We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum. This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are - or become - political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.

'Quality' Time?

123468

Comments

  • mummy_Jay
    mummy_Jay Posts: 495 Forumite
    I think quality time is an interesting phase it means different things to different people.

    I make sure everyday I make time to sit down and do homework/reading with my DS (5), I bathe and read to him every night but to me this isn't our quality time, neither is the time we do the housework, washing the car, the weekly shop or gardening together. This is just what you do when you have kids.

    Our quality time are those moments where we stop, no tv, no doing jobs and just talk, where he gets to tell me whats going on in his head, be it something he saw on tv, something that happened at school, just anything he wants to. My favourite time is when he sneaks into bed with me on a sunday morning for a cuddle and a chat. I do also sitdown and play games with him sometimes or do a puzzle, or madcap science experiement but he's more than capable of entertaining himself and I do try to get out most weekends with him, its just a question of balance.

    As a working mum, every moment with him is so precious, I love every minute of it, I don't care if I'm up to my eyeballs in mud or sat on the floor going over a maths problem for the umteenth time. I could never get bored of it and as he's not of an age where he's going to want to disect frogs or a like yet there's nothing I would say I don't enjoy doing. But then he is very much a mini-me.
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,902 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    notakid wrote: »
    seven day weekend I think you have mentioned your son is ASD? I will say that children on the spec tend to like repetitive behaviour. So maybe that's why you were alittle bored? There is only so many times you can enjoy a book and hear the same responses, the same goes for games/actives. Sometimes I felt I was in the film Groundhog Day!
    Oh yes, I can still recite some of DS1's favourite books, and he's in his 20s now! A Mog book, Little Rabbit Foo Foo, and I am a Rabbit!
    keys wrote: »
    I always involve her in making tea and household jobs , she enjoys this and I also feel it prepares her for older life . She loves washing the potatoes when I have peeled them , putting pillowcases on the pillows , picking things off the floor when I hoover , setting the table , and dusting etc , etc . I think this also helps you and makes it fun for her , whilst also teaching her teamwork .
    My problem with doing things like this with DS1, is that whatever implement I was using was obviously the 'right' implement to use, so he had to have it. So washing up: I'd give him a brush and I'd use a sponge, but he'd have to swap with me. Fair enough, I'd use the brush and he'd have the sponge, but that wasn't right either! Same with gardening and trowels and small forks ...

    With hindsight, I'd now go and buy two identical implements, but we didn't know then that he was an Aspie, and even then I think he would still have needed to keep swapping because he wouldn't have been SURE that 'my' thing was the same as 'his' thing.
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • jpwhittle
    jpwhittle Posts: 1,509 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    well i just feel a whole load better, i love crafting and baking and going for walks and stuff with my 2 children, noah 4 and evie17months but when it comes to playing board games i hate it, i get so bored, but ive never been a huge fan of board games, i have to really be in the mood for them. I think i spend quality time with them as we do make things and go out to places, very rarely shopping, we go on family holidays, im with them 24/7 and they get a bedtime story and song every night, so they do have quality time but not everything is fun, sometimes it bores me soooo much its unreal, then i feel like the worst mother thinking everyone else is playing with their kids, so thankyou for making me see im actually quite normal.
    back to comping in 2017, fingers crossed :beer:
  • jpwhittle wrote: »
    well i just feel a whole load better, i love crafting and baking and going for walks and stuff with my 2 children, noah 4 and evie17months but when it comes to playing board games i hate it, i get so bored, but ive never been a huge fan of board games, i have to really be in the mood for them. I think i spend quality time with them as we do make things and go out to places, very rarely shopping, we go on family holidays, im with them 24/7 and they get a bedtime story and song every night, so they do have quality time but not everything is fun, sometimes it bores me soooo much its unreal, then i feel like the worst mother thinking everyone else is playing with their kids, so thankyou for making me see im actually quite normal.

    Thank YOU for making ME see I'm quite normal! :)
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • clairehi
    clairehi Posts: 1,352 Forumite
    tbh I hated doing these things and felt it was like watching paint dry.
    .

    Me too especially when they were pre-school and had the attention span of a gnat. I can't say I find listening to them read/practice the recorder/play interminable "maths games"/test them on their spelling that exciting either, but then its homework so am I allowed to be bored by it? A lot of parenting is very tedious and repetitive, especially very small children, but there is a bit of a social taboo about mums admitting this I think. Id rather go to work and be paid to be bored thanks.

    I still have the Gruffalo and Very Hungry Caterpillar off by heart and probably will for life btw...luckily I quite like most of their taste in books...
  • tandraig
    tandraig Posts: 2,260 Forumite
    I think we can safely say that there is no one definition of quality time BUT every single poster experiences it at some point - usually (but not always) doing the normal everyday things that families do. yes some things are boring for us, but we do them with good grace because we get a kick out of seeing the kids enjoyment!!! I'm enjoying this thread - its so reassuring to find so many people in agreement for once!!!
  • clairehi
    clairehi Posts: 1,352 Forumite
    Savvy_Sue wrote: »
    O

    My problem with doing things like this with DS1, is that whatever implement I was using was obviously the 'right' implement to use, so he had to have it. .

    That sounds familiar. my DS1 was like that and so "helping" just became an argument over tools...he was never interested in toys, could not see the point in them - just wanted the grown up stuff!
  • Lotus-eater
    Lotus-eater Posts: 10,789 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I've got to admit it, I can't stand bedtime stories, they bore me to tears :(

    She's into barbie princess stories atm, have you ever read a barbie story? It's the pits, they are the worst drivel ever written. I quite like the Mr Men, but she wants pink princesses who marry princes called Jeremy who have guitars........

    I admitted it once to a friend and he said that that is the best time to spend with a child, which made me feel pretty crap tbh, oh well.
    Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.
  • fernliebee
    fernliebee Posts: 1,803 Forumite
    edited 11 March 2010 at 7:26PM
    I've got to admit it, I can't stand bedtime stories, they bore me to tears :(

    She's into barbie princess stories atm, have you ever read a barbie story? It's the pits, they are the worst drivel ever written. I quite like the Mr Men, but she wants pink princesses who marry princes called Jeremy who have guitars........

    I admitted it once to a friend and he said that that is the best time to spend with a child, which made me feel pretty crap tbh, oh well.

    Yeah I'm a mean mummy, and I hid Noddy under the sofa. :D

    DD is still only little though so it was quickly forgotten about and she has ton's and ton's of books so not like she goes without. I generally hate 'character' books like postman pat, barbie, night garden etc and I don't buy them, although DD does have a few that people have got for her.

    ETA I also found I would get books (from charity shops) that I remember loving as a child, and now I hate reading them eg Mr Men- the stories seem to go nowhere lot's of wordy sentences with no real meaning, Funnybones- dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark AAAHhhhhghgghghgghh!!!! :D

    Yet of course these will be DD favourites and I will plough through them regardless! Who said it was good to give small children choices again? :D
  • I've got something worse to confess than not liking reading bedtime stories.....

    ....my friend said she loved spending hours with both her children breast feeding. I HATED breast-feeding (I did it for a month and then got an abscess and had to stop). I felt like a dairy cow or a drinks machine. Had I have not had the abscess I would have carried on, because I believe it is best, but how she could have loved it and found it relaxing, I cannot imagine.

    I had post-natal depression too while I was breast feeding (and after) and felt I was the worst mum in the world.
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 348.3K Banking & Borrowing
  • 252.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 452.4K Spending & Discounts
  • 240.8K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 617.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 175.6K Life & Family
  • 254K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.