Cant afford my wife anymore

enabler

InaPickle wrote: »

Well it's a good start!

If you pull together and sort this mess out. in a horrible kind of way, this might be the best thing that ever happened to you both. From reading what you have written I get the impression that you have always wanted to give your wife the things you felt she deserved (and to which she was accustomed), and she has been used to having them without too much reflection on the cost, and just assuming that the pot would never run dry. Now it is drying up, and you can either sink or swim (to mix my metaphors!;) ) If you swim, DW will be forced to learn the true value of money, and you will have to get over the 'not quite good enough' tag which you have given yourself (and which if probably not at all deserved).

Best of luck. Talk to DW about it again, and sit down with the figures again.

yep - thats a good summary of things. Never really realised it but I wanted to 'prove my worth' by buying or allowing her to buy treats and luxuries.......muppet

DVardysShadow

enabler wrote: »

oh I totally agree - if I could sell this house I would. I'm sure we have 30K neg equity though so not sure whta to do about that tbh. Yes it is embarrassment and pride that makes me squirm at the thought of the inlaws knowing what a !!!! up I've made.

Well, the in-laws are up for scrutiny on the upbringing and financial education of their daughter, so it looks like a pretty level playing field to me. My point is not that you feel empowered to rub their noses in it, more that you don't feel that they have any more grounds to look down on you that you have to look down on them.

gilligansyle

enabler wrote: »

Thanks, I am planning on using the CCCS and trying to work out how to afford this month. Is is best to just cancel all the direct debits otherwise I'm going to get loads of charges.

The last thing you want now is snowballing bank charges as well.

[Deleted User]

It's a mess you've both made together - so don't be too hard on yourself, both of you have made some financial mistakes!
You've already taken the biggest two steps, so well done:
1) Acknowledging the problem, and deciding to do something about it
2) Telling your wife
And don't be too hard on your wife - it's a big shock for her! If I'm understanding correclty, she's been kept in the dark about the finances until now. So be completly honest with her now, making sure she understands the extent of the problem and make the decision to sort it together - things are going to be very difficult for a while, and it will be easier for both of you if you are both on the same page and working together.

RobertoMoir

enabler wrote: »

Yes it is embarrassment and pride that makes me squirm at the thought of the inlaws knowing what a !!!! up I've made.

Their daughter helped you make that !!!!-up. You shouldn't forget that. You probably shouldn't go out of your way to remind them of that, if it comes to it, but you and your wife really do need to agree this a problem you've both caused. It's an important part of you both solving it together, which looking at your SOA is what you're going to need to do.

BILLIE

Well done Enabler for coming back on - I was concerned that the harsh comments had driven you away. One day at a time is how you have to tackle it. I would suggest going to your bank and if needs be cancelling the DD's to prevent charges, but also contact the companies direct. Good luck we all have our crosses to bear Billie xx

Snowy_Owl

OMG - just come to this thread and that is some holiday you have had each year!!! £150 a month??? t hat's £1800 a year, The amount of stuff that can get that I can think of alone is gobsmacking!!!! Get that wife of yours to cut back her spending and you both seriously need to get a grip on this spending. Hope the advice in here is helping........................

Snowy

InaPickle

enabler wrote: »

yep - thats a good summary of things. Never really realised it but I wanted to 'prove my worth' by buying or allowing her to buy treats and luxuries.......muppet

Well there's no point beating yourself up about it too much. You probably feel very bad about it, so don't forget how carp you feel now, and learn from it: never get back to this place, and never allow a feeling of inadequacy lead you into such short-sighted debt again. Sit down and talk to DW again, in stronger terms, and tell her how you are both adults who need to sort this mess out TOGETHER and ALONE, not running home to mummy and daddy, and that it would be madness to bring another child into the world until you can provide properly for the one you already have.

Sorry. Whether to have another child or not is not my place to say, but I would personally be very alarmed at the thought of having another one when there is a realistic chance that the roof could be snatched from over the head of the one I already have.

Best of luck. Stay on here, reserve the energy from feeling guilty to be used for debt-busting, and try to get the missus fully on-board as soon as possible.

