Different ethnicities and kids birthday parties

SugarSpun

Maybe because you invited the whole class rather than your child's best friends, MrsE, it didn't occur to you to wonder where her best friends were and why they hadn't replied?

Lotus-eater

MrsE wrote: »

I read this thread yesterday & thought it odd.

When my DD was at primary school she had McDonald's parties (very chic 15-20 years ago).
I just invited the whole class.
Didn't break them up into ethnic groups.....
They were all just children.

Didn't analyse the turn up ethnic mix either...

I don't think that's fair and trying to make the OP into something it's not.

Whether we like it or not, all non white children not turning up to a party is noticeable and I don't think it's a problem to wonder why.

At my DD's last party, the only one that didn't turn up or RSVP was a notorious troublemaker, that was noticed (and thankfully as well). But he was white, I actually had to think for a second what colours of children did turn up. If all the white children didn't turn up, that would be noticed as well.

Lotus-eater

One thing I've noticed btw, is that kids these days don't really seem to notice colour the way we did when I was at school. I think that's great.

chops22

Lotus-eater wrote: »

One thing I've noticed btw, is that kids these days don't really seem to notice colour the way we did when I was at school. I think that's great.

This is so true, my little boy has an Alana and an Alayna in his class , and I always get their names mixed up.

When he was chatting about Alayna , I asked what does she look like...and he said not the tall one, the one with the pretty face!

One was black and the other white...he did not see this tho.

seven-day-weekend

I remember something I read once about a little boy John, brought up in a poor area which was full of racial tension.

He had a best friend called Marcus, they were inseperable.

One day John came home from school crying and was inconsolable. When his parents finally get out of him what was the matter, he said that Marcus couldn't be his best friend any more.

The parents tried to find out why. Had he and Marcus had an argument, had Marcus been unkind to him, has Marcus' parents said something? No to all of these.

'So why can't he be your friend then?' said the parents in desperation.

Said John through his tears 'you never told me he was black' .:(

Small children are much less aware of racial differences, they just see John or Marcus. Somewhere along the line, the difference gets put into their head by another.

Anyway, sorry to go off-topic.

NoAngel

I remember when my best friend's Dad relalised my Dad was black (I look white). She wasn't allowed to be friends with me anymore So it's nice to know that things are maybe moving on, even if only a small amount.

OP, I don't think you'll change anything by speaking to parents and may even embarass them. I'd just continue to invite your children's friends to parties and accept that some children will not turn up. If the Asian children's parents are not actually from England, then it may be harder for them to understand the etiquette and therefore find it easier not to turn up (just like you or I might do in a foreign country).

thistledome

OP, haven't your children asked their friends why they didn't turn up to their party? I would have at that age.

Lotus-eater

I been thinking about this for a few minutes and tried to work out what would happen at our school.

My OH or I would no doubt would have a word with some parents who turned up to the party and without doubt one of them would know the answer.
Or afterwards, talk to them outside the school, or when we saw them.

Some people just know everything.

margaretclare

Things have moved on a lot, haven't they.

Growing up in the 1940s, I didn't get invited to things because my mum was an unmarried mum and there was a nasty word for children like me. I did get invited to one birthday party when I was at grammar school, the first ever. The girl who invited me was Jewish. I still remember that party, and how kind her mum was.

Lotus-eater

margaretclare wrote: »

Things have moved on a lot, haven't they.

Growing up in the 1940s, I didn't get invited to things because my mum was an unmarried mum and there was a nasty word for children like me. I did get invited to one birthday party when I was at grammar school, the first ever. The girl who invited me was Jewish. I still remember that party, and how kind her mum was.

That's terrible.

When I was young my parents knew an old Major that had served in imperial India and lectured me at length one day why the darkies should never have got self rule and what a mess they had made of it. I think I actually went purple and we had this massive blazing row as I called him such delicate names as........ you stupid old prejudiced !!!!!!, I'm glad most of you lot have died out.
Which he did, a few years later.