Different ethnicities and kids birthday parties

clairehi

I second the poster who remarked that a lot of people don't bother to reply to party invites. I have had this problem (not noticed a race issue particularly) and it is extremely inconsiderate, especially if you have booked a party at a venue where you are paying per head rather than at home. Thats not a cultural issue its a practicality.

Mainly because of this we have had smaller parties at home/take friends to the cinema more recently.
My kids did not even know that the word "black" could be used in reference to skin colour until very recently ( they are 8 and 10). They had started to refer to darker skinned people as "brown" completely innocently, just because they had noticed some of their friends were darker skinned than others...but they had no idea what "black" meant.

xs11ax

I have actually gone out of my way to teach my kids about black, brown, white etc people and different languages, different cultures, different foods, difference in clothing etc etc etc.

Rather then avoiding the issue of different races and cultures, if i dont teach them then others will. Be it through the medium of other people, media, movies etc...and there is no guarantee that what they will inevitably pick is going to be free from prejudices. So i have chosen to teach them myself before their minds get polluted and poisoned.

i have taught them to embrace different races and cultures and to judge people by who they are on the inside and not what is on the outside. i believe they have taken to this approach very well.

rather then hiding the differences within the human race....CELEBRATE the differences! i believe different races and cultures are beautiful! imagine if all the flowers of the world looked and smelt the same....what fun would that be

Lotus-eater

Lotus-eater wrote: »

to be being pushed into the corner and I've no doubt about to be called a racist.
.

xs11ax wrote: »

in some form or another most people are racist whether they are concious of it or not.

expecting someone to adhere to your cultural understanding of politeness is a form of racism, albeit a mild form.

I knew it

We will have to agree to disagree then. My wife is from another country, when I'm there, I'm expected to understand the feelings of people and be polite in that culture, I try, because I want to integrate and not just be that person on the outside looking in who can look down their nose at other cultures.

Now you will want to say that I'm looking down my nose at your culture, nothing could be further from the truth! Viva la difference! as you said, just learning to be more polite in the other persons culture when we are dealing with them would be a good thing. And that goes both ways.

Which is exactly where the OP came in, she wanted to know if she was doing something wrong and wanted to see if she could do it any better.

JodyBPM

Thanks everyone for the replies! I think there's loads of food for thought here.

To me, in a multi cultural country, integration is really important. My children are deliciously oblivious to racial tension, to them Johnny has ginger hair, Faith is tall and thin, Samina has a brown face, Henry has freckles etc but they are all their friends and they enjoy playing with them. Simple as that. But at some point that all seems to change for some people, and that's just so sad

To push this further, equality is not about treating all people the same, in some cases its about treating people differently and making adjustments, so that people have equality of opportunities and outcome. An example for this might be perhaps a theatre with steep steps up to the entrance. Do we say that that's OK because there no sign in the window saying "No disabled people" that we are meeting our equality responsibilites. No, of course not, we build a ramp (an adjustment) so that our friend Davey in his wheel chair can visit the theatre too. That way he has an equal opportunity to go the theatre as his able bodied friends. As it happens, Davey might not want to go to the theatre, well, that's fine! But we have removed the barriers so that he has the same opportunites as everyone else.

What I am trying to do here is find out the barriers, and work out how I need to build the ramp. I'm not going to force anyone up it, I just want to make sure it's there.

We've only got to watch the children playing together to see how integration really works! As a human being, a mother and a british citizen, I feel I have a responsibility to look for barriers and try to build thoses ramps. That is how my children will continue to enjoy the great friendships that they have now, and many others into the future, regardless of race, religion, colour, belief, disability, gender or sexual orientation.

Person_one

I think your children will grow up to lovely adults Jody, just like their mum.

workinmummy

JodyBPM wrote: »

We've only got to watch the children playing together to see how integration really works! As a human being, a mother and a british citizen, I feel I have a responsibility to look for barriers and try to build thoses ramps. That is how my children will continue to enjoy the great friendships that they have now, and many others into the future, regardless of race, religion, colour, belief, disability, gender or sexual orientation.

Fantastically well put. If we could only all think the same.

hnswst

Sorry -I came to this party a bit late. My son's class (yr 1) has Hindu, Sikh, Muslim, Jewish, Christian and 'nothing, really'. Every boy has birthday parties to which everybody goes - doesn't seem to be a problem. So I guess the message is that we shouldn't generalise

margaretclare

Person_one wrote: »

Have you never been to a Red Lion pub in Spain? Or had a full English breakfast a greasy spoon in Greece?

Every culture is guilty of it.

I couldn't let this pass - sorry.

There are still some people who've never been to Greece or Spain. To assume that everyone has, and that those who have would partake of the food described, is - a bit patronising, perhaps?

I don't even eat full English breakfast in England and would probably throw up at the thought of eating it in a hot climate. My favourite breakfasts were those in Germany.

mouche

hnswst wrote: »

Sorry -I came to this party a bit late. My son's class (yr 1) has Hindu, Sikh, Muslim, Jewish, Christian and 'nothing, really'. Every boy has birthday parties to which everybody goes - doesn't seem to be a problem. So I guess the message is that we shouldn't generalise

I'm an Indian and I agree with this so much. There are some cultural values and behaviours that *most* people from a particular region may have but in general (if you will pardon the pun), it doesn't make sense to generalise. My husband and I are both Indians from the same region in India but we have many differing habits and behaviours because of family beliefs/ traditions/ quirks. every family is different and I think the only way the OP can find out why these children didn't come to the party is to ask the parents.

Regarding the rudeness of not answering to RSVPs - at least in the milieu in which I grew up in India, it is perfectly acceptable to 'drop in' on friends without an invitation or even a phone call to tell them you're coming. This is not considered rude in any form and indeed calling ahead is considered a little rude as your hosts will feel obliged to arrange food and drink for you, wheareas if you just drop in, they don't have to go to any trouble (though many do anyway - Indians are usually very hospitable). The 'guests are always welcome' principle means that RSVPs - even if requested - are often ignored in India.

Having lived in the UK for 4 years now, I realise how bizarre this must sound to many of you but it's perfectly normal in many families in India. While I agree 'when in Rome, do as the Romans', sometimes if you are new to a country, you simply don't know about local customs and don't know anyone to ask. Or even don't know you should be asking. I am still learning things everyday - this forum is a goldmine of information! So please don't be too hard on people from other cultures who seem rude - usually they will be horrified to find the have offended you.