£100,000 Debt "club"

Chrismojam

Debtomaniak wrote:

Thank you, no money can ever buy the genuine support that I have received here, thank you. I noticed that after chatting here last night I had a much better day at work. So thank you to you all....:D

Glad to hear it hun.......you take care now (both of you)..........you will get there...whatever you decide is the best way for you;)

Debtomaniak

lynsayjane wrote:

just thinkin hun, is there nay way you can sneakily save moeny? is it usually you that does the food shopping cooking etc? can you sneak in own brand foods when he's not looking? maybe change the gas/electric/phone and slip it into the conversation.

it'd be helping so you feel better, but since your not openly discussing doing it to save money he can't get upset with you.

btw i'm not saying lie to him, just don't tell him everything...theres a BIG difference in my eyes

We do our shopping at Lidl. Buy only what we really need, have been naughty buying wine for weekends though. I would love to shop around for utility bills, have asked my H to let me do that, but he always came up with some excuse not to let me do that. I do not know why. Well, as you can probably tell, he kept a lot of financial info to himself. I did ask him to sit down with me and go through all of the bills and even his brother told him to do that, but he said to me some time ago, that in his previous relationship, he was very much under the tight controll of his ex and doesn't want the same happening again. I usually just give him about £400-500 per month for the bills and I buy most of the food. My mum and brother depend on me financially, so I send them £120.00 per month as well. And the rest usually goes to my college books or tutor or any other unexpected expenses.

Debtomaniak

Chrismojam wrote:

Oh I feel old now! and I'm pretty sure i'm not old enough to be your mum:p Only kidding, I have a very old head on 'not that young any more' shoulders!

He's made a good first step in admitting the sh*t you are in....that's good so far.........baby steps.......can't get rid of that much debt that quick! I know it's old hat but the story about the tortoise and the hare is very true...slow and steady wins the race..............whatever you both decide is the best way to get out of this debt.........my thoughts are with you.......best of luck:D

Sorry did not mean to say old, but straglled to find a better word. Thank you for your kindness.

Debtomaniak

Justindebt wrote:

First up, Debtmaniak, do not ever tell him you will leave him if you are not really up for it.

I'll tell you why.

Mrs. J said to me , on various occasions, that if she ever found out about more debts she would leave me.

And that is why I was afraid to come clean.

Since she found out she has had good days and bad days.

On one of the bad days I told her to "love me or leave me".

I told her we could sell the house and she could walk away eith her half, which is a quite considerale sum, plus our savings which amount to circa 40K.

She has a good job and could make a fresh start free from a !!!!!! like me.

She decided to stick with me.....(the fool...:rotfl: )

Right now she is sat out the back garden having a glass of wine and I am going back down in a minute to join her.

We are moving on and we are moving forward together.

Babe....you need to ask yourself do you love that man enough to sort that out.

I suspect the answer is "yes".

So go right now and tell him you are sticking by him and remove any threats of leaving him.

Trust me, that's what he needs to hear.

Now, I sent you a PM last night asking if you wanted my number.

I would be more than willing to talk to both you and your husband about your problems and maybe I could be of some help to him in coming to terms with things.

I am in the same place as you.

Believe me, this is solvable and you marriage is salvagable.

God bless you both.

Thank you. You sound like such a lovely man. I am so pleased your wife is staying by your side, she is a lovely lady too. I do love my H and told him so many times, that even if we ended up in the street we would be together. I did not marry his house or his fancy job. I married him and as long as he loves me that is all I care about.
I really do appreciate your kind offer, but being as he does not know I am writing all this here and I have no idea how he would react to it if I told him, I am too scared to do more damage by telling him right now. I think I shall defenetely tell him, ones he admits to himself, he has no choice but to get off his bum and deal with it. Thank you so much, it really means a lot to me. Thanks god for this website...

Chrismojam

Debtomaniak wrote:

Sorry did not mean to say old, but straglled to find a better word. Thank you for your kindness.

Oh don't be daft hun...I was only kidding........the realisation has set in that I have always been 'old in the head'....I need to find my youth!!:p

I am sure you can both get through this......so long as he comes round to trying to deal with it....you will both get through it........what is not fair is you trying to deal with it on your own......so long as you know he is at least trying/willing to try and sort things out...you will do it...I am sure........;)

Justindebt

I understand, Debtomaniak.

But don't forget I am no more than a mouse click and a phone call away if either you or him needs to talk to someone who knows exactly what is going on in your lives right now.

He is a lucky man to have such a caring woman by his side.

How did he get into this trouble....gambling, like me?

lynsayjane

i presume the utilities are in his name then? perhaps if you mention it agian and he says about his ex, point out thats the situation he is putting you in, it shouldnt be a case of one boss or the other but a joint partnership.

i understand giving him space to sor this head out darling, but i fear that given too much space his debts will only increase and spiral out of control. it's difficult to deal with till he has his lightbulb moment. perhaps sticking the tv on one night when martins gonna be on some debt program in a 'oooh look this guy seems to know what eh's talking about. a website? maybe we should have a look?'

men are not wise creatures, they need to be subtley pointed in the right direction by the good woman in their lives (please dont all rush to rip my head off at once guys!)

Justindebt

Yo, lynsayjane, I would take offence at that sexist remark and report you to the authorities hereabouts.

If I didn't think you are 100% accurate, that is

Chrismojam

lynsayjane wrote:

...men are not wise creatures, they need to be subtley pointed in the right direction by the good woman in their lives (please dont all rush to rip my head off at once guys!)

I know what you mean Lyns.......im my experience...I try to find solutions to things...OH find distractions:o But like you say, subtle does it......they come around in the end:p

Justindebt

Women.....harrumph.....:p