Different ethnicities and kids birthday parties

julie03

we have always invited whole classes to my sons birthday parties, and everytime none of the indian/muslim children have come neither have they responded to the invites,

Person_one

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Highly unlikely, considering the kids invited the other kids.

Brilliant OP btw Jody.

It's a difficult one considering there could be so many variables.

Do you know any of the parents? I would be getting to the root of it by introducing myself to a parent of one non turnup (the friendliest looking) and asking if they got the invite (not in front of the kids in case she didn't get it and something else is going on), being very apologetic I would then ask if they were worried about the food if they didn't come.
Next time put a ps on the invite, to let you know of any food requirements. W've got some vegies in my DD's class and just lay on a few different things, or sometimes the kids bring some of their own party foods with them.

I'd want to know and would find out, but then I've never been accused of being light footed around delicate subjects.

Yep, read the OP too quickly and missed some vital information, sorry!

JodyBPM

chloe99 wrote: »

Neither are they the reason that you didnt get replies saying the children couldnt come, but please know that rudeness would not have been intended but that social etiquettes in some cultures are different - in my experience, this is not related to religion, but is purely a cultural thing. For example, in Asian weddings, many hundreds of people may be invited with an RSVP card, but almost never will anyone RSVP!! To the English this may be rude (I find it rude, cant help it), but I think it does not factor in some other cultures.

Although there is part of me that was feeling it was rude, (as indeed I do with any parent that can't be bothered to reply!) my concern was actually more that the lack of response might indicate that there was something perhaps that I was doing in the invitation process that was completely turning them off, to the point they didn't even feel comfortable responding.

Lastly, I would suggest that, depending on the families you have invited, they (like us) may well feel awkward, strange, uncomfortable accepting an invitation for their children to attend something that is so very different and alien to their own culture.

If you want to involve these children in your children's home life then I would suggest that you speak to the Mums personally and invite a small number of children round for something else which is less culturally bound. Eg some kind of craft session (for girls) or whatever. But choose something that will appeal to the children and where parents of another culture will immediately understand what you have in mind.

!

Unfortunatley due to working and having two to deposit in different classrooms, I 'm generally rushing around like crazy and don't really have time to chat to the Mums too much in the mornings.
I know my DD is particularly close to one indian girl though, who she eats her lunch with every day, so I might try to catch her mum and just invite her round to play after school one day to break the ice a bit. There is a fine line though, between being inclusive and trying to force something which could be patronising. But as I say my DD is quite close to this girl, so I think that would be a great starting point.

Myrtle

I think it's lovely that you want to be more inclusive but having older kids myself, I'd say carry on as you are being your lovely self and don't worry about it.

Last year my twins invited all the girls in their class to a swimming party. The two asian children were the only ones who didn't RSVP but did turn up albeit one came with her sister (who expected to be able to swim with her) and the other came half-way through, lost all her clothes :eek: and left her mobile with me so I could act as her answering machine :eek: :rotfl:

I just think there are many cultural differences

Myrtle

JodyBPM wrote: »

Unfortunatley due to working and having two to deposit in different classrooms, I 'm generally rushing around like crazy and don't really have time to chat to the Mums too much in the mornings.
I know my DD is particularly close to one indian girl though, who she eats her lunch with every day, so I might try to catch her mum and just invite her round to play after school one day to break the ice a bit. There is a fine line though, between being inclusive and trying to force something which could be patronising. But as I say my DD is quite close to this girl, so I think that would be a great starting point.

Cross-posted, but that sounds a good plan

DVardysShadow

Maybe the Muslims and the Hindus are apprehensive about having their kids in the company of each other?

Person_one

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Maybe the Muslims and the Hindus are apprehensive about having their kids in the company of each other?

Well they go to school together everyday...

smartpicture

I work with a Pakistani muslim guy, and we always celebrate birthdays in the office by buying cream cakes. Although he joins in, he has told me recently that he finds this a very strange custom and it makes him a bit uncomfortable. He says they don't celebrate birthdays, as this would be seen as celebrating a year nearer to death. In fact, he's not even sure which day he was born, as his birth certificate and passport both show the day his birth was registered rather than the date he was born.

He's only lived in this country 3 years though, so that may be different.

When we have our Christmas meal, he is happy to join in with this but always chooses the vegetarian option to be on the safe side, so food may be an issue - it's a lot harder to control food at a party of young children.

ellas9602

sorry not much use just my recent experience. My DD (she's 14 so really quite differnt) had a sleepover only last week. Her best friend is muslim, they're really close and go evrywhere together. This girl wasn't allowed to come to the party. Her father wouldn't allow her stating it's because we are not muslim. She did all kinds of chores to try to get him to change his mind but he wouldn't budge. I felt very sad for my DD and her lovely friend

mumps

We live in a predominantly white area but two asian children did come to my grandsons party recently. I don't know if my DDIL received a reply to the invite. They are 5 year olds in reception. Going back 30 years to when my DS was in primary he had lots of Muslim boys at parties, we lived in a very mixed area then. Don't know why you didn't get a better response but I do hope you can get it sorted for next year.