Cant afford my wife anymore

dancingfairy

Mortgage................................ 1255 if interest only, how you going to repay capital when time comes, better to rent at half the cost
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 148
Electricity............................. 85 70 including gas
Gas..................................... 60
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 45
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 85 far too high mine is £20 for 900 mins and free texts and new phone 25
TV Licence.............................. 12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 85 too high. TV, broadband plus free local/national calls £30 month 30 (with internet)
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 500 WOW it cost me £25 wk for me and I eat very well and a lot!!! 250
Clothing................................ 150 nice to have but at present cant affrord it 50
Petrol/diesel........................... 200
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 35
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30
Car parking............................. 20
Other travel............................ 25
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 100 cut out until you sort things out 40 ? 10 a week for toddler gym/mother and toddler etc?
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 20
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 18)too high for both
Contents insurance...................... 18) 25?
Life assurance ......................... 45 35?
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 100 £1200 a year at present cant afford 10
Haircuts................................ 60 cant afford 10
Entertainment........................... 60 cant afford 60
Holiday................................. 150 cant afford 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
gym memebership......................... 45 CANNOT AFFORD 0 (will have to come out of entertainment budget)
beauty treatments....................... 50CANNOT AFFORD 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 3401

Compared to some people on here the suggestions I have given you are generous. But at the basic level of saving you could free up over 1000 pounds a month (1001 by my adding up) - enough to make up your shortfall and have an amount to split between your unsecured creditors.
You could no doubt even reduce it by more than that.
df

LittleMissKitty

I don't think there's really anything else to say that hasn't already been covered but don't let the more harsh comments drive you away from MSE. They're right your situation as it currently stands is a nightmare but there are ways and means. The first time I went back to work after having my babies I felt like having a complete hissy fit and it was hard, really hard, (and I only worked evenings) but we'd have lost our house if I didn't. Your wife is facing the nasty reality of not being able to carry on with what she's always been used to and hates the idea of 'lowering' herself to do a possibly menial job (if she chooses evening work) but it only has to be for a very little while. Maybe if she has a few months of shelf-stacking at Sainsburys she may not feel the need to have her nails done quite as urgently. She needs to have her own lightbulb moment but for the time being I'm afraid you really do have to show her in black and white what her habits are doing to the family and be cruel to be kind.

On a really mercenary note you should also point out that her getting a job means that once she does fall pregnant she can get 'free money' from SMP or maternity allowance. If she is money driven perhaps that may ease the pain a little.

fritillaria

I agree that if you both really want a second child (at the moment it doesn't sound like you do) then you should find a way and make any sacrifices posssible to do so.
Your wife would only need to work for 26 weeks of the 66 weeks before her due date to be entitled to 39 weeks Maternity Allowance at £123 a week or 90% of her earnings depending on which is lower. I was made redundant in November while 16 weeks pregnant with our second child so mine started this month (11 weeks before due date). I was only working 2 days a week after returning to work when my daughter was 9 months old and was lucky enough to have family that could take care of my daughter to save on childcare costs - do you have anyone that could do the same? As a previous poster said your daughter should be entitled to free nursery classes as well.
It sounds like neither of you were in control of, or budgeting the household finances. It would be a bit harsh to dump it all on your OH now when they are in such a mess but it would make sense in future if she wants to be a SAHM that she takes responsibility for this and (of course) that you discuss them on a regular basis.
Hopefully once you get out of this mess you can look at living in a house you both like and changing your job to something that will make you happier in the long run. As things are you could build up a lot of resentment towards your wife, she needs to know if the lifestyle you share is making you unhappy.

I really wish you all the best!

enabler

ouch -I feel like I've painted a really bad picture of my wife. There is more to her than shopping, she is a fantastic mum and very kind hearted and fun to be around, everybody who meets her loves her as she can be such great company....I'e never quite shaken the 'outta my league' train of thought coming from a working class background and never really 'aspirational' about things. Her parents are relatively wealthy (well compared to mine!) and she had all the clothes, holidays, big house etc growing up - I guess she never really learnt about the true costs of things and if the truth be known I have indulged her and got carried away with the 'lifestyle' aspect.

Anyway, things are a little frosty here. I intend to contact one of those debt charities and look for a DMP to manage the debt but my wife wants us to either work it out ourselves of ask her parents for help (grrrrrrrrr).

