Great 'Best Cold Caller Rebukes' Hunt

gropinginthedark

My call rate dropped from a major pain to a mere 1 a week average. Probably higher 'cos I live in an affluent postcode.

The TPS can fine up to £5k for each call to persons registered with TPS and the offender can go to jail. They have NEVER used that power. If they did in respect of the calls I still get, Govt would benefit by a quarter million quid a year. Why not hand the task to the guys who get us for minior traffic offences.

Defenders say "what's the problem, all you have to do is put the phone down". One problem is I used to work shifts and didn't much appreciate being woken. Another is I got a phone for the convenience of my friends and family getting in touch so I will stop what I'm doing and answer...

Solutions:
1. A telecom provider who operated a black-list, no calls from number witheld or blacklisted numbers (btw to get round blocking of "number withheld" calls the spammers are able to use fake "genuine" CLI numbers) would get my business
2. Enforcement of the TPS - needs a change of government to one that places the wishes of PEOPLE above those of businesses - but as party funding comes from business, no chance. Ever.
3. Can I take the caller to county court and claim £50 for disturbance?
4. Anything in human rights legislation that says I'm entitled to enjoy my privacy undisturbed?
5. Can I get a premium rate number for home use and ditch the normal number? Friends and family can bear 10p for the first minute and I can call them back on my free UK calls telecoms package - or use Skype/SIP
6. Doesn't work for me but some people send all calls to answerphone with the ringer off - then harvest any useful ones.
7. I've never had any junk calls on my second line but if I explained how that works I guess the spammers would spot the missed opportunity.

digitig

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

That's a bit harsh to compare the two...

Not comparing the two, just pointing out why "I was doing it for money" isn't an adequate moral response.

immortaljaz

Can't believe no one has hit on this yet - after my cousin told me he tries to sell stuff to cold-callers I've never stopped! It's a giggle, nobody is being rude and they tend to hang up. Makes the best out of annoying situation.

Eg.

Hello is _ there?
Speaking
[Insert spiel about something I really don't want]
Look, off the record here, I'm pretty glad you called. Got some brand new [state of the art technology or desirable item] for a bargain price. It's a bit hot at the moment - why don't you call back in a couple of days if you're interested.
I'm just calling for-
I know what you're calling for, but I've got a living to make too - now what do you say?
They usually hang up, and if they call back I just try and sell them something else. So far I've tried holidays, houses, DVDs, mobile phones etc etc

Obv. I would never steal or sell stolen property, but it is a giggle :j

Hooda_Thunkit

I am astonished at some of the drivel I have read here!
These are people who are trying to earn a living - why be so ratty/childish/objectionable to them? You say you get annoyed by their calls? Think how these poor devils feel at your childish antics! You get a call occasionally, they probably make a few hundred calls a day, and get snubbed by 99% of those they call - so think how they feel!
Try simply saying firmly but politely "I'm sorry, I'm not interested" and hang up the phone immediately.
That saves you wasting time on your childish and pointless pantomime act, and gets you off the phone and back to what you were so annoyed at being interrupted at in the first place!

digitig

Hooda_Thunkit wrote: »

Try simply saying firmly but politely "I'm sorry, I'm not interested" and hang up the phone immediately.

And when they reply "we'll never f****** stop calling you, and there's nothing you can f****** do about it. Remember I have your phone number and address", as one double-glazing cold-caller said when I politely said that I wasn't interested and asked to be removed from the calling list?

I don't spend my time at home sitting next to the phone. Answering the phone isn't just a question of picking it up, it's significantly disruptime. If it's a call from a friend or important business then I don't mind that disruption. If it's somebody wasting my time and effort trying to sell me something I don't want (if I wanted it I'd be making the call) then I resent it. I miss the denoument of the mystery I've been watching on TV, my train of thought on my college assignment is interrupted and it takes me 20 minutes to half-an-hour to get back on track, and all because my time doesn't matter to their profits. Sorry, but you can try to justify any abusive practice with "just trying to earn a living" but it just doesn't wash.

Baaaaaaa

Just like to mention that the TPS is NOT a law. It forms part of a guideline that ligitimate tele-sales will take notice off. Less honourable tele-sales and forign ones take no notice what-so-ever of it - and this is breaking no UK laws.

You dont have to get angry/insulting with these people. Just say "No thank you", and hang up. Simples.

Alternatively, get an answer machice and only pick up when you know its a valid call. Most tele-sales calls dont even get passed to an human/operator unless they detect a voice.

digitig

Baaaaaaa wrote: »

Just like to mention that the TPS is NOT a law. It forms part of a guideline that ligitimate tele-sales will take notice off. Less honourable tele-sales and forign ones take no notice what-so-ever of it - and this is breaking no UK laws.

