Controlled Crying

Poppy9

No offence to the Nannies but I wouldn't feel comfortable with an outsider using CC or any other method of instilling discipline/routine on my baby. I know this happens when they start school but they are older and able to be reasoned with more. Maybe it's just the fact I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone else but me or OH deciding on our child's routine etc. I think parenting is instinctive for all but sleep deprivation/PND for parents can make them lose all sense of reason/instinct at times.

SammyD_2

My son was a very bad sleeper. I tried controlled crying once, and wished I hadn't - I did it on the advice of Health Visitor. My son just screamed - he is not the type of child who will give up easily.

I never used it again and will not use it for my daughter (almost one) either. I just think that your children need you - it might not be for a physical reason, they just might be miserable for all sorts of reasons. If I get home from work and feel grumpy, I would be really upset if my husband just ignored me, and I think that must be how my babies would feel too!

My son (just turned three) now sleeps fantastically well (after two years of waking), my daughter ususally sleeps in her cot for the first few hours, but will then sleep snuggled up to us in our bed which means a few pats usually get her back to sleep quickly.

I think it is asking a lot of a baby to be expected to be in their own room, all night, without waking, and to leave them to settle from crying...I know there are parents who swear it works, but the only child I know who was left to cry has terrible behaviour problems (not necessarily a connection, and I am sure that there are plenty of people who will post saying their children were left to cry and are angels).

astonsmummy

whilst using CC the child is only left to cry for short intervals, before going in to reasure them that you have not left them, not just left to ball their eyes out until they stop or fall asleep. That in my eyes would be cruel.
CC was only used on DS to break bad habits, eg waking over 4 times a night and drinkling a whole 9oz bottle of milk each time, he still wakes up once now sometimes but thats to be expected of children. i think for people to actually understand what CC is actually about they should read dr frebers book.

happi_2

Hope you don't mind me joining in the thread only I'd appreciate your help as I'm thinking of using cc to help my baby get to sleep on his own. He's 7.5 months old and has never been left to cry - as soon as he cries we pick him up/cuddle him/change him/feed etc. Getting him to sleep now though is getting more and more difficult - he won't settle with anyone other than me (his poor dad just gets screams!) and even then he has to be feed and then fully asleep before I can put him in the cot. I am still breastfeeding him a couple of times a day, but have started to use a bottle at night as I know he uses b/f as a comforter. He takes the bottle, but the more tired he gets the more he tries to breastfeed.

Any ideas/experiences would be much appreciated as my DS gets really upset when trying to sleep/waking up so I'm sure he would be better off being able to get to sleep on his own....even if it does mean a few days of upset. It might also mean that I may be able to have my first night out since he was born as I will be able to leave him with his godmother for a few hours!

Cheers

astonsmummy

If i was you i would either buy or get from your library a book and read it thouroughly to get ur head round it,and so u can refer to it, I tried CC a few times and it is very difficult so u have to be prepared to do it and stick to it because if you give up it can make things difficult - you are lucky to have the support of your other half.
The basics really are You settle baby quietly and leave them, then go back after say 2 mins, just reassure them you still there ie a stoke on the head and say goodnight then leave them again this time increasing the time you leave the baby there is no set times its up to you really, i started at 2 mins, then 5 mins, and so on, it may take a while and it is hard the first night but it gets easier,and it does work if you do it right and stick to it.
The book i read was - solving your childs sleep problems by richard ferber, i'm sure there are many others, hopefully someone else will be able to suggest some more xx
Good luck, and there is light at the end of the tunnel xx

cookiesncream

Poppy9 wrote:

No offence to the Nannies but I wouldn't feel comfortable with an outsider using CC or any other method of instilling discipline/routine on my baby. I know this happens when they start school but they are older and able to be reasoned with more. Maybe it's just the fact I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone else but me or OH deciding on our child's routine etc. I think parenting is instinctive for all but sleep deprivation/PND for parents can make them lose all sense of reason/instinct at times.

I understand your concerns but a nanny won't force her own routine onto parents, most nannies I know will have a consultation and come to an agreement with the family (I won't lie though, some don't care enough to do this). The other thing is, as a general rule, nannies don't actually adminster the CC and it's not the only method that's used. It's really down to the baby and the parents and what suits them.

Anastasia

I have never used controlled crying nor do I think it is a good idea unless it is used with an older child with sleeping problems.

I used the opposite with my children - attended to their needs when they cried. I believe that leads to a more reassured baby less likely to cry. Mine were very contented.

Note to Happi with her 7.5 month old baby: Around 7/8 months babies expierence a very real separation anxiety - you leave the room and they think you are not coming back. This may be contributing to her problems. I think most experts would recommend a first step to aim to get the baby to go to bed awake. For other parents that is something to try and do from a very young age.

astonsmummy

Anastasia wrote:

I have never used controlled crying nor do I think it is a good idea unless it is used with an older child with sleeping problems.

I used the opposite with my children - attended to their needs when they cried. I believe that leads to a more reassured baby less likely to cry. Mine were very contented.

Note to Happi with her 7.5 month old baby: Around 7/8 months babies expierence a very real separation anxiety - you leave the room and they think you are not coming back. This may be contributing to her problems. I think most experts would recommend a first step to aim to get the baby to go to bed awake. For other parents that is something to try and do from a very young age.

CC neve affected DS whatsoveer, in fact if anything it helped. He wasnt waking up all throught the night, wanting milk and needing to be changed umpteen times a night anymore - thus being a less tired, more happy and contented baby (he was always happy anyway)
Yes babies think you will never be coming back but thats why you go back in at short intervals for reassurance.
To get her baby to fall asleep on their own would need the use of CC as he associates falling asleep with mum, bottle and boob .
But it is a very valid point to let baby fall asleep on their own from an early age (wish i had stuck to it)

Janepig

I did a similar thing to you astonsmummy which was leaving my son for a minute, then two minutes, then five minutes and so on. At the time it was hell and I had to keep reminding myself that I'll look back on that time when he's eighteen and wish I was still standing outside his room willing him to sleep rather than lying in bed worrying about which nightclub he's in and what time he'll roll in!!!!!

I see no problem with getting a routine going, my daughter positively thrived on it and still does at 3. I did read lots of info when she was a baby and just took on board the bits I felt I could work with rather than stick to one plan. I think these days we don't always have such a family/friends network to rely on as new mothers perhaps did some years ago. My mum passed away five weeks before my daughter (her first grandchild) was born and there's so much I'd love to ask about what I was like and what she did with me (although I was a horror!!!). However, I can barely remember what my three year old was like when she was my baby boy's age so maybe my mother would have struggled to recall exactly what she did with me 32 years down the line!!!!!!!!

I'm also about to go back to work (in a month) and baby boy is going to be going to a day nursery three days a week. I'm worried sick as it is so reading about how at 7 months old babies get separation anxiety and think you're not coming back doesn't really help. Especially when my experience with my daughter was completely the opposite (doesn't stop me worrying about mammys boy though!!!!)

Jxxxxx

CharleneUK

My baby is 8 months old, and although sometimes tempted. I've decided not to go the CIO route, like my other two.

I just believe that babies cry for a reason, whatever that reason may be, and say for instance, you needed to cry and wanted a hug or affection, you can communicate that, a baby can't.

I know it works well for some, but it's not for me, or my family.