Somone coming into my house...

tandraig

Alyth - you are NOT responsible for this! no way! this person is not normal hun. you didnt encourage him. do NOT blame yourself.
this person fixated on you - it was all in HIS mind not yours.
Alyth - its not you hun who is responsible for this - its HIM
at least you know you arent going mad hun. and the nightmare is over.
keep the security measures - a woman on her own cant be too careful. and by the way - your police are wonderful!!! sleep well tonight hun.

trufflebuggy

Are the police satisfied that he is of no threat to you? Hopefully their little talk with him will have done the trick, but i hope they are going to keep a polite eye on him for a while. like the others said you've done nothing wrong.

Stay strong, thinking of you.

stuckinscotland

Oh sweetie........ you must feel awful. I'm here if you need me. :A

southoftheriver

Nothing to add to the good advice thats already been offered, but am thinking of you tonight. Like someone said, you are safer now than you were before even though you didn't fully appreciate everything that was going on.

Sleep as best you can and good luck with the exam results.

stuckinscotland

How are things today...

patchwork_cat

You are not stupid - we have to trust people as they appear because most people are trustworthy. Betrayal of that trust makes you cagey, but try not to let it affect you and not trust again.

I think you have dealt with this all VERY well. Years ago we had a neighbour who was going througha divorce, she got a kitten, but wasn't around much, so gave me a key. We would check on him every so often - anyway she either got paranoid or had another intruder, as she suddenly turned around and accused us of eating her biscuits and using her electricity! We weren't we would occasionally pop in to check on her kitten (as she requested)as she could be out for 12/14 hours, but we had our own leccy and biscuits!

I wonder if she had someone else coming in as it certainly wasn't us , but she did a very good job of alienating us! As you haven't been around accusing people you have dealt with this well.

When did you change your belief that this was the old guy and not married man?

lill

alyth wrote: »

I think I feel like a muppet - and like a statistic. Stupid middle aged woman trusts a person and he decides there is something more to it than friends - a lesson learn for me.

hun you need to make sure you keep telling yourself this is NOT your fault, . Do not take any blame for this and end up feeling like a victim. This man has violated your privacy and more importantly your TRUST in him, HE is in the wrong, you are not responsible for his actions HE is.

RAS

Alyth

hope you are feeling a bit better this morning?

Can i suggest that you talk to your tutor at college, so they know what is going on - if there is a blip in your exam results this can be dealt with.

Also speak to the welfare person who may be able to get you some extra support or someone to speak to in person.

belfastgirl23

Hi alyth, have been following this but not posting since everyone else seemed to have already said what I was thinking

Well done on going to the police and getting as far as you have

Just to say that it's natural to feel a bit vulnerable and a bit upset but you will get over it, just go with it for now and let it out.

I also wanted to say though that it is possible that the motive wasn't as personal as it seems. Sometimes people just like to be somewhere else - I do remember looking after a friend's house for a while and just enjoying the peace and quiet when I was there watering plants etc. And maybe he had become quite fond of the dog? I would hope that a bit of a warning from the police would put a full stop on things pretty fast. I'm obviously not saying that you shouldn't be careful and aware for a while but just saying try not to stress too much about it, it will hopefully all settle down in the end.

I do know how vulnerable you must be feeling though. Do you have an alarm system? I've been staying on my own most of the time lately and it is a really good feeling setting the alarm before bed and knowing that all hell will break loose if anyone tries to get in. And that when I get back to the house no one has been in. You can section off an area for the dog if necessary...

alyth

hi - again thank you for all your replies, it's lovely to have your support.

Married guy I've had no contact with in just under a year - although strangely I saw his truck this morning, for the first time this year. Me and the police are convinced that it's the older guy, especially because of the dog - he's feeding her and she loved him - our dogs used to play together until Aug last year.

I'm a very private person and apart from one friend at college no one knows about this. I'd rather not tell my student advisor who is lovely, my way of coping with anything really is to lose myself in my studies and I'll continue to do that. I'm on an access course and have a place at uni to study politics and history so I'm in the middle of both NABS and prelims for my highers - not sure what the English equivalent is - Mocks?

I'll be fine, I slept last night with the phone and a knife beside my bed, but I'm figuring that if he has been warned off, the police spoke to him for an hour apparently last night, then he'll stay away.

It's just not nice - shows how weird men - and women I guess can be. I'll certainly be more wary of people in the future.