Cant afford my wife anymore

daniel_owen_uk

Just to echo a lot of things already said on here, your missus really needs to get a job.

My girlfriend looks after our two little ones (6 and 4), and still manages 20 hours a week, she does nights with no sleep before quite often, it's hard slog for her, but she knows how much it helps us out (annoyingly it pays a little bit more than I earn for full time).

If I was you I would make her more responsible, she clearly doesn't know what things cost, so make her do the finances with you, make her pay the CC bills.

Then after she understands a little bit more, break down you income into Essentials and Luxuries, tell her if she can pay all the Essentials she can have luxuries. TBH managing your finances is really as simple as that.

Robgmun

planning_ahead wrote: »

The title of your thread suggests that you blame your wife for the financial difficulties you currently find yourself in. From reading your post, it appears to me that the majority of decisions were made together, eg her giving up work, taking out large mortgage etc.

If you post up a statement of affairs (SOA) then people will be along to give you some excellent advice.

My advice would be to talk to you wife, but also to accept that you are also responsible and cannot dump all the blame on her.

I agree, maning up at the right time would have saved you this hassle

sillyrabbit

Not sure if anyone else has said this as I haven't read the whole thread but even if your daughter isn't school age yet (she's close!) she's definitely eligible for 15 hours of govt funded time at a pre-school. If you get her into one, then maybe your wife can work for that time in the week?

WELL DONE on posting your soa here - daunting ism't it! I'm finishing off mine and will be posting it soon too but I have to say we already live much more frugally than you do :-S

Good luck.

bluebag

raq wrote: »

couple of things jumped out but definately cut back on £500.00 a month on food for 3 people is a lot.

We are a family of 5, eat extremely well and spend £95.00 a week. That is also shopping fresh good quality food, nappies and a couple of beers for the hubby. So it is easily done. Oh and that is shopping in sainsbury's.
Best of luck

I think this would require someone to be on board with moneysaving, somehow I feel there is a bit more going on with enabler.
It's a hard call to find out the lifestyle you are used to is not going to continue.

But with the SOA looking like it does, this is going to end at some point.
No matter how much want it you can't get a quart out of a pint pot.

Either the outgoings come down or the income goes up, it's that simple.

One way or another what can't continue ....ends.
Maybe the in-laws will help. but that only puts the problem off for a while, ultimately you can't argue with the math.
bb

dorisday

enabler wrote: »

feel sick - I hadno idea that we were overspending like this

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 2460
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 135
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2595
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 1255 if interest only, how you going to repay capital when time comes, better to rent at half the cost
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 148
Electricity............................. 85
Gas..................................... 60
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 45
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 85 far too high mine is £20 for 900 mins and free texts and new phone
TV Licence.............................. 12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 85 too high. TV, broadband plus free local/national calls £30 month
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 500 WOW it cost me £25 wk for me and I eat very well and a lot!!!
Clothing................................ 150 nice to have but at present cant affrord it
Petrol/diesel........................... 200
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 35
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30
Car parking............................. 20
Other travel............................ 25
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 100 cut out until you sort things out
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 20
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 18)too high for both
Contents insurance...................... 18)
Life assurance ......................... 45
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 100 £1200 a year at present cant afford
Haircuts................................ 60 cant afford
Entertainment........................... 60 cant afford
Holiday................................. 150 cant afford
Emergency fund.......................... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
gym memebership......................... 45 CANNOT AFFORD
beauty treatments....................... 50CANNOT AFFORD
Total monthly expenses.................. 3401

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 225000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 5000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 230000

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 260000...(1255).....5.79
Total secured & HP debts...... 260000....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Sainsburys Loan................18000.....251.......0
Egg credit card................3800......110.......0
Capital One CC.................1800......60........0
Sainsburys cc..................4500......219.......0
Total unsecured debts..........28100.....640.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,595
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 3,401
Available for debt repayments........... -806
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 640
Amount short for making debt repayments. -1,446
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 230,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -260,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -28,100
Net Assets.............................. -58,100

with some cuts as above you could find that you could live on your salary alone, but debts would still needed to be sorted. It just takes realising that your lifestyle doesnt match your salary.

epsilondraconis

I have to say that I feel rather sorry for Enabler. Although the major financial decisions were made together, I get the feeling Enabler has gone along with a number of decisions simply for a quieter life. I get the feeling his wife likes the lifestyle that she has and that she thinks that it will all be okay in the end. I suspect they both knew there were financial difficulties, in particular Enabler; however it was easier not to say anything and also he didn't feel like he was letting down his wife.

