Controlled Crying

katie_jane_2

i think youre both right on some occasions books are invaluable particularly in the begining and theyre worth hanging on to if only to reinforce confidence in your own instincts.there arent hard n fast rules with parenting its what suits the mum and the baby and everyone is different!

giggs11

everyone has different experiences and as i said before the lifestyle people lead these days is much different to what our parents and grnadparents experienced so one size doesn't fit all these days. i'm only 23 so still quite young but my eldest dd is 7yo (ok i was stupid and got caught out young) and despite having supportive parents and bf (they all work full time) I was pretty much left to my own devices to bring her up and also with second dd 4yo but never read any books, just did what instinct told me to do. i breast fed on demand with both of them and was always there if they cried, not always picking them up tho but they knew i was there. they are both well adjusted girls now and go to nursery and school, no clinginess or anything, and i've managed to back to college to get my alevels and now in my final year at uni studying psychology. like i said before iwouldn't dream of criticising any parents out there as life is tough these days and many women need to work to support family etc so its not easy bringing up kids too. i've had my own fair share of guilt leaving them at nursery etc to go to uni. i do think theres far too many "pros" and books etc saying do this or do that and heaping on tons of guilt on poor mums who fail to rear their child "by the book" cos babes don't read these books so don't know how to be text book models for themk to work with.

katie_jane_2

and everone should use nhs direct its a fantastic free service that is a brill resource for parents and especially if you instantly imagine worst case scenario every time kids are ill like i do! they defo help with keeping things in perspective!

Lillibet_2

My son is 2 weeks off his first birthday, I don't use controlled crying & feel very uncomfortable with the idea. If he cries it is for a reason even if the reason is only wanting attention, what's so wrong with wanting attention? He's only 1 so hasn't got a very big grasp of the world yet, attention is pretty big on his scale of understanding! I do let him settle himself to sleep, this doesn't involve too much crying just a few random sobs if anything, the same if he wakes in the night, more jsut disturbance & a little noise really, not crying. I don't run & pick him up the second he starts crying, night or day, but I do talk to him, sing to him, even just tell him he's OK for a few minutes whilst I finish what I'm doing. I don't ever ignore him & he always gets a cuddle within a few minutes, providing he hasn't occupied himself with something in the mean time. I wouldn't call this controlled crying, just common sense & love.

Someone else mentioned signing to a baby : we have been going to baby signing classes since Spud was 4 months old, he's starting to pick it up now (we started very young, they usually pick it up between 8-12 months old) & I love this early communication. He also understands certain words, expeically when accompanied by the signs; where's daddy, where's the dog, no, yes, nappy change time, sleep time, bath etc.

Afraid I haven't read any parenting books. Actually, I did try the baby whisperer & ended up a nervous wrerck within 2 days & sold it on Amazon after 3 days. Utter rubbish in my opinion but then I didn't have a feeding schedule or nap schedule or anything else : I fed when he was hungary & he slept when he was tired, so I guess I couldn't expect him (or me!) to conform to someone elses timetable! The only time I have ever rung NHS direct they were utterly useless. I rely on my instincts now & come here when I need further advice! Somene here has always dealt with it already & knows the answer:D

astonsmummy

IMO CC isnt's about attention and clingyness its mainly for sleeping problems. I never used it to stop DS crying anyother time but at night, and really it wasnt to stop him crying, rather to get him out of waking up a rediculous amount of times and drinking rediculous amounts of milk.

Crispy_Ambulance

I think the problems is the we are desparate to find all the "answers" and Gina Ford promises this, which is why so many parents buy her books. However, all children are different and no book is as good as your own instincts.

Years ago, we would have lived in extended families, where everyone would have had experiences and helpful advice. Now, many women have never even held a newborn until they have their own. They are used to being in control of every aspect of their lives and find the adjustment to have a newborn absolutely terrifying. We all want a quick fix.

To be honest, there is very little point in trying to establish any kind of routine for a tiny baby. They feed when they are hungry and sleep when they are tired. And they are not like this forever. And disturbed sleep is part of having a small baby. Yes, it is hard, but you get used to it. Babies can't just be slotted into a routine that suits the parents and most people are happier when they stop trying and adjust their lives to their baby instead.

Babies will grow up soon enough, and sleep will return. Sometimes trying everything and reading book after book is much more exhausting than just adjusting your life for a bit and waiting for this phase to pass.

katie_jane_2

i was taught by my midwife that babys find their own routines and for the most part i follow that.then if i realize somethings workin i stick with it such as nap times, comforters etc.although im not against books i had a great miriam stoppard one she seems pretty relaxed with her advice apart from where safetys concerened of course.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

It's sensible to learn as much as possible about bringing up baby, from relatives, books, nhs direct and by listening to what a baby is telling you.
It's also worth remembering the ill-fated advice, handed out by all and sundry, that babies must sleep on their tummies. I said at the time that made no sense whatsoever and got slated for it. I guess the important thing is not to beleive everything your hear and everything you read and listen to your own common sense.

sneekymum

DD (now 4) started crying (most, well, almost all of the time) at 12 months and didn't stop until almost three. After many trips to the GP and health visitor it was decided there was nothing wrong with her and she had developed this as a method of communicating her frustration at not being able to talk well enough.

Endless crying (night and day) is enough to make any parent feel worthless. We coped by sending her to a nursery. I'd have gone potty otherwise.

We use a form of Controlled Crying to try to get her out of this behaviour. She still cries a lot of the time - especially when she's too tired or excited to find the words for what she wants to say. {She has sidestepped the problem at nursery by refusing to speak at all - never a word in over three years - though talking most eloquently at home, and she has been overheard talking to me in the nursery cloakroom} - to me CC is checking that there's no physical reason for the tears (or issues of fair play now she's older) and then ignoring her till she stops.

This has worked - though very slowly - although it might just be that she's growing out of it.

The main benefit is really that you have a coping system for yourself.

rainbowrisin

I'll be honest and say that, personally, I wouldn't use cc, BUT my children are goodish sleepers and I'm someone who operates pretty well on 4-6 hours sleep every 24 or so anyway.
However, if I was someone who needed more sleep to operate effectively and my children's sleeping patterns compromised that severely and continuously then I would consider it. That would be because I would want to provide the best possible care to my children during the day, and you can't do that if you are severely sleep deprived over a longish period. It just can't be done.
I don't think parents do leave their children screaming uncontrollably for hours with cc, and I think it's easy to be negative about a technique which "feels" wrong.
I've been interested in those who have found it works, and certainly if a qualified nanny feels comfortable using it in certain circumstances then I would be dubious about it causing lasting psychological damage, unless it formed part of a number of external variables which in aggregate resulted in an inappropriate nurturing environment.
In summary, my parenting style would not include cc as a technique, but I would accept it has its place as a last resort.