Am I being taken for a ride?

christmas_carole

He's come down from shower, having said 'I'll have a shower, if you don't mind?' we havent spoken since, im so soft with hiim, but this has to stop here, im not a daft lass, I have to go by my female intuition, im being used.

tabskitten

christmas_carole wrote: »

He's come down from shower, having said 'I'll have a shower, if you don't mind?' we havent spoken since, im so soft with hiim, but this has to stop here, im not a daft lass, I have to go by my female intuition, im being used.

you have just said that you are going to stick up for yourself.......

Why is he still there!!!!????

lolababy

Make a list of the outgoings and tell him you want half. If he does not agree kick him to the kerb. Money can and does cause a relationship to fall apart.
Another option is for him to go to a debt advisor and sort out his debts.

never_enough

If you dont sort it now it will never be sorted. It's your choice.

I think him paying the odd thing here & there is a mistake. It gives scope for someone to imagine that they're spending more than they are on joint responsibilities. Split things in whatever way you want, but you need to get him to understand that once that money has left his account it's not his anymore, it's for your home. Unless he's moved in with you from his parents surely he had to pay bills etc before?

Kay_Peel

Knowing that you pay all the bills, I would have expected your boyfriend to pay a reasonable amount into YOUR account each month. By opening a so-called joint account, it looks like he used you to access a further overdraft and then spent the money on himself anyway.

Thank goodness you've got your head screwed on and have seen through that pretence.

If he wants to, he can save this relationship. To show good faith, he ought to repay you for subsidising him for the last 3 months with a lump sum. He should agree to set up a standing order to pay his share of the bills to you, each month. What he does with the rest of it is up to him. He should thank his lucky star that he has a home and a good woman who can manage her affairs.

If he's unable to act like a grown-up, and wants to continue as your dependant, then he only has his himself to blame if he blows the relationship. Personally, I can't abide spongers and it sounds like you don't want that either.

Extricate yourself from that joint account as quickly as possible and good luck to you.

hannah-j_3

I have to agree with the others and say it does seem like you are being taken for a ride, maybe your OH doesn't see it like this, it could be he saw moving in with you a way of not having too many 'outgoings' without thinking how it would affect you and I actually believe you should have discussed the outgoings before he moved in.
Try and sit down with him and explain your maintenance is for your DD, the rest goes on bills and you expect him to equal what you pay for household bills, this cannot be seen as anything else than reasonable and if he disagrees then he is admitting he is being unreasonable!
Failing that, ditch him, get out now before he gets too comfy.

christmas_carole

What a surreal night this has been, He went on his laptop and I said so when are you moving out? he sais as soon as possible, i asked him if he was looking for somewhere to go as he was doing a lot of typing on his keyboard, he said i've been talking to ----. Oh i said 'On Facebook?' whats your name on there? as i looked up his name last week and couldnt find him, he said the same as I'd been searching for, so I had a look and nothing came up! so I said lets have a look at your laptop, he refused, i went over to him and he pulled it away, i grabbed it and he jammed my fingers in it to stop me seeing what was on the screen! i wrestled it away from him but he'd managed to log out, i threatened to smash it up and he said 'I'll do the same to yours then' so i told him to get out NOW! i emptied all his clothes out into the front garden , i'm shaking now, took my key back. having a few tears as this happened so suddenly, but why so secretive. i even offered my laptop to him to have a look at!!!!

christmas_carole

tabskitten wrote: »

you have just said that you are going to stick up for yourself.......

Why is he still there!!!!????

He's not, he's been chucked out!!!!:j

tigtag02

christmas_carole wrote: »

What a surreal night this has been, He went on his laptop and I said so when are you moving out? he sais as soon as possible, i asked him if he was looking for somewhere to go as he was doing a lot of typing on his keyboard, he said i've been talking to ----. Oh i said 'On Facebook?' whats your name on there? as i looked up his name last week and couldnt find him, he said the same as I'd been searching for, so I had a look and nothing came up! so I said lets have a look at your laptop, he refused, i went over to him and he pulled it away, i grabbed it and he jammed my fingers in it to stop me seeing what was on the screen! i wrestled it away from him but he'd managed to log out, i threatened to smash it up and he said 'I'll do the same to yours then' so i told him to get out NOW! i emptied all his clothes out into the front garden , i'm shaking now, took my key back. having a few tears as this happened so suddenly, but why so secretive. i even offered my laptop to him to have a look at!!!!

are you ok?

christmas_carole

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Bin him. He'll spend your maintenance on whatever invisible items that he spends so much cash on each month and still demand more. My suspicious mind goes straight away to various things that come in ten pound bags, quarters and grams.

Bin him. Anyone worth their salt - good or bad with money - wouldn't take the p by being so defensive about 'his' money at the end of the first month.

never mind defensive with his money. what about the lap top? is that not suspicious?