cushions off the sofa last night hiding in their makeshift "tent", hes a big kid though and this comes naturally for him. I dont think she misses out on this as I do other things with her and she gets attention frm both of us on different levels.


    I love the holidays too as I get to have all 3 all day without the restrictions of school runs etc.

    BTw shes eating lunch just now so I get the chance to surf on here lol
    **"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."**
  • Errata
    Errata Posts: 38,230 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I have no idea what "quality time" is, other than the phrase originated in America. Isn't it normal for mums to spend time with their children doing stuff with them according to the wants and needs of both ?
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
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