Am I being taken for a ride?

christmas_carole

Errata wrote: »

Get the joint account sorted out asap before the bank charges start racking up. As it's a joint account both of your are responsible for clearing the overdraft, if he won't you will have to.
Someone suggested telling the bank you've lost your card. You might as well do that, because the card's no use to you just now. Best wishes (and glad I was of help last time )

Hello again Errata, yes you were a really good help to me a while back, I will sort out the card asap, need to get myself together, people at work are saying i 'Dont look myself'

Lotus-eater

Any wrote: »

That is unkind.
Just because man is in debt doesn't make him bad person.
Only if he gets nasty about it - that makes him veeeery bad person.

I took on man with debt and he gave me full control of his finances because he knows he is rubbish. If he didn't do that I wouldn't be with him.

I didn't mean it to be unkind, sorry if anyone took it the wrong way.

What I meant was, it just seems to happen alot and I'd noticed it.

Women on here are always talking about what they want out of a man, lists are always being made and talked about.
I'm not talking about someone being wealthy, just being solvent and out of debt seems to be way down the list, or not on it?

marklv

christmas_carole wrote: »

Hello to you all,
I need some advice please, My boyfriend moved in on 2nd Nov, he earns £2300 a month, I earn £894 plus £200 maintenence from my ex for DD 16. I pay all the bills, he was putting £200 or £300 a month into an account he opened for both of us in November and December, he has been helping with the food shop at weekends, £50-£60, buys the odd items during the week, I eventually got him to put a proper lump sum in the joint account on 26th January, £850, unfortunatley he was £241 O/D so i got £608, he told me on Monday we had no money left in that account now so not to use the card!!! I got him to print out his bank statement so I could see what we'd spent and he has spent £443 of the £608 he put in. He has a lot of debt so has huge repayments to make every month, at least £900, but still has used 'our' account to pay for all his cash withdrawalls and petrol and even £40 to send a parcel to his son:eek:
I'm waiting for him to come in and discuss what I want to do about this and just wanted some helpful advice and suggestions as to how to do this a bit more fairly please.

Well, my wife and I only have individual bank accounts, no joint account.

We just split bills according to our ability to pay, meaning that I pay a bigger share of the mortgage but she pays the council tax. I also pay the house and contents insurance. All other bills, including gas, electric, water, TV licence, shopping and car related (we only have one car) are split down the middle. This seems to work well for us. Neither of us has any debt other than our mortgage or any 'baggage' from previous relationships, thank God.

paddy's_mum

Unfortunately, Lotus-eater, quite often the new lady is carefully kept in the dark about the debts and it's only once she is firmly 'snared' that the facts gradually leak out.

While the chap is first interested in her, he spends the money on wooing, little gifts, "oh, let me help you buy that so that we can enjoy it all the sooner", and gives too good an impression that a few quid here and there to fritter isn't any kind of problem.

It's only later that the problems start .. such as when he is forced to admit that he can't come to visit her this week because he's skint or his Mum carelessly lets slip that "son, you're three weeks behind with your housekeeping" or his mates ask the current girlfriend how he's managing to keep up with his child support payments now that he's finally sold that expensive motorbike that she didn't know about!

My own view? I think that as a general rule in a new relationship, girls keep quiet about their past sexual adventures, blokes keep quiet about everything else! :rotfl:

Errata

christmas_carole wrote: »

Hello again Errata, yes you were a really good help to me a while back, I will sort out the card asap, need to get myself together, people at work are saying i 'Dont look myself'

Tell 'em you've been up all night with a bad back if they get really curious.
Please, please make sure you fully understand all the implications of the joint account.

flossyblog

When I met my OH he was in debt, but not his doing. I had never lived with a partner before him and was financially independent. I remember him being extremely worried. He was convinced the only way out was to sell his house and pay off the debt.

I'm pretty together when it comes to finances. I've been financially independent since I was 17. I told him not to worry. I knew we would be fine.

We had our own bank accounts. I took control of both our finances. We first listed all regular expenses ie, mortgage, utilities, car etc. This was then split down the middle. The next thing we did was to keep all receipts of all purchases made or list them down and this was also divided in half. Anything that was for our exclusive use was paid for individually. It didn't really matter that I was paying half of his mortgage, because the way I see it, I would be paying where ever I lived. I don't agree that someone should pay less because they earn less.

It took him about six months to be financially healthy again. Nearly 15 years later he has never been in debt again. We have a shared bank account now, and we do not split down the middle. All money is paid into one current account and we have a shared savings account.

However, he doesn't share my frugual attitude but at the same time he doesn't spend on a day to day basis either. He has spent more than me because he has expensive hobbies. He's into scuba diving now and you can't really do that in Holland.

We trust each other implicity with our money. I jokingly remind him that I found him in the gutter without 2 florins to rub together.

He always decides what he wants, goes out and gets it. I'll spend ages dithering and looking for something at a good price. When he does spend, it's usually a serious amount and comes with a cable lead. He will always discuss it with me first.

The only time we had a disagreement was when he was worried about a work colleague, who's son had a gambling problem. He wanted to help his colleague by lending him money. I told him it was a bad idea (plus a few other things). I don't think you help others by bailing them out.

christmas_carole

Well, been totally amazed to find him on facebook with 22 'friends' including his ex!!!! But I wasn't allowed to be one of them.Now i understand why he did'nt want me to see his face book page.

christmas_carole

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I didn't mean it to be unkind, sorry if anyone took it the wrong way.

What I meant was, it just seems to happen alot and I'd noticed it.

Women on here are always talking about what they want out of a man, lists are always being made and talked about.
I'm not talking about someone being wealthy, just being solvent and out of debt seems to be way down the list, or not on it?

I had no idea of how much debt he was in for a very long time! he had a good job, nice car and brand new motor bike, owned his own flat, (all on credit, and a £100k mortgage with no equity.) :eek:
By the time he came clean it was too late and I had fallen for him.

flossyblog

good riddance luvvy. You deserve better!

Any

christmas_carole wrote: »

Well, been totally amazed to find him on facebook with 22 'friends' including his ex!!!! But I wasn't allowed to be one of them.Now i understand why he did'nt want me to see his face book page.

Forget about it and forget about him.
Your issue number 1 is to sort out the joint account now.

And then forget he ever existed.