'Quality' Time?

seven-day-weekend

You read a lot on this forum about parents spending 'quality' time with the children, such as spending time with them drawing, reading, baking, bathing and bedtime. I totally agree that all these things are important.

But....does anyone else other than me NOT find it 'quality'? My son is grown up now, but tbh I hated doing these things and felt it was like watching paint dry. I DID do (some of) them, but it was out of duty and not out of enjoyment.

I can remember my friend playing shops for hours on end with her daughter and wondering how she could stand it (she said she enjoyed it).

I took my son out a lot, so we could meet other people so that I didn't have to spend hours entertaining him.

The older he got the better I liked it.

I am female, I had (and still have) a supportive husband and my son is now 30. I was a SAHM for four years, then went to Uni part time, then had a part time job until he was 15, when I went back to work full-time.

kindofagilr

I cant comment really, as I am pregnant with my first child.

I dont remember my mam playing with me like that as such (like playing shop etc)

But quite often on sundays we used to all play board games or card games together, which I really think she enjoyed? they only stopped when me and my brother got old enough to want to be out with friends instead (age 13 or so)

Becles

I don't mind playing games, baking, bathtime, bedtime and reading books and stuff like that. I enjoy that and we have fun.

I really can't stand gluing and sticking or other craft stuff. I never liked it as a child and I find it boring watching mine doing it. I do let them do it occasionally, but I'm not very enthusiastic about it

fernliebee

No I love doing all those things and more, but then I worked with children for years before having DD so they are like second nature to me

I do know there are some things I prefer to others though, I'm not always in the mood to sit on the floor playing games with small characters etc, but prefer doing activities such as sticking/ cooking etc...

IMO quality time doesn't have to be doing something like that, me and DD read ton's of books during a day and I feel this is quality time for us, we get all snuggled up on sofa and read stories, I love it.

eta: you did mention reading, I obviously need some more practise at reading OP's

I guess we are all different though and I bet your kid's didn't know that it was done out of duty, and that is what matters.

mrcow

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I took my son out a lot, so we could meet other people so that I didn't have to spend hours entertaining him.

I think quite a few people are like this.

I've known/seen many Mums out constantly with their babies when it's pretty obvious that they are only out because they don't want to be at home "entertaining" them. Even when the child is really playing up and the Mum threatens "We'll go home if you don't stop" - it's never going to happen as the Mum doesn't want to be at home with the child. Drives me nuts to be honest - they'd rather spend hours around my house or in a shopping centre because they don't want/can't be bothered to be responsible themselves.

So I don't think you're alone for sure.

I like doing most things with my children. Enjoy playing shops whilst you can, as the years pass all too quickly. I certainly wouldn't wish any of them away.

Quality time isn't about doing something that one of you enjoys btw - it's about doing something that you both enjoy and where you are spending dedicated time together and are not being distracted by other activities.

Lotus-eater

I do things I enjoy with the kids, my OH does things she enjoys, luckily we like different things.
We go for walks, do the nature stuff, go sneaking around in mud trying to see animals, mini beast hunts, making animal houses, gardening, photography. My OH does all the craft stuff and plays shops, imaginative stuff.

Just do what you are good at, that's what we do.

kjmtidea

I play board games a lot with my 4 and we go to the park, read etc but there are also games that I find sooooooo boring so I don't do them:rotfl:. Things like playing with cars, shops etc, it is mind numbing so they do that by themselves, although there are 4 of them - all boys aged 2,4,6 and 8 so they don't really need me to amuse them .

MERFE

My attention span for some of the games the kids play and want me to play with them is so tiny, its awful. I must try harder. My son likes trains and plays with them constantly and can often be heard saying 'come on mummy, come and see' I must comment 'oh yes its the longest train I've ever seen' before I'm allowed back to the housework I'd rather be doing. I can only watch my son jump silly on the trampoline for 5 mins. However I can do cooking with them every week, read to them daily, get the playdough out, sit and do colouring, get out the arts and crafts, go for long walks, bike rides etc So sometimes they have to play and entertain themselves and sometimes I do spend time with them. If its during activities we both enjoy it'll be more quality imo. Mine are 3 and 4 and so have just about reached the board game age so some evenings we just play hungry hippos, do jigsaws etc.

Incidently when I take them to the beach I can not sit still so end up building them a boat in the sand, huge castles, go paddling etc I need to be kept busy as well as the kids so I think my son understands that I cannot sit and play trains for hours on end.

I have friends who like to be out and about too rather than at home, I dont think its awful, people are just different. I like to get out and do stuff but most the time I'd much rather be at home. I love being at home, thats just who I am so it takes a nice summers day or an organised event to get me out.

Jo_R_2

I count quality time as times where I can give undivided attention to one or more children. To me it doesn't necessarily have to be a planned 'activity' - one of my favourite times with DD2 is when we walk to and from nursery in the mornings and we chat about things three-year-olds like, she's a right bundle of comedy at the mo so I really like it

There are some things I don't really enjoy doing but that's par for the course - I see it as exactly the same principle as spending time with family or friends who enjoy other activities that I might not necessarily like, but there's always something we *do* enjoy. I don't expect to enjoy every child-based activity but I must admit to sneaking into the soft play every now and again for a run around and a go on the slide:D

I certainly notice if a day or two has gone by and we've been busy with day-to-day stuff and I've not had time to spend with DDs. Their behaviour is always better in relation to having spent quality time with them.

And agree with mrcow - I make the most of having baby at home as now he's turning into his own little person IYKWIM, I know he's only going to be so little for not so long and I relish all the little things, the times we spend together doing silly fun things:)

thorsoak

I enjoyed being with my children - then, when they were children and now that they are adults. I enjoy being with my grandchildren and they enjoy being with me. That is quality time - not just "doing" things with them.

foxy-roxy

When i was a nursery nurse i did the one to one thing with the kids only because i was being paid to, it was very stressful, and messy especially when it was painting time. Some things are fun to do but others can be very boring but you have to remember to a child it is very exciting.

my mum could never be bothered and used to make half hearted attempts at playing dolls house - like pretending to take a sip of tea out of a tiny dolls cup just to keep me quiet, so when i knew she wouldn't play (she prefered cleaning - a completed clean freak - something i never inherited:o ) i started reading instead and still to this day i love nothing more than reading, so maybe it was a good thing:D