Great 'Best Cold Caller Rebukes' Hunt

Esqui

Not sure if it's been posted, but I did read recently (maybe on MLIA) this exchange from Canada:

Caller: Hello, I'm calling from the bank of Canada*
Person: Excusez-moi, je ne parle pas anglais
Caller: Ah, d'accord. Je suis de la banque de Canade.
Person: Sorry, I don't speak French
Caller: Um... *hangs up*

Also, one good one I had a while back ended thusly
Caller: Hello, I'm calling from Coldcall Telecom. We want to save you money on your phone. May I ask if you are on a Pay As You Go or Pay Monthly contract?
Me: I'm on PAYG
Caller: Excellent, I will be able to save you money. How much do you spend on average per month?
Me: About £5 per month.
Caller: Oh, OK...we don't have anything then *hangs up*
*not actually the Bank of Canada, can't remember who

Talent

Just say 'hang on there's someone at the door' and leave the phone off the hook.

yorkshireman99_2

One response has worked for us every time. Just say 'For security purposes I am recording this call'. The caller ALWAYS puts the phone down. Yes, we do have a recorder from the days we were plagued by malicious calls. It is normally switched off but can be turned on instantly when this sort of call arrives.

metropolis

Just say in your clearest posh English accent, "I'm sorry I dont speak English". It confuses the hell out of them. It works with street surveys too

NeverInDebt

Just play this on end of phone that will make them run away

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0

bestyman

Orlaith85 wrote: »

Why does everyone get so annoyed at getting calls?

1. They are breaking the law, would you get annoyed if you got burgled every week.

2. As I am self employed and often working or driving when they call they cause me lost productivity and interupt my work.

3. My landline was untill recently diverted to my mobile at a cost of 18p a minute, I recieve on average 3 calls a day...call it £200 a year loss to me.


Usefull links to report callers, depending on the type of call ( some for silent or automated messages)
http://www.ofcom.org.uk/complain/landline/silent/?itemid=284827
http://www.ico.gov.uk/what_we_cover/privacy_and_electronic_communications.aspx
http://complaints.tpsonline.org.uk/Consumer/

I would imagine it would be funny, no hillarious, if you used the 3 way calling function ( iphone has this) to connect two cold callers together ( having previously stored their numbers ) and hear them both trying to sell google adwords to each other

hayburnman

I'm now with the TPS which is a shame because I used to amuse myself. One type of call that used to wind me up was where they'd say it was a survey to see if I was paying too much for my mortgage. i asked the guy who had commissioned the survey, where the survey was going to be published and what conclusions were they expecting to reach from the survey. As you can imagine he had no idea what to say. If it was a fitted kitchen I would ask them if they had one themselves and if not, why not?

Marty999

I registered with TPS a few years back and I find it very effective. But for the few stray calls that do get through, I usually just say 'no thank you' and hang up, or pretend that I work in the same industry as them so they realise there is no point wasting anyone's time.

schubertdog

Reverse the roles..

cold caller: Hello is that Schubertdog
me: Hi this is Schubertdog from Never last double glazing co. we have installers in your area and are currently offering 50% discount off installation of our award winning Upvc windows and conservatories as an incentive to keep our installation team busy during the winter/spring etc months, are you considering any home improvements such as replacement double glazing, conservatory, external doors, upvc soffits & fascias, greenhouse, ornamental pond... etc

just remember not to pause for breath just like they seem to do.

Annie_Other

These people are just doing a job so maybe we need to put pressure on their bosses to get them out of call centres and into all the empty shops to sell the old fashioned way.
:beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer: