shall we have a wedding chat thread?

bubbles0169

no its a whatever chat thread honest!!
dont worry it doesnt matter x
sometimes he acks down when i dont want him too as i dont think the seriousness of it has been considered and sometimes i back down too soon because i hate the atmosphere too!
its about compromise but in the thick of it you think F you why should i lol
maybe just broach whatever it is thats bugging you but calmly do it, that way your not backing down but you might, some way together, find a way to get on
im a right worrier and think 'what if something happened to one of us and wed left it like this':o:)

shellsuit

Is he not meant to be smoking then?

Hope you both sort it out x

Lexxi

I've started many posts like that then deleted them. He won't stop smoking, our rent is £500 a month, he costs us over £400 in cigs and beer and I don't know what to do. He's taken a job that pays a kind of comission only telling the owners that we had loads of savings to live on until he started earning regularly, we did have loads of savings, about £5000, all for the wedding. I have about £1200 of that left now, which is going to pay rent and gocs and food, no other bills, his car needs taxing, I have to pay the council tax, there are some debts I need to sort out. He sulks if I try and bring the conversation to what he spends, I'm probably not doing it in the right way as it's getting me far too worked up.
It's just that he said he was going to give up smoking for the wedding, cut back then started up again! He drinks every night, not eccessively bt it still costs money, he has money in an account somewhere and he won't get in touch with th bank to get the money, it's about £30 but it's not the point anymore, it's the fact he has no interest in any of this and I feel like I'm dragging him to the wedding while he leaves me to stress about all the financial side.
He is trying to get a job that pays properly as am I but I don't know what we'll do in the meantime, I keep working out what things I can cancel, I don't mind losing deposits but as it is I can't really spend any more.
Sorry for the rant, I don't want to call him, he is a good man I've no one to talk to though and it's just going round mt head constatly

I hope you get things sorted joho, I think the wedding planning magnifies lots of things as you're trying to ensure you make the right decision

mellymeep

Hi everyone, just popping back in to let you all know my day went as perfect as I had ever imagined! You were all right it went super fast but I am so looking forward to starting the rest of our lives together as husband and wife now. I cried pretty much non stop, it was totally overwhelming seeing my Phil standing there in his suit waiting for me!

I don't have any official photos yet but I like this one my friend took


I didn't want to start a thread of my own! I've had far too much attention this weekend that will last me the rest of my life haha. We're just spending the night back home waiting to set off to our cottage minimoon tomorrow morning

nunnygirl

Melly you look gorgeous! Enjoy your mini-moon!

GET BACK TO YOUR HUBBY

bubbles0169

awww melly how lovely do you both look? stunning well done!! your dress is soo cute and his tie colour is lovely xx

lexx if you go over to the dfw/arms/relationships boards youll come across hundreds in your position unfortunately we have to take the rough with the smooth!
i know one poor soul who is still:wall: at the way her hubby deals with money issues and thats after god knows how many years of marriage can you accept this inspite or will it spite you too much? xx

joho

Lexxi wrote: »

I've started many posts like that then deleted them. He won't stop smoking, our rent is £500 a month, he costs us over £400 in cigs and beer and I don't know what to do. He's taken a job that pays a kind of comission only telling the owners that we had loads of savings to live on until he started earning regularly, we did have loads of savings, about £5000, all for the wedding. I have about £1200 of that left now, which is going to pay rent and gocs and food, no other bills, his car needs taxing, I have to pay the council tax, there are some debts I need to sort out. He sulks if I try and bring the conversation to what he spends, I'm probably not doing it in the right way as it's getting me far too worked up.
It's just that he said he was going to give up smoking for the wedding, cut back then started up again! He drinks every night, not eccessively bt it still costs money, he has money in an account somewhere and he won't get in touch with th bank to get the money, it's about £30 but it's not the point anymore, it's the fact he has no interest in any of this and I feel like I'm dragging him to the wedding while he leaves me to stress about all the financial side.
He is trying to get a job that pays properly as am I but I don't know what we'll do in the meantime, I keep working out what things I can cancel, I don't mind losing deposits but as it is I can't really spend any more.
Sorry for the rant, I don't want to call him, he is a good man I've no one to talk to though and it's just going round mt head constatly

I hope you get things sorted joho, I think the wedding planning magnifies lots of things as you're trying to ensure you make the right decision

Aw Lexxi! Sounds like you got it a lot worse than I do. Mine is also supposed to be stopping smoking for the wedding AND for his health and wealth.

He stopped for the grand total of about 4 hours and then was having sneaky ones in the back garden. Then less sneaky ones in the sunroom/lean to. Then regular ones in the kitchen diner. And then outright, blatant, back to normal in the lounge - which I objected to and which caused the row.

My logic with not smoking in the lounge would be that he would smoke less if he had to get up and leave the room, and I didn't want him smoking there because then I would be tempted with fags there beside me having only just given up myself!

Anyway after completely ignoring each other, and living separate lives for 2 days, we are talking again. And he isn't smoking in the lounge!;)

Thank you for listening ladies. Hope we can help you too Lexxi.

And mellymeep - you look lovely and very happy! Congratulations.x

shellsuit

Aww Melly, you look so sweet!!!

Congratulations to you and your new husband! xx

Lexxi

Melly, you look gorgeous, congratulations to you both, I hope you both enjoy your minimoon. xx



Mine's banished outside completely as smoking makes me so ill!! (although he smokes in the house if I'm not here) I know it's an addiction and you have to want to give up and all that but he just ignores me and has no idea that it costs so much money and then like Joho said, there's the health side too. I'm just not sure how to approach it where he won't turn into a petulant child and spark up just to show me! :wall: << just like bubbles said!
There are also lots of other things going on too, like I said we don't have a proper income just now so it's causing problems, just imagine what you could do with £300+ spare cash a month!

I'm glad you and your OH are talking again Joho, there was something on the NHS site that told you the effects of not smoking for certain amounts of time - 15 mins your heart rate goes back to normal 2 months can't remember and so on up to about 7 years, it helped me to know I was doing some good to my body and seeing it stuck to my wardrobe door by giving up. It can be done! :A

I don't mind taking the rough with the smooth bubbles but I had to get two prescriptions for myself this week and I felt bad spending that much money when we don't have it whereas he won't think twice, I suggested he went on alternatives (inhalator/whatever) while we're so skint but he says they're more expensive. I just feel like I'm having to compromise the day I've been left to plan, the day I've been told I can have because he won't contibute, he doesn't want to cancel or postpone so I'm going to have to do without!
Sorry for keep ranting, I had some bad news last week too and I was stressed and emotional enough withot it!

bubbles0169

stop apologising!!
i ment rough with smooth generally but when its something specific like this its really hard to compromise and i dont see why you should!
if it was me i would put my foot down saying we have to postpone until we can afford to go ahead with what we want
we actually have done that in a way as we got engaged in 2001,couldnt afford to get married til now but its still going to take two years to save for what we want
does your Dr's have a help to quit service?i cant remember if its free or its the cost of a prescription but all the nicotine replacements come under that, thats way cheaper than buying the cigs in the long run
i smoked for 14 years ending with a 20 a day habit but with the help of the tablets ive been smoke free for over two years