Trying to stop an impending family rift...

lufcgirl

Hi, this may be a bit long but I'll try and keep it concise!

My OH is 23 and a few years back did her family tree. In it she found some people who she calls 'cousins' (they are like cousins four times removed or something) who live in England, and she's in Ireland. When she contacted them they get along really well and she often goes over to visit them.

The family in England consists of a recently retired woman, her husband and two daughters in their thirties. This weekend she was in England for a Uni interview and stayed with them. She bought an awful lot of stuff and had to buy another case for her flight back, and then had her hand luggage (anyone who flies Ryanair knows it's a strict 10kg limit, and they are notorious for scamming their scales to add an extra couple of kilos on). So one of the daughters takes her to the airport, and OH asks her to wait at the shops with her hand luggage as she didn't want an extra £40 charge for the baggage, even though she knew it was just underweight. The daughter said this was fine, and she got home absolutely fine!

Then this is where the problems start. Last night the Mum rang my OH's Mum asking for OH. She said she wasn't in and asked what was wrong. She went on a furious rant with her Mum about how unethical it was asking her daughter to wait with her hand luggage whilst she checked in as the plane could crash, she could be pulled up at customs or arrested! OH was told as soon as she got in and she rang her relatives to apologise for what she did but was met with a barrage of abuse and the relative saying she was going to contact airport security to complain about their baggage policy! OH is distraught and doesn't know how to put it right as she's in another country and everyone just wants them to stop arguing.

Now OH is doing her bit but the relatives are very hell bent on making her suffer and seeing what she's done wrong, when everyone else thinks she didn't even do anything! The relatives have never been like this before, they are really lovely people but nobody can understand what has made them flip! I've tried my best to see their side of the story but I can't for the life of me work out why it's such a huge deal to them as people do the same thing every day!

Anyone got any suggestions on how we can sort this out? It's a right mess over something very very trivial. And again, I'm sorry it's so long!

pigpen

I'd send a bunch of flowers with a card saying how sorry I was for any slight, it was totally unintended and wouldn't happen again. That it had been lovely to meet them and I really enjoyed spending time with them and getting to know them and wouldn't want to lose these new family members and hope it can now be laid to rest and things return to normal.

If that didn't work I'd think well F**K you then and go on with my life and let them stew in their own bile.. I'd lived X number of years witout them in my life before and while it was nice while it lasted life is too short to fret over such trivialities.

SugarSpun

She's apologised, I think that's enough. She could also send a card thanking them for letting her stay for her interview and saying that she didn't intend to cause any upset, but I'd be inclined to tell them to eff themselves.

Speaking to an adult's mother about perceived misbehaviour would put them on my list permanently. Once you leave school the only place you should be treated like a naughty schoolgirl is under adults-only conditions and with a safeword.

lufcgirl

Thank you guys for your advice so far. It's pretty much what I've told her to do.

I've been trying to make sure from everyone elses opinion that she wasn't in the wrong as it's what I've been trying to convince her. She was fuming when she found out she's told her Mum everything, and it was nothing she needed to know in the first place. Turns out they weren't as nice as everyone thought!

pigpen

lufcgirl wrote: »

Turns out they weren't as nice as everyone thought!

nobody ever is!!

onlyroz

Well I can see how it is a bit dodgy asking someone to hold your hand luggage while you check in, but I'm not sure it deserved a "barrage of abuse" from the mum. If your partner wants to try one more shot at making up then sending a card might work. If not then I don't know what else you can do.

mpet

lufcgirl wrote: »

OH asks her to wait at the shops with her hand luggage as she didn't want an extra £40 charge for the baggage, even though she knew it was just underweight. The daughter said this was fine, and she got home absolutely fine!

QUOTE]

I really can't see what the 'cousin' would be so upset about. If OP's OH had overweight hand luggage what on earth did it have to do with the cousing waiting with the bag. The only person who could possibly have got into 'trouble' would be OP's OH. Customs or security would not give a toss. The only people who may have pulled her up would be the airline staff at the gate if the hand luggage was obvioulsy oversize/overweight.


She's already said sorry (although I don't know why). I don't think I'd go any further.

tandraig

I dont understand either? its not as if it was the daughter being used as a drug mule as she was only minding it in the airport!!!

lufcgirl

I honestly can't understand either! I fly over to Ireland every few weeks and OH always holds my bag if I do airline check in so that I don't get charged if it was. Airline staff would be the only people who would mind, and all they'd do is slap a charge on for it to go into the hold.

That is what we were saying earlier, about her not being a drugs mule or anything. All she wanted was to try and avoid them weighing the hand luggage incase their scales added on a kilo to make it overweight and avoid the charge. It's got really petty now!

But I have listened to the advice, I told OH to send a bunch of flowers thanking them for having her and asking if the incident can be forgot. And if they fail to respond then thats it with them. She actually agreed when I said as a poster had that 'she survived without them for 20 years before so she can do it again'.

BitterAndTwisted

There has to be something else going on as the story doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. If the daughter agreed to hold the bag and was happy to do so at the time something else must have happened between the event and the telling of it when she got home from the airport. Or these English rellies have a screw lose. My money's on the lose screw

lufcgirl

Thats the thing, the lot of them got on absolutely fine beforehand.

OH said that once this woman gets an opinion in her head she won't let it drop. So I think the daughter has gone home and told her about waiting while she checked in with the suitcase and she's flipped for some reason and got the rest of them on her side. (Either that or the daughter was uncomfortable saying no when OH asked and then just ran home telling Mummy straight away!) OH left a message on the daughters answerphone last night asking her to get in touch to discuss everything, and she hasn't even bothered at all.

It just seems so incredibly petty to me, I can't understand at all why they'd throw the relationship they had built up down the drain.