Drinking

fletch3163

Hi

Alcoholism, in all its forms, is everywhere. I too used to believe you had to be out of control and unable to function if you were an alcoholic. I know better now.

I have various "types" in my extended family; sister can't function to the point of hallucinating, wetting herself, losing her dignity; BIL nothing for weeks and weeks then a lost 3 days of boozing, and various over-zealous social drinkers. This all made me address my own issues.

I love red wine. I do . I don't drink it any more because I got into a dreadful habit of drinking it every single night. Used to be a half bottle, then 3 quarters, then a bottle. Then, purely to kid myself, I started buying boxes (so I couldn't see myself going over the bottle). After much soul searching (though not about WHY I drank) I stopped.

I don't believe I'm an alcoholic (I still have the odd pear cider) but I do think I got into a stupid habit that became a bit of a crutch and hard to break. Life squiffy was somehow more palatable. Now I know how stupid I was. I'm just an ordinary 40 something mother of one with a darling husband, nothing high flying, nothing dreadfully depressing either. Weird how it gets a grip though.

I do believe sometimes people lose their way with stimulants, but it's not always all or nothing. The thought that someone would tell me I could NEVER drink again is enough to make me focus. It's easy to get in a rut with anything, even booze.

I wish you the best of luck

moorebobbie

To answer Lotus-Eater's question:

Since early February, when she was obviously intoxicated but insisted she hadn't touched a drop, I have been tracking her expenditure.

So, when I checked her purse that evening, she had a receipt from the local Sainsburys for a half bottle of their branded vodka, which she had bought that morning; and an empty half bottle of Sainburys brand vodka was in the wardrobe.

I take no pride in picking through her receipts - fortunately for me she buys most of her booze on her debit or credit card, and keeps the receipts. But it has helped me build up a picture of what she is actually consuming; visits to various convenience stores along her commute route etc. As I live with someone who seems to be in denial about their drinking - and will lie consistently to me about it - it was a practical way I could assure myself I was seeing reality.

Michelin

bestgeorge wrote: »

Thanks Pukkamum and gratefulforhelp for sharing your experiences, it's really useful to hear both that other people have done this and that hopefully my current tactics have a chance of working. Moorebobby Im sorry to hear that things havent got any better for you. I dont really have anything helpful to say in your situation. Does she have any friends or relatives you could talk to about this? It sounds alot more serious than my situation especially if shes drinking spirits in the daytime. And not being able to talk about it must make it all worse.

as for us, hes away for work at the minute and had a big end of project night out last night. Phoned me on the way home pretty sober and commenting on how drunk everyone else was which was great, and was able to tell me exactly how much he drank and he sounded proud of himself for it, especially since it was all on the company and it is more or less expected for people to get hammered. I dont think hes been drinking that much since hes been away, or at least it doesnt sound like he has been. I will be able to tell though when he gets back since I sort out all of his receipts for expenses claims and I know he wont think to keep them seperate. the next thing to tackle is a LOT of alcohol free days in the week.

And since hes away I allowed myself a glass of wine with dinner last night and it was lovely I have missed this a little bit...but determined to stick with it.

I'm so glad this seems to be working out for you, really I am. But please, at this time, do not let your guard down. Addicts are very clever - not trying to put a damper on this but some of what you are saying still sends alarm bells off in my head (and I am speaking from experience not just my opinion). Your comment to moorebobby about his situation being different to yours; it really is not different in that both of your partners are 'indulging' in activities that cause hurt/upset to you both. Once someone is alcohol dependent, it is the same for all situations. I know this is harsh to hear and for that I am sorry, but just because your partner is not passed out on the sofa, doesn't mean he is different from this lady. Again, if I am honest, I have to say that addicts - whatever their addiction is - are very clever and can say and hide what they want.

I think your husband is incredibly lucky having such a wonderful person like you and I hope he finds the strength to fight this demon and have some normality. Remember this is not about him not loving you - far from it - but an illness that means he can't stop something.:kisses3:

Michelin

moorebobbie wrote: »

To answer Lotus-Eater's question:

Since early February, when she was obviously intoxicated but insisted she hadn't touched a drop, I have been tracking her expenditure.

So, when I checked her purse that evening, she had a receipt from the local Sainsburys for a half bottle of their branded vodka, which she had bought that morning; and an empty half bottle of Sainburys brand vodka was in the wardrobe.

I take no pride in picking through her receipts - fortunately for me she buys most of her booze on her debit or credit card, and keeps the receipts. But it has helped me build up a picture of what she is actually consuming; visits to various convenience stores along her commute route etc. As I live with someone who seems to be in denial about their drinking - and will lie consistently to me about it - it was a practical way I could assure myself I was seeing reality.