That contradicts what the TPS website says -- "It is the official central opt out register on which you can record your preference not to receive unsolicited sales or marketing calls. It is a legal requirement that all organisations (including charities, voluntary organisations and political parties) do not make such calls to numbers registered on the TPS unless they have your consent to do so." (my emphasis).

dangerouslyturquoise

If I'm not busy, I like to waste their time. These marketing techniques only work because uninterested people hang up quickly. Our time is cheap, because they don't have to pay for it. If we all waste as much of their time as possible, it will cost them more in time per sale, and mess up their marketing budgets.

Most of these people are not allowed to hang up, no matter how weird the conversation gets.

At it's simplest, you can keep a goon on the phone by giving a nonsense answer to every question. I kept someone on the phone for 5 minutes by answering "treehouse" to every question, and only beginning to make sense whenever it sounded like they were about to hang up.

Or, if you are committed, you can go for the painfully hard conversation. I once had a caller telling me I had qualified for a holiday to Florida. I knew at some point they were going to hit me up for a credit card number, but delayed that point for as long as possible:

• First Tactic - delay even talking about the offer for as long as possible. Just kept talking about how excited I was to take my family to Florida. "Oh, I could bring my gran, too" "...and my aunt".
• Second Tactic - Keep interrupting their questions with statements like "Oh no! What will I do about my dog? Do you think I'll be able to find a dog sitter" or "I've always wanted to meet Mickey Mouse (at which point break into the M-I-C-K-E-Y song in full)
• Third Tactic - Keep asking questions about the offer. Very weird/stupid questions like "Will I be able to see the moon from my room?" or "Do they have dustbins in Florida? Where will I put my rubbish". Make sure to ramble on, faking anxiety, and making them pacify you before they can re-ask their question
• Fourth Tactic - when finally answering a question, speak gibberish, mumble or make words up
• Tactic Five - get them to read every thing back to you to check the spelling. Correct the spelling for them (e.g. "No, with three Ls - it's an old Irish name"). Once they correct the spelling, get them to read it back again. Tell them they got it wrong yet again. Correct again. Rinse and repeat for as long as you sense their patience is holding out.
• Tactic Six - Eventually it will come to the bit where they require payment. You need a pen and paper for this bit. Make up a bank, card numbers and expiration dates as you go along, BUT WRITE THEM DOWN AT YOUR END... I usually like to throw in some letters as well as digits, and make the number absurdly short, or ridiculously long... when the payment refuses to go through, act surprised, and insist that they try it again. If questioned on the strange numbers, state things like "they are a new bank in this country" or "it's one of the new Chip and PIN/RFID cards that they have just issued in the UK... (opportunity for a time-consuming pointless ramble about the state of the British Banking market to kill more time). But here's the good bit; when they ask you to confirm the card number and details - you have it written down and can repeat it exactly the same each time (I once got caught out by a vigilant supervisor who spotted I was giving a completely different credit card number each time)
• Tactic Seven - once one card fails, make up yet another one. Rinse and repeat.

After all that, my best time is only 15 minutes. Can you do better?

snottyotty

This has worked 3 times so far when I get calls from ???? (dialing 1471 brings up a 4 figure number.)

Caller: "good day mr ****, how are you today?"
me: "I was ok until now, who are you?"
Caller:" My name is" (gives English name whilst speaking with a strong Asian accent)
Me: Ok what are you trying to sell me?"
Caller: Pause..... "I am not trying to sell you anything."
Me: " then why are you calling me? the only people who call me are people I know or people trying to sell me something, as I don't know you you must be trying to sell me something, oh and how did you get my number, as I am ex-directory I can only assume you have got it using illegal means, so what was your name and address again? (I never let them get a word in during this bit)
Caller: Pause.......... CLICK! end of conversation
Hope this helps.:laugh:

katimmer

The "penguin" technique...

I used this for several months, and now very rarely get any cold callers - basically as soon as you hear that pause while the caller picks up the line, you know that whatever they say, your answer has to be "penguin"

This causes much confusion, and hillarity - keep yourself from giggling, and just keep repeating that word.
you can then see how many penguins get rid of the caller. Foreign callers usually last only one or two penguins, but I had one persistant british chap keep repeating his sales patter no matter what - he then got his supervisor on the line, she also got the penguin treatment, and passed the phone back to the poor lad who started his patter all over again. eventually I had to hang up because I couldn't keep my face streight.
I like to think a little bit of weirdness cheers people up, or at least gives them a strange view of our country - and after all, they are just people trying to earn some money - the company's they work for however....