WeakHeart

Well good news about making tonight's meal on more of a budget. Introduce your wife to the 'my supermarket' site. Think I found out about it on MSE - it's excellent. Hopefully as she sees (from the cost comparison tabs at the top of the page as she shops) how much extra she spends at Sainsburys on her new budget she will switch to another supermarket and save you even more. I always shopped at Sainsburys until I used this site!!

carlos*the*mackem

enabler wrote: »

feel sick - I hadno idea that we were overspending like this

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 2460
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0 Something in here would help! Part-time job? Work from home by turning a bedroom into an office? She clearly has the skills to make a useful contribution, and could fit it around childcare
Benefits................................ 135
Other income............................ 0 Ebay stuff you don't need or use. You are entitled to take in a lodger, and earn up to £4,250 a year (I think) without penalty from the taxman. Having ensuite rooms would be a plus here! Do you live near a train station? You could hire out your driveway to commuters (MSE Martin suggested that one). Look on the site for ideas to boost your income
Total monthly income.................... 2595
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 1255 If you are in negative equity then selling up won't help; can you switch to a better deal? Beware of penalty charges if you're locked in though.
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 148 Are you in the correct band? May be worth checking out; you could get a refund
Electricity............................. 85 Are you on best deal for this and gas? Shop around & use Quidco for cashback. Also, think hard about how you use energy; don't leave lights or appliances on when not in use. No power-hungry lamps! Turn down the heating, and radiators in rooms that aren't in normal use can be turned down even further. Wash clothes at 30 degrees, and line dry clothes, or use an indoor airer. Use a slow cooker or microwave; that doesn't mean TV dinners though!
Gas..................................... 60
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 45 Are you on a meter? If so, think about water use. Take quick showers not long baths, use washing machine and dishwasher sparingly, etc.
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 85 Switch to PAYG; I'm on Tesco, I top up £10 a month, and get an extra £10 free, plus Clubcard points
TV Licence.............................. 12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 85 Ditch Sky subscription; Freeview or Freesat will do just fine
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 500 We spend maybe £80 a week, and we're a family of 5, plus pets! Switch to cheaper brands, try Aldi for a change. Plan your meals for the week, try batch cooking. Make a shopping list based on this and stick to it. Grocery shopping online will save car fuel; look on the site for free delivery codes
Clothing................................ 150 STOP; use this to pay off debt
Petrol/diesel........................... 200 This seems high for 1 car? Is some mileage work-related? If so, can you claim for it? If not, plan your journey so that one trip for errands will do, instead of several. Go easy on the gas; use cruise control and a light touch rather than a 'lead foot'
Road tax................................ 0 Should be something here
Car Insurance........................... 35 Best deal? Use Quidco for cashback
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30
Car parking............................. 20 Could you get a permit or season ticket to lower cost, or park where it's free and walk just a bit further?
Other travel............................ 25 What's this for?
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 100 Use more free kids activities. Parks, picnics, playgrounds, museums, swimming (it's free in some areas)
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 20 If this is a regular prescription, can you get a prepaid certificate (or whatever it's called) to lower the cost?
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 18 Best deal? Use Quidco for cashback
Contents insurance...................... 18 As above
Life assurance ......................... 45 As above
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 100 NO. Think about who you REALLY need to buy for; do they really need expensive gifts to show that you care?
Haircuts................................ 60 Can you DIY or go to a college?
Entertainment........................... 60 Is this necessary?
Holiday................................. 150 You can't afford this I'm afraid; better to throw at debts
Emergency fund.......................... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
gym memebership......................... 45 Cancel; walk or go jogging, or get some free stuff on Freecycle, or cheap stuff in local ads, and turn garage into a home gym. Money saved goes towards debt repayments
beauty treatments....................... 50 DIY if possible
Total monthly expenses.................. 3401

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 225000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 5000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 230000

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 260000...(1255).....5.79
Total secured & HP debts...... 260000....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Sainsburys Loan................18000.....251.......0
Egg credit card................3800......110.......0
Capital One CC.................1800......60........0
Sainsburys cc..................4500......219.......0
Total unsecured debts..........28100.....640.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,595
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 3,401
Available for debt repayments........... -806
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 640
Amount short for making debt repayments. -1,446
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 230,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -260,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -28,100
Net Assets.............................. -58,100

I think most of the other posters have summed up the situation, and what you and your wife need to do; my own twopence worth is above. With cutbacks, and more money to spare each month (even more with that job and lodger), you could get there,but I think you know yourself it won't be easy. You need to work together to make it happen. Good luck, and keep us posted. You will get lots of advice and support on here, whether you like it or not