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'Quality' Time?

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  • notakid wrote: »
    seven day weekend I think you have mentioned your son is ASD? I will say that children on the spec tend to like repetitive behaviour. So maybe that's why you were alittle bored? Their is only so many times you can enjoy a book and hear the same responses, the same goes for games/actives. Sometimes I felt I was in the film Groundhog Day!

    My sister has a young 'un to entertain and as much as I love my niece, I don't want to be doing it all over again, the parks, swimming pool and the wacky warehouse are not missed! :o

    Yes, he has Aspergers' Syndrome although we didn't know until he ws an adult.

    Not sure that was anything to do with it tbh. I just don't like doing things with little kids!

    Luckily his dad is and always has been, a 'big kid'! :)
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
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  • Mrs_pbradley936
    Mrs_pbradley936 Posts: 14,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I just think that some of us like singing "The wheels on the bus go round and round....." once or twice and others are happy to be singing it "all day long" as the song says! Also our generation were made to feel bad if we were less than perfect mothers, anyone older just got on with it anyone younger is more than happy to use a nursery or child minder. I have two sons but a large age gap between them so for me having friends over was far easier than having to entertain them myself.
  • I just think that some of us like singing "The wheels on the bus go round and round....." once or twice and others are happy to be singing it "all day long" as the song says! Also our generation were made to feel bad if we were less than perfect mothers, anyone older just got on with it anyone younger is more than happy to use a nursery or child minder. I have two sons but a large age gap between them so for me having friends over was far easier than having to entertain them myself.


    Aaaargh! Ours was 'Incey Wincey Spider'!
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    "The wheels on the bus go round and round....." "all day long" .


    aAARGH!! Don't remind me! In the 70s, when pregnant with No 3 son, I was doing a college course and No 2 son (age 3) would come with me on the bus to college. We'd get on it, get settled, and then, in a very clear voice we would get "IT'S SINGIN' TIME ....COME ON MUMMY, COME ON EVRYONE .....the wheels on the bus........."

    As we caught the same bus every day, it was funny to see how many people would actually join in !! - or say - here comes the Singin' boy!
  • winnie81
    winnie81 Posts: 887 Forumite
    I am one of the mums that count quality time as one and one attention because we have 4 reasonable close in age it can be hard to find that time alone. We tend to bake/craft/paint most days (for them as they do love it but it can bore me to tears but I get a coffee in peace sat next to them lol ) so for us there Nan has either 2 oldest or 2 youngest on one/two Saturdays a month and we do something age specific with them for younger ones a trip to larger park out of our area/soft play/farm visit or older ones a cinema trip/shopping for something they want/bowling etc

    This Saturday the Nan has the 2/3yr olds (taking them swimming with Grampy) so we are taking the 7/8yr olds to Aquarium and IMAX for the day. This seems to work for us all as each child gets to do something they love with either nan/grampy or Hubby and I and we all get to look forward to something.

    I suppose quality time is whatever works best for you all as long as parents and children have a great hour/day doing something together that's all that matters,

    Claire x
    Wife to a great husband and mum to 4 fantastic kids 9,8,4,3 they drive me mad but I would do anything and give everything for my family :grinheart
  • SkintGypsy
    SkintGypsy Posts: 580 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    I don't like doing activities with my child. Her personality is such that she deliberately will do anything to avoid following instruction or guidance, and is contrary to the end. She is the love of my life, and I enjoy her company and doing many other sorts of things with her, but baking, crafting and painting are painful activities that I try to avoid at all costs. I dislike puzzles immensely because she doesn't even try to find the right pieces and I end up doing them on my own, even though at four she should be more than capable of a simple floor puzzle.

    What I do enjoy, that I consider to be 'quality time' is dawdling to and from nursery while she skips along chattering about whatever madness is in her mind. I love to know what's important to her, and how she feels every day.

    I didn't have very long on maternity leave, then went back to work full time, so maybe that is why I am maybe not used to doing those things that fill the day. If I do go back to work after new baby is born, I am planning to work part time so that I can walk her to school and home again. I want to know who her friends are, have them over to tea, help her with homework and find out about her day.
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  • jennihen
    jennihen Posts: 6,500 Forumite
    I used to feel bad all the time when my kids were younger - there was never enough time as I was working and with Lupus I'd get tired and achey. I don't like being touched much either! But I tried to do things with each of them and stuff as a family.
    I used to feel quite guilty as i quite enjoyed the two weeks of the year when they went to their Dad's. I missed them but not having to answer questions from the minute I woke up til the sun went down was bliss!!
    They are older now and luckily I have good relationships with each of them. They are all 3 years apart so we don't do much as a family - when we do its really special even if its just sitting down to a meal together.
    I remember turning household jobs into games and races - the girls always loved playing dinner ladies - handy really - they' lay the table and clear up after a meal!! When my sister and I were little we used to play libraries all the time - sounds really dull but we loved it!!
    I think children have to learn to entertain themselves without electronic gadgets and adult intervention to some extent.
    One life.
  • geekgirl
    geekgirl Posts: 998 Forumite
    I watched 'octomum' on 4OD yesterday. Quality time doesn't even enter into it!!
  • tandraig
    tandraig Posts: 2,260 Forumite
    I dont like the term 'quality time' either, but as my kids are now all grown up with their own families........what i would term as quality time was
    the fun days we had at the beach or at our caravan
    story time and bath time before bed
    the silly times with the pets when we would all be helpless laughing
    christmas eve - when my bro in law would phone them and pretend to be an irish santa (we are welsh and the irish accent was to disguise his voice)
    christmas morning
    sunday lunch
    someof my more disastrous experiments in cooking for supper - and the kids inventive methods of disposing of it! dog and cat featured here.
    sounds strange but the times my kids were ill and i had to stay up all night with them just cuddling them or getting drinks.
    doing painting projects or craft projects or making meals with them
    my point? i dont think you can force quality time - it just happens. when you are happy to be with them and they with you. when they need you. when you realise that they are the most important things in the world to you..... then later you can look back and say - yes they were quality times or as i prefer to think 'golden times'.
    if you force quality time and then resent it - kids arent stupid, they pick up on it. its not going to make golden times is it? far better to let life happen and enjoy having your children without trying too hard.
  • Errata
    Errata Posts: 38,230 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Tandraig - I think what you've written is a pretty good description of a normal family life.
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
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