£100,000 Debt "club"

Debtomaniak

hbl wrote:

I think money and emotion are inextricably linked! It's a cliche that money can't buy you love, but it can make you bloody miserable.

I'm 26 and I have £32,000 in the red next to my name. It used to make my stomach flip at the thought of it, but I sat down, did some long sums and worked out that it's not so bad, and £400-£500 per month repayments will see shot of it in 5 years.

Better than having my student loan be just another tax coming out of my paycheck for the next 25 years.

I am very pleased for you. You sound like you are very wise person. All the best.

Debtomaniak

bikerqueen wrote:

no point remortgaging and moving until he realises he cant keep spending, or you'll find yourself in the same position with no way out.

We are not thinking about remortgaging and he is not spending, he has nothing to spend, he is on benefits since last month. He is trying his best to get a job, siting on internet applying. Had few interviews, but unsucsessful so far.

Debtomaniak

wannabedebtfree wrote:

I think its really hard for the partner who has got themselves in debt to admit it to the other, I know they say a problem halved is a problem shared, but I was under enough stress without putting him through it too, my debt is considerably less than your OH's, but he probably feels/felt the same way I did, which was "I can cope with this on my own" & "I don't want this to cause arguments" & "I'm supposed to be th breadwinner/budgeter and I've let him down" (I've worked for the past 4 years, which is when my debt started, he's been the househusband/child carer) so give him time, say you want to help, and set and agree a plan of action, it will be hard if he is grieving, but it needs to be done.

*HUGS*

xx

Thank you very much. Today for the first time he said to me - "I have got us into such a deep s---t" and the look on his face.... I do say to him there is no need to blame yourself, what done is done and we need to look into the future and be positive, but suppose in a way it is like saying to an alcoholic -"do not worry, just do not drink and you will be fine". I think he needs to deal with it himself first and only then I can be of any help. Just thinking loud now. It helps to talk to people, helps to me anyway.
Thank you and all reading this.

kickingkay

Hi hun, how are you feeling today you have had a break through with hubby, i see thats great gently, gently as they say, keep your chin up
lots of love klare x

lynsayjane

just thinkin hun, is there nay way you can sneakily save moeny? is it usually you that does the food shopping cooking etc? can you sneak in own brand foods when he's not looking? maybe change the gas/electric/phone and slip it into the conversation.

it'd be helping so you feel better, but since your not openly discussing doing it to save money he can't get upset with you.

btw i'm not saying lie to him, just don't tell him everything...theres a BIG difference in my eyes

Chrismojam

Debtomaniak wrote:

Thanks so much, it feels like I am "talking" to my very good old friends and we do not even know each other.................. Thank you for your advice, I think that is probably what my mum would have said to me if she knew about the problem. Think I might just back off a bit and let him come to me, rather then keep pushing him.
Thank you

Oh I feel old now! and I'm pretty sure i'm not old enough to be your mum:p Only kidding, I have a very old head on 'not that young any more' shoulders!

He's made a good first step in admitting the sh*t you are in....that's good so far.........baby steps.......can't get rid of that much debt that quick! I know it's old hat but the story about the tortoise and the hare is very true...slow and steady wins the race..............whatever you both decide is the best way to get out of this debt.........my thoughts are with you.......best of luck:D

Chrismojam

lynsayjane wrote:

just thinkin hun, is there nay way you can sneakily save moeny? is it usually you that does the food shopping cooking etc? can you sneak in own brand foods when he's not looking? maybe change the gas/electric/phone and slip it into the conversation.

it'd be helping so you feel better, but since your not openly discussing doing it to save money he can't get upset with you.

btw i'm not saying lie to him, just don't tell him everything...theres a BIG difference in my eyes

Yep, I'd do this aswell..........my bills are 'pretty' low as they are but I am sure I can do more.........just have to get out of my little procratination habit:o

Justindebt

Debtomaniak wrote:

Hi,
Just wondering being as you are in sort of same situation as my H and myself, could you please be so kind and perhaps advice me on how to make my H to open his eyes and start acting. Should I put presure on him or shall I wait till he "gets there"? If you could kindly express your opinion, because you must know better how it feels. Every time I try to mention the debt problem/solution he walks off. It starts to drive me mad, but ......

First up, Debtmaniak, do not ever tell him you will leave him if you are not really up for it.

I'll tell you why.

Mrs. J said to me , on various occasions, that if she ever found out about more debts she would leave me.

And that is why I was afraid to come clean.

Since she found out she has had good days and bad days.

On one of the bad days I told her to "love me or leave me".

I told her we could sell the house and she could walk away eith her half, which is a quite considerale sum, plus our savings which amount to circa 40K.

She has a good job and could make a fresh start free from a !!!!!! like me.

She decided to stick with me.....(the fool...:rotfl: )

Right now she is sat out the back garden having a glass of wine and I am going back down in a minute to join her.

We are moving on and we are moving forward together.

Babe....you need to ask yourself do you love that man enough to sort that out.

I suspect the answer is "yes".

So go right now and tell him you are sticking by him and remove any threats of leaving him.

Trust me, that's what he needs to hear.

Now, I sent you a PM last night asking if you wanted my number.

I would be more than willing to talk to both you and your husband about your problems and maybe I could be of some help to him in coming to terms with things.

I am in the same place as you.

Believe me, this is solvable and you marriage is salvagable.

God bless you both.

Debtomaniak

kickingkay wrote:

Hi hun, how are you feeling today you have had a break through with hubby, i see thats great gently, gently as they say, keep your chin up
lots of love klare x

Thank you, no money can ever buy the genuine support that I have received here, thank you. I noticed that after chatting here last night I had a much better day at work. So thank you to you all....:D

Chrismojam

Justindebt wrote:

First up, Debtmaniak, do not ever tell him you will leave him if you are not really up for it.....I'll tell you why...........

I agree with Justindebt..........he needs your support more than anything at the mo......

Of course there may come a time when support may not be enough..........but let's hope that day never comes.......best wishes;)