Different ethnicities and kids birthday parties

Felicity

ellas9602 wrote: »

sorry not much use just my recent experience. My DD (she's 14 so really quite differnt) had a sleepover only last week. Her best friend is muslim, they're really close and go evrywhere together. This girl wasn't allowed to come to the party. Her father wouldn't allow her stating it's because we are not muslim. She did all kinds of chores to try to get him to change his mind but he wouldn't budge. I felt very sad for my DD and her lovely friend

That is so sad.

newcook

regardless if the muslim/pakistani children didnt attend because of cultural difference I think its extremely rude that they didnt rsvp!!

what if you had booked something that was based on per child such as a party at a wacky warehouse?!! that would have been a complete waste of about £30!!

unfortunately some people just lack basic manners - regardless of their religion or culture.

*Louise*

ellas9602 wrote: »

sorry not much use just my recent experience. My DD (she's 14 so really quite differnt) had a sleepover only last week. Her best friend is muslim, they're really close and go evrywhere together. This girl wasn't allowed to come to the party. Her father wouldn't allow her stating it's because we are not muslim. She did all kinds of chores to try to get him to change his mind but he wouldn't budge. I felt very sad for my DD and her lovely friend

That sort of thing always makes me wonder....if you turn it about and you hadn't let your daughter stay at theirs becuase 'they weren't christians' (or whatever) you would be classed as racist. I relly feel sorry for your DD's friend


OP - I can only imagine the food or the fact you aren't of the same religion can have been a major factor. Speak to the teacher, she might have more of an idea. Failing that, next time hand the invites to the children's mothers, that way you can ask about dietary requirements, etc.

miss_independent

Hi my dad is muslim although I'm a christian but all the muslims we know celebrate birthdays and go to parties. My dad has to be very careful about pork though and its not just a case of not being able to eat it but also anything that may have touched pork. So if ham sandwiches were touching cheese sandwiches then the cheese ones would be out also. If a pair of serving tongs were used for both sausages and veggie samosas or something he couldn't eat either. If an egg is fried in the same pan as bacon etc etc, you get the picture!

As a kid we had hindus at our parties too so I can't imagine that it is because of religion. Do you know if it could have been during Ramadan? Perhaps the parents didn't want the children to be "celebrating" during Ramadan (think of it like Lent for traditional catholics). As for the music, dancing etc I don't myself know any muslims (including my dad's huge family) who don't listen to music or are offended by children's party dancing.

All I can say is next time on the invite write "Vegetarian food available" and RSVP essential. Perhaps try building up a better relationship with the parents too? I know my dad was very protective of me and when I was little my mum usually came to parties with me.

As a teenager, I had a good friend who was Jewish and whilst round at her house it somehow came up that my dad was muslim, her parents seemed shocked that I was allowed to be friends with her. I remember my friend asking her parents if I could stay the night and they said they would love to have me but out of respect for my dad perhaps if wasn't wise. I stood there baffled! They explained that what with the situation in the middle east my dad might not want me staying with a jewish family! I laughed and said, "Well, mum and I are christians and that doesn't bother him." When my dad came to pick me up they introduced themselves and said "I hope you don't mind Claire being friends with your daughter. With us being Jewish and the situation in the Middle East." My Dad looked really confused, totally didn't get it. I said, "Dad, they think because you are Muslim you wouldn't want me to be friends with anyone Jewish." My dad laughed and said he would never stop me being friends with anyone from any race or religion and said, at the end of the day, we don't live in the Middle East (my dad isn't even FROM the Middle East!) and maybe more muslim and jewish kids need to make friends over there too and the situation would be resolved. Its only years later that I realised how awful my dad must have felt standing on that door step. And sadly, that perhaps it was my friend's parents who didn't want THEIR child mixing with the daughter of a muslim.

My dad didn't like me sleeping over at peoples houses though. If there were teenage boys there, I was not allowed to sleep over (this is when I was a teenager). As a kid I didn't know but I now realise that it was nothing to do with him being muslim, he was just concerned that you don't know who could be out there. I actually went to school with a girl whose dad and mum were !!!!!philes and went to jail when I was about 15 so I can see that right there I had a lucky escape. The excuse I was TOLD to use was, "Sorry if there will be boys there I can't sleep over, my dad is Muslim and really strict." Now, I don't know why the muslim bit had to be put in? I could have just said, my dad is strict! I think my mum just thought it sounded better than saying, "You might be a !!!!!phile."


