shall we have a wedding chat thread?

bubbles0169

put in your post code on here to find your nearest help to quit service xx
http://smokefree.nhs.uk/

Lexxi

I don't think he wants to give up, which is part of the problem, he started taking the newer tablets last year and they were really working but we moved away and they wouldn't post prescriptions out.
His mum isn't well, we were going to postpone earlier this year but really can't, we all want her there. The most expensive thing would be the meal but I don't want to cancel that as I don't think she'll be up to just the evening do. 5 of our guests are over 70 too
I keep looking at my budget and working out which things we could not have, like cars

bubbles0169

could you have a sit down buffet meal in the day instead then i went to a wedding the other day that had this xx

Lexxi

I was thinking of that, the room hire for the evening is £100 and we have it from about 11am if we need it. Just means I'm stuck as to what to send to people for the wedding invites, menu or just an invite, which means I can't send invites out until we have a definate decision. It pretty much halves the budget

bubbles0169

ive never been to a wedding where ive had a menu day or night weve got the food when were there and had to like it or lump it lol
obviously youll know of any dietary requiremants or if theyr serious your guest will inform you of what they cant have
they wedding we went to the other day had the same food in the evening too, just fresh stuff brought out
it was really nice to have a few things i didnt have in the day as i thought i looked greedy having everything lol x

Lexxi

I've only ever been to two weddings!! One of which most people were half cut before the ceremony!
My mum said to take somethings off the menu to get the cost per head down. I get the impression he thinks everything will work out ok and he doesn't want to cancel anything, I just feel like I'm stressing alone

bubbles0169

yeah its not fair lexxi
have you got a spreadsheet of all the things your having and how much theyr costing?
have you shown it too him lately and said it isnt going to work out unless we win the lottery!!

poorbutrich

Lexxi wrote: »

I've started many posts like that then deleted them. He won't stop smoking, our rent is £500 a month, he costs us over £400 in cigs and beer and I don't know what to do. He's taken a job that pays a kind of comission only telling the owners that we had loads of savings to live on until he started earning regularly, we did have loads of savings, about £5000, all for the wedding. I have about £1200 of that left now, which is going to pay rent and gocs and food, no other bills, his car needs taxing, I have to pay the council tax, there are some debts I need to sort out. He sulks if I try and bring the conversation to what he spends, I'm probably not doing it in the right way as it's getting me far too worked up.
It's just that he said he was going to give up smoking for the wedding, cut back then started up again! He drinks every night, not eccessively bt it still costs money, he has money in an account somewhere and he won't get in touch with th bank to get the money, it's about £30 but it's not the point anymore, it's the fact he has no interest in any of this and I feel like I'm dragging him to the wedding while he leaves me to stress about all the financial side.
He is trying to get a job that pays properly as am I but I don't know what we'll do in the meantime, I keep working out what things I can cancel, I don't mind losing deposits but as it is I can't really spend any more.
Sorry for the rant, I don't want to call him, he is a good man I've no one to talk to though and it's just going round mt head constatly

I hope you get things sorted joho, I think the wedding planning magnifies lots of things as you're trying to ensure you make the right decision

Hi Lexxi
I just wanted to say that I really feel for you here. My H2B is perfect in every way except for drinking and smoking, and it was the sneaking around and reeking of smoke while looking me in the eye and swearing on my life that he'd not been near a fag that really upset me.

It may not seem like a big deal, but it really is and I hope you get it sorted. I just wanted to let you know that it is fixable. My OH, like yours, was literally burning money that had been worked hard for, saved and set aside. My thoughts were that if he doesn't sort it before the wedding, then he's unlikely to do so afterwards...

Anyway, it has worked out for us, so there is definitely hope! I had a chat with my H2B and said to him that I would recklessly spend the same amount that he was wasting:D...and helpfully totted up the amounts that he was spending on booze. I also helped him find an NHS cessation clinic who were great.

It seemed to do the trick. H2B is now on a health kick and has joined the gym and looks better than ever.

Good luck :A

joho

Aw Lexxi. Feel for you. I was going to post last night to say that it sounded like you should postpone the wedding, but if you can't, then you can't. Like bubbles says there are ways of saving money and you are definitely on the correct board for that! If not, a buffet what about a BBQ (depending on your date of course!!)?

Poorbutrich - your story offers hope to all of us!

Lexxi

Thanks for all the replies, I just feel a bit overwhelmed at times, and it feels like he's not really with me on this. I don't mind him smoking but we can't afford it, he doesn't want to alter the wedding but doesn't want to give up either. No chance of a BBQ Joho, we get married in November!!
Sorry for not replying last night, I'm having problems with the dongle.

I've not done anything with the invites yet in case we end up not having a meal, so when it gets to where they have to be sent out in a few weeks I'll see where we stand. He has had some response from job applications so hopeflly the situation should turn around at least some of the way. I've got most of tomorrow to myself so I'm going to send off applications too.

Thanks for the advice poorbutrich, it's good to know that someone has managed this. I used to spend £300 a month on clothes easily but I stopped when my budget wouldn't allow it, I get so tempted to just scream and stuff all this buudgeting and money saving and p!ss away everything I have on shopping and anything else I feel like!!
Victim spport got in touch too today, so they've offered me someone to talk to so if I'm able to offload some stuff then I won't be as wound up about everything else and hopefully me and OH can talk a bit clearer.

He has picked a very nice wedding song but I can't remember what it is, it's along the lines of 'she' but isn't that, I think the singer is billy something but I've no idea - and I tell him off for not listening!!!