I also get commission payments on top of my salary - before the recession these could be up to 1K a mth but now I'm lucky to get a couple of hundred.....some mths its nothing. It was my bad luck that just after we bought the house the whole thing nosedived so salary went down, outgoings up and we/ she continued to spend

she is trying though - the meal she cooked tonight was from the feed your family for a fiver thing that Sainsburys did a while ago - she had some of the recipe cards and decided to try one. Was very nice

ninky_2

good to hear enabler. i bet your wife has it in her to come round to this if you continue to be honest and open about the financial situation. best of luck.

gilligansyle

Glad you've posted again enabler.

I've been watching this thread and haven't really got anything to add to what others have said. At least now you are working together on it, and yes, I can imagine it is a bit frosty. But you will have to cut back.

Your priority has to be the mortgage payments and if the overdraft means that you have nothing else, then you may need to look at having your salary paid into a different account and making an arrangement to pay off the overdraft. Presumably at the moment you haven't missed any payments so your credit rating is still ok.

If you go on CCCS website, you can put your information in, and it makes recommendations, you can work through them yourself without actually involving them. From memory its called 'Your Debt Remedy' and you can just keep juggling with the figures.

dancingfairy

The problem(s) I can see are that a debt management plan will not help if you don't get your basic 'bills' to less than your income and also you will need some money to offer to your creditors.
The same sort of thing applies with getting the parents to help out - yes they may be able to help short term - but you will just repeat things if you can't get your outgoing to less than your incomings. Also I feel that it may lead to resentment on your part/embarrassment that your parents can't help in the same way and that you are having to be bailed out. You could also cause problems with the inlaws finances as well and within their relationship.
Long term you really need to look at eithe downsizing to a more suitable house or bringing your outgoings into line with your incomings.
Oh and make sure it is a debt charity you approach - private companies can range from merely taking money that could have gone to pay off your debts to actually making you a lot worse off - and to be honest you are in a fairly precarious position at the moment.
Good Luck with it all.
df
Good Luck
df

InaPickle

Well it's a good start!

If you pull together and sort this mess out. in a horrible kind of way, this might be the best thing that ever happened to you both. From reading what you have written I get the impression that you have always wanted to give your wife the things you felt she deserved (and to which she was accustomed), and she has been used to having them without too much reflection on the cost, and just assuming that the pot would never run dry. Now it is drying up, and you can either sink or swim (to mix my metaphors!;) ) If you swim, DW will be forced to learn the true value of money, and you will have to get over the 'not quite good enough' tag which you have given yourself (and which if probably not at all deserved).

Best of luck. Talk to DW about it again, and sit down with the figures again.

enabler

gilligansyle wrote: »

Glad you've posted again enabler.

I've been watching this thread and haven't really got anything to add to what others have said. At least now you are working together on it, and yes, I can imagine it is a bit frosty. But you will have to cut back.

Your priority has to be the mortgage payments and if the overdraft means that you have nothing else, then you may need to look at having your salary paid into a different account and making an arrangement to pay off the overdraft. Presumably at the moment you haven't missed any payments so your credit rating is still ok.

If you go on CCCS website, you can put your information in, and it makes recommendations, you can work through them yourself without actually involving them. From memory its called 'Your Debt Remedy' and you can just keep juggling with the figures.

Thanks, I am planning on using the CCCS and trying to work out how to afford this month. Is is best to just cancel all the direct debits otherwise I'm going to get loads of charges.

enabler

dancingfairy wrote: »

The problem(s) I can see are that a debt management plan will not help if you don't get your basic 'bills' to less than your income and also you will need some money to offer to your creditors.
The same sort of thing applies with getting the parents to help out - yes they may be able to help short term - but you will just repeat things if you can't get your outgoing to less than your incomings. Also I feel that it may lead to resentment on your part/embarrassment that your parents can't help in the same way and that you are having to be bailed out. You could also cause problems with the inlaws finances as well and within their relationship.
Long term you really need to look at eithe downsizing to a more suitable house or bringing your outgoings into line with your incomings.
Oh and make sure it is a debt charity you approach - private companies can range from merely taking money that could have gone to pay off your debts to actually making you a lot worse off - and to be honest you are in a fairly precarious position at the moment.
Good Luck with it all.
df
Good Luck
df

oh I totally agree - if I could sell this house I would. I'm sure we have 30K neg equity though so not sure whta to do about that tbh. Yes it is embarrassment and pride that makes me squirm at the thought of the inlaws knowing what a !!!! up I've made.