I agree with the other posters that his wife will need to get a job if they are to stay in the house and if they are going to have another baby.

I think the only way out of this situation is for them both to go through the SOA carefully, agree a budget and stick to it. Once the bills are paid, then little treats can be taken. e.g. his wife having beauty treatment say every 3 months.

I do feel for them both, in particular Enabler.

Good luck to you both.

Edit: I also understand when Enabler describes the loathing for this current sales related role after moving out of the engineering world for which he originally trained. I know how you feel with that one.

daviesalie_2

Hi Enabler, as has been said before, your wife needs to be told in no uncertain terms that she either goes back to work and temporarily forfeits the luxuries OR you'll lose the lot. I've got a 10 month old baby and have no option but to work, every time I drop him off at creche and he screams the place down I feel a massive amount of guilt but the bills need to be paid. She's so so lucky to have had 4 years at home with your daughter. I can't see any other way out of this for you. If you have to get on your knees and beg her then do it. Be strong and don't back down, she needs to realise the severity of your situation. Good luck with it and I hope you find a solution very soon.

Quirkylass

When I had my son I wanted to stop at home with him but we couldn't afford it so instead of working full time, my husband worked during the day and when he came home he took over the babysitting duties and I went out to work in a call centre from 5pm to 9pm every weekday night, didn't like it as I missed bathtime and story telling but I had to do it and at least I got to spend the day at home with him.................


Just a thought for what it's worth and surely if your child is 4 she will be starting full time school in September, my daughter is 4 in May and she is. Couldn't your wife fit in a few hours during the school day that enables her to still to take her and pick her up? Have only read the first couple of pages so apologies if already been mentioned.

Cut your cloth........... etc etc (just can't remember the rest of the saying)

dancingfairy

I think some of the recent comments have been overly harsh.
Enabler - you have got to take action very very soon though or your house could be at risk.
What I would do is
a) focus on how you will get through the next month 'till payday - ie how can you stretch what food you have in the cupboard out as much as possible, can you make sure the mortgage at least is paid, etc - the unsecured debts are least important at this point.
b) you need to get everything on your budget down to the bone - get the gas/electric etc sorted , food budget right down etc and c) you really need to try and get some extra income - your wife needs to start looking for a job or you need to try and get extra hours at work, car boot/ebay etc.
c) a fresh bank account would probably be a good idea - as at the moment you salary is going to be swalled up by your overdraft - at least by getting a new bank account and getting your salray in there you can have control over who gets paid and you can treat the old overdraft as another debt - otherwise you have the problem that the bank might take money you owe them - and leave you short for vital bills. Getting a fresh bank account will only work for you if you are able to get your outgoing to be less than your incoming or you will just be making the situation worse.

When you have survived the next 2 months and got your outgoings under control you will need to think longer term about how you will cope with unsecured debts - in the interim you could send the unseucred creditors a letter telling them you are seeking advice from CCCS or National Debtline and will they accept 1 pound per month for now whilst you sort things out but in the end you will need a plan to deal with the debt - you will probably need to a) do a debt management plan (through a charity), b) sell your house and downsize or c) go bankrupt.

The next few weeks and months are going to be critical and some hard decisions wil have to be made but otherwise you will be left with nothing.
Good Luck with it all - you can turn it around.
df

dancingfairy

The good news is by my reckoning - by cutting everything to the bone - you can at least manage to pay the essentials on your salary - o.k it'd need a radical change of lifestyle but it is at least possible. O.k you would then have the unsecured debts to deal with but it's a start.
df