This is so sad and as I have said before, she really does need help. But that has to be her choice and not yours. I wish you all the best.

Lotus-eater

Michelin wrote: »

Once someone is alcohol dependent, it is the same for all situations.

Sorry, that's just not true.

I remember watching Keith Chegwin tell everyone on tv how he used to hide bottles of whiskey around his house and drink them in the daytime.
Then there are those who get violent, those who drive drunk repeatedly.
I have never done any of those things, nor have many others.

No, the world of the alcoholic is full of different people, every situation is different, just the misfortune to be under the spell of something, to be missing something from everyday life, is what is the same.

bestgeorge

thanks Michelin and I also have some of those alarm bells going off too i am not getting too comfortable with him not being an addict although if im honest im hoping he isnt! I do think there are some differences with moorebobby, in that when i talked to him about it he agreed straight away that he was drinking too much and needed to cut down. I know that is different from doing it but at least he is willing to admit it. the bit he wont do is really talk about why or admit that everyone has stress but not everyone uses alcohol to cope with it. He did also use the word crutch himself without me using it. Im hoping we can keep the conversation going about it, he is a person who has to think things through for himself and I know that I need to be patient while he does this, though also watchful. He mentioned to me on the phone that he has had a few alcohol free days this week already, again without me asking or anything. I dont think he would lie about this although as you say michelin you dont ever know and addiction is sneaky. I think though that if he lied to me he would be admitting to himself he has a problem and he really does not believe he has a problem at the minute so he would see no reason to lie if that makes sense.

I suppose I am hoping that him wanting to change counts for something. but i also know i cant underestimate the problem and just ignore things again. Were spending easter together so will be able to see a bit better then whats going on. Thank you too fletch for sharing your experiences. And lotus eater this time I'm hoping youre right.

moorebobby how are you getting on?

Michelin

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Sorry, that's just not true.

I remember watching Keith Chegwin tell everyone on tv how he used to hide bottles of whiskey around his house and drink them in the daytime.
Then there are those who get violent, those who drive drunk repeatedly.
I have never done any of those things, nor have many others.

No, the world of the alcoholic is full of different people, every situation is different, just the misfortune to be under the spell of something, to be missing something from everyday life, is what is the same.

I mean that the situation re lying and deceit etc is the same for all addicts - in fact not just alcoholics. All addicts lie -ask all those who have been the wives, children, parents of one.

Michelin

bestgeorge wrote: »

thanks Michelin and I also have some of those alarm bells going off too i am not getting too comfortable with him not being an addict although if im honest im hoping he isnt! I do think there are some differences with moorebobby, in that when i talked to him about it he agreed straight away that he was drinking too much and needed to cut down. I know that is different from doing it but at least he is willing to admit it. the bit he wont do is really talk about why or admit that everyone has stress but not everyone uses alcohol to cope with it. He did also use the word crutch himself without me using it. Im hoping we can keep the conversation going about it, he is a person who has to think things through for himself and I know that I need to be patient while he does this, though also watchful. He mentioned to me on the phone that he has had a few alcohol free days this week already, again without me asking or anything. I dont think he would lie about this although as you say michelin you dont ever know and addiction is sneaky. I think though that if he lied to me he would be admitting to himself he has a problem and he really does not believe he has a problem at the minute so he would see no reason to lie if that makes sense.

I suppose I am hoping that him wanting to change counts for something. but i also know i cant underestimate the problem and just ignore things again. Were spending easter together so will be able to see a bit better then whats going on. Thank you too fletch for sharing your experiences. And lotus eater this time I'm hoping youre right.

moorebobby how are you getting on?

You seem really level-headed about is all and that is great - well done and I so hope that this works out for him and for you. Do you think that in time he will be able talk about why he does this so that you can help there as well?

fruitycar

tanith wrote: »

I think its amazing how people on MSE support others and somehow help strangers get through the most difficult times of their lives and come out the other side... well done everyone.. and here's hoping you get through to him just what he's putting at risk... I hope you keep us updated and come back for a boost if your resolve is flagging...;)

lovely post tanith :A
(hope you don't mind if I repost on the cutting down/giving up thread?)

Lotus-eater

Michelin wrote: »

I mean that the situation re lying and deceit etc is the same for all addicts - in fact not just alcoholics. All addicts lie -ask all those who have been the wives, children, parents of one.

Well that's not what you said.

But OK, let's take you that you meant what you say now.

Putting a system wide generalisation on every alcoholic isn't wise, they are all very different. Some things are the same, but very different IYSWIM.

Not all lie, not all hide........ not all live on park benches

I've known many people with an alcohol problem , the only thing about them that is the same, is alcohol, everything else is completely different, their thought patterns, the way they handle it, the way they drink, their relationships with their family.