Ok, it starts here

williamD1964

Irony is a wonderful thing. I was brought up a christian, my wife a methodist. My children attend a catholic school, but I am an agnostic!
I know I will get through this, but in what state will I come out the other end. Worst case scenario, I lose everything but I am doing my best not to dwell on it. Can't take sleeping tablets, would effect my job. Not hitting the bottle either. Think that would make the knot even worse.

Life sucks.

micron_2

William, you sure will get through this. You are stronger than you think. Look at how much you have achieved and turned things round so positively over the past year. Over 5 years ago I worked in the legal department at LUL Head Office for over 15 years and you have rights no matter what may have happened and procedures have to be followed so I doubt you will lose your job if this is the first time you have done something wrong. I know you are thinking the worse but it obviously wasn't something that gave cause for instant dismissal so have hope that it can be sorted out. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it. Having kept a track of your thread for over a year now I know you'll get through this and will bounce right back. Sending you lots of positivity.

williamD1964

the way the company is working at the moment, a minor infraction is being blown up into gross misconduct allegedly. Things that were let go a year ago are now being followed through to the hilt. The company got rid of 1200 positions. Some went through natural wastage, some went through voluntary severance, but has at least 800 surplus staff they need to shed. The easiest way for them to do it is to look for targets. Unfortunately, I feel I may be a target. I hardly have kept my anger and disgust at the way management have treated staff, and long serving staff at that. I have tried to pull my head in but its difficult when you see all that has happened and all that is happening. Micron, I appreciate your thoughts and positivity. Do you still work for the company?

micron_2

I no longer work for them. I happily took voluntary severance over 5 years ago but I still keep in contact with colleagues in the legal department.

williamD1964

and there you have it in a nutshell!!!! As I said, I wish I had qualifications or a trade so that I could have an option other that joining the great and the good on the dole queue. Now that is scary. I have had 5 days unemployment in the 31 years I have been eligible to work. 27 years at the LUL. Only qualifications are 2 cse's and a nvq!

savingwannabe

I am certain this will count in your favour. Are you doing anything today to take your mind away from this?

Firewalker

Good day William. Sorry to hear you have been having trouble at work. However, as the others have said, do what you can to solve it but do not fear - fear is only in the way; it clouds your judgement and does not change a thing. So is generally not helpful...

As to wishing that you had qualifications - from what I know of you, you are extreemly resourceful person. Sometimes the Universe sends us messages in very interesting ways; think about what it is saying? It might be time to move seriously on the things that you have been thinking about.

Hope you know soon and that the result is the one you really want; would have said that I'll be praying for you but you know that I am agnostic as well. So I am sending a wish to the Universe for you.

Being clean for a year is the thing to cpncentrate on - you can do anything you want; including resist addiction.

Firewalker

chevalier

what can I say. I have taken the last couple of days to read your diary from the start. You have it hard at the moment and you have my sympathies.

BUT WELL DONE on being a year clean. That is SUCH an achievement

Ref the money. I guess you have gone through all the bills with a fine tooth comb already, checking you have the cheapest providers. But if you did it a year ago maybe it is time for another check.

With the not telling your wife. this is really adding to your stress. I don't know whether telling a partial truth would add or subtract from this, but here is a thought.

You could say that you have got into (some) debt because the price of everything has gone up these two years and your wages haven't. This being the case you now need some help to pay the debts back. and therefore you would love for her to work. Even if it was only freelance it would help enormously.

By the way could she earn enough full time that you could be a house husband?

What about taking one of the redundancy packages as a way of doing this. With 27 years in you would get one fairly big payout. then she could work (which is what she wants isn't it) you could be debt free (if the payout was enough), and you could look after the kids full time, and maybe retrain
chev

williamD1964

I have tried to be calculating and cold regarding the situation I find myself in. I have sought council from colleagues and close associates. Most feel I am being overly sensitive and over reacting to the situation. A few have stressed that I could be in trouble because of the political climate. A few have said that in my defence, I could claim victimisation, because what I did was a common practice, known of by management but not have done nothing until this situation arose. Others have stated that I have 27 years under my belt, I can call on that. So, basically I am still feeling sick, anxious and bloody awful. I have always prepared for the worst, because when it happens you are ready for it and if it doesnt it's a bonus. So with this in mind, I have started researching house prices in my area, and looking at finances. God forbid, if the house has to be sold, I would be looking for enough to clear the mortgage, debts and leave about 10k left. Of course, work prospects are minimal. My qualifications are limited and at 47 I have little chance of finding anything paying what I am paid now.
I would be lucky to get a quarter of what I am paid now.
My confidence is screwed at the moment.

savingwannabe

You are coping with too much. The debt, worries about work, the loss of your brother and it is too much for you at present.

William I am glad you wrote it down. At worst you will lose your job. I bet you wont. You are one of the strongest people here on MSE. I post on your diary because i admire you. You are you. Nothing wrong with you at all. Please do not distress yourself. We can't control what is happening around us. And [EMAIL="sh@t"]sh@t[/EMAIL] happens but you know what you will hande it. I have no doubt of that at all.

Confidence wise, you need to know everyone that posts on your diary thinks so much of you. You are a fantastic dad and husband. You are facing so many demons and coming up trumps. Do not let this hurdle break your stride. If you need to get another job you will. I dont know what it is but you have it. I wish i did. You are very strong and you might be feeling weak right now but I know you are going to beat this.

Please can you tell your wife. You need to talk to her - tell her about what happened at work. She loves you and she will be there for you. Hug her and hug your children my friend. It is a dark day but we never know what the next day holds. Sometimes I have thought i wanted to end it and that there was no way out but my friends have stopped me and i have experienced wornderful things i didn't think i ever would. Please please talk to someone you are down. If you can't chat to your wife ring the Samaritans.

This is a london phone number they are open from 9-9. Make the call. Please.

46 Marshall Street, London
W1F 9BF
United Kingdom
Phone: (020) 7734 2800. They are open from 9-9.

You have many many friends. What does Martin Lewis say. Every problem has a solution but just talking about it helps. Please let me know you will ring them.