BTW, my dad worked with abused kids for years and saw a little girl who had twins aged 10 so that is why he was so protective of me!

Caroline73_2

Don't write RSVP - many people who don't have English (or French) as a first language probably don't know what it means.

JustaNewbie_2

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Maybe the Muslims and the Hindus are apprehensive about having their kids in the company of each other?

What an odd post. What are they going to do, gun down each other? :think:

OP I am a Muslim and I do allow my children to attend parties and we have birthday parties too. However because we eat only halal they are vegetarians when they are at parties, I don't make an issue of it or inform the hosts about dietary requirements but I just let my child/ren know what they can and shouldn't eat. Some Muslims don't celebrate or attend birthday parties, maybe some of your children's friends are from families like that, but it's improbable that all your children's Asian friends are. I would do what others have suggested and have a casual chat with a parent to see if you could suss things out.

To the poster who said that her friend's daughter couldn't attend the sleepover, I am very sure that it's not because you are not Muslim but because they are. I wouldn't send my daughters for a sleepover at a friend's, whether Muslim or not. It's hard to explain cultural differences, it's not considered respectable to let a girl stay over at a non-related person's house. That is all, nothing racist about it.

JustaNewbie_2

Oh also, all of my non-Muslim school friends back home weren't allowed to stay over either. It just wasn't something that was/is done.

xs11ax

hi all

im a asian muslim. i have grown up in both english and asian areas and had friends from both ethnicities and took part in the particular customs of both.

for asians birthday parties are not really that big a deal. it is not a widely practiced custom in the indo/pak. whatever little custom of birthday parties there is in the indo/pak has trickled down from the west.

at the most, on a childs birthday the immediate family may wish him a happy birthday and them a toy or give a bit of money. as for the adults there is almost no birthday celebration for them at all.

today in the UK some ethnic asians celebrate birtdays but they are in a very small minority and it is almost always a small family affair.

dont be offended that you did not get a reply. like i said, asians do not see it as a big deal.

my birthday is coming up soon and chances are that if i am busy i may not even realise that its my birthday.

terf

How odd? I'm a Pakistani Muslim and we've always had big birthday celebrations. As a kid I went to the birthdays I was invited to (Black, white, Asian, other...). I found quite a few cultural generalisations being made in some of the posts (not yours OP) - it's better not to hypothesise when you aren't overtly familiar with the culture yourself. There could be many reasons and rather than posting on this forum it may have been better to approach the parents in question at the school gates and just enquire politely why their kids didn't make it? Just a suggestion...

Lotus-eater

xs11ax wrote: »

hi all

im a asian muslim. i have grown up in both english and asian areas and had friends from both ethnicities and took part in the particular customs of both.

for asians birthday parties are not really that big a deal. it is not a widely practiced custom in the indo/pak. whatever little custom of birthday parties there is in the indo/pak has trickled down from the west.

at the most, on a childs birthday the immediate family may wish him a happy birthday and them a toy or give a bit of money. as for the adults there is almost no birthday celebration for them at all.

today in the UK some ethnic asians celebrate birtdays but they are in a very small minority and it is almost always a small family affair.

dont be offended that you did not get a reply. like i said, asians do not see it as a big deal.

my birthday is coming up soon and chances are that if i am busy i may not even realise that its my birthday.

Ahh, tell us when it is and we'll all wish you happy birthday on the day.

I didn't know the above you have written, but I understand it. What I don't understand though, is if say I went to live in another country, I would pick up the little social things that went on, although for example I might think siestas in the middle of the day a silly thing to do, I would understand that everyone else did them and not expect the shops to be open at that time. A bad example, but you get the idea.

So while I get Asians don't see it as a big deal, surely they would have had enough White British Christian (don't know how else to put this in case I've offended someone somehow) customs rubbed off onto them, to realise a reply saying they are not coming is polite?

I don't know, I'm